Unless there is a huge war, Beijing is gonna replace Washington DC as the new capital of the world, so learn your pinyin Boys. Oh, and if this is communism, then I am Chairman Mao. The people in China are very friendly and helpful and some even have a sense of humour. Walking down the street, a bunch of people are giggling and pointing at the westerner: "HelLoOo" (more giggles). The best way to give the Chinese a good laugh is to try to talk to them in Mandarin - they love it. Follow that up with a few badly pronounced [View Full Entry]

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I wish I had a photo of myself jumping onto the moving train as it pulled away from the station at the Russian - Mongolian border. The timetable said that we were stopping here for 5 (yes five) hours, so there seemed to be no problem with going onto the platform and using the loo but I when I emerged, the train was moving away from the station, all the doors were shut and I may have used the word 'bollocks'. There goes my passport and worldly goods. My futile attempt to ride the train didn't pay off as the doors [View Full Entry]

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The Russians can be real miserable looking sods when they want to be (although not quite as much in the east and, lets face it, they have more to moan about). To 'fit-in' in Russia (and therefore not shine out too much as a foreigner who may as well be walking around naked with Euros sellotaped to himself) it seemed necessary to go native and adopt the 'stoic look'. It reminded me of my favourite scene in 'Shaun of the Dead' when they try to mingle with the zombies. After spending days at a time on trains whilst traversing time zones [View Full Entry]

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In Battlestar Galactica, two hapless aliens come down to 1980's LA in order to rescue the Earth but seem to spend most of their time trying to fit in and inevitably end up getting into countless culture-shock japes. As I emerged from the train into the new day in St Petersburg with Spanish guy in tow (Miguel) acting as tour guide that is exactly how I felt. One must at least *try* to fit in if only to not be stopped by the Rusky Fuzz and either stiffed for cash because you haven't yet registered your visa (more red tape) or [View Full Entry]

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There was a controversial experiment performed in the 70's where one person had to ask questions of a subject and give them electric shocks of increasing voltage (enough to kill) if they got them wrong. The point is that it was a trick: the person getting the shocks was faking it. The real subject of the study was the person giving the supposed potentially fatal punishment, to see if they would conform. This came to mind in Auschwitz, one hour from Kracow. The tour guide was excellent, but he really needed a change of job. He was really troubled with how [View Full Entry]

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Why is it that the Poles are smiling, friendly and happy all the time? The weather is godawful and it is Drizzleville, Tennesee. It is like being in a black and white film or the colour-turned-down dystopia of Twelve Monkeys. Maybe it is because they invented vodka. The country is an oasis of helpfulness in a desert of miserable sods. Since my last blog I have been to Budapest, back to Prague and now I am in Krakow, Poland. Budapest was nice and sunny and the old city of Buda is an arty photo in every direction you look - a [View Full Entry]

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The Czechs are a funny lot. It is as if the person that they spoke to just before you really pissed them off and so they decide to bite off your head for asking simple questions like directions. What is really surprising is that they can be sweet as honey just afterwards. I find that piling on heavy sarcasm just adds to the culture clash, but it is great fun. (3rd Nov) I am staying at a hostel in the party end of Prague and it shows. Life couldnt get any different here to Iran . It has a great bar [View Full Entry]

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If a hotel is recommended by the Lonely Planet, it is NOT CLOSED! An inclusion in the travellers' bible" is a licence to print money for a hotel owner and, usually, an excuse to raise the price. In some places, additional premises open with similar names to confuse the traveller and skim the extra business generated. When I arrived in Shiraz, the (evil) taxi driver took me from the bus station to a different hotel to the one I asked and the man stood outside told me that the "Hotel Zand" was closed. Bullshit. I asked to be taken there anyway [View Full Entry]

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Before coming to Iran, a lot of people told me this story about a traveller who, upon seeing an anti-western demonstration in Tehran (flag burning, etc.), goes up to the most angry looking demonstrator and introduces himself as English (or Inglistan as they say here). The angry man's face softens, and he gives the traveller a warm smile and handshake and says 'you are very welcome in Iran'. As it happens, this actually did happen to John Simpson of the BBC. If you want to get a visa for Pakistan in Iran, forget it. For many, Iran is the end of [View Full Entry]

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Two certainties come to light when travelling: (1) Taxi drivers are scum worldwide (2) There are only two words in the world for tea - tea (the/te, etc) or char (choi/ca/chai etc). I made the right move when crossing the border from Syria to eastern Turkey: cross at the rarely used border post in Qamishle far east Syria to reduce the amount of time spent trying to cross Turkey to Iran. The Lonely Planet tells you that the Turkish buses go everywhere and are cheap and clean. It doesn't tell you that at every bus station there are at least ten [View Full Entry]

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