Just Imagine that you've set off overseas to seek your fortune in the Land of Black Gold. You are a skilled machinist and you set up in a little workshop in Musaffah. You are proud of your skills on a lathe so you name your establishment accordingly, so the "Accurate Turning Workshop" is born. All is well and business is booming, you've been able to afford a few acetylene bottles and have a whole yard full of swarf, welding cables and other engineering type stuff. So imagine the horror when you turn up on your Honda C50 one morning to find [View Full Entry]

---

---

Every now and again you come across a sign that is so profound that it not only gives instruction specific to its intended purpose, but can actually give instruction for your whole life. Consider these three instructions seen on the side of a dustcart. "DO NOT WALK OR STAND IN THE WALKING ZONE OF THIS MACHINE" In this instance, the "walking zone" zone is quite clearly a metaphor for life. This means that life is for living, not for walking or standing in. "DO NOT OPEN THE MACHINE WHILE RUNNING" I can't see why you would, unless the machine was a [View Full Entry]

---

---

I know, I know. Poking fun at people's lack of understanding of the English language is not exactly Oscar Wild level wit, but this is Standard Chartered Bank and they have a network of over 1,400 branches in more than 50 countries, so you think they'd know better. Apart from the slogan, I like the imagery of a man hastily grabbing at another man's crotch area. Who doesn't? [View Full Entry]

---

---

We've got some work over in Oman and I needed to see the client on site as well as our agent in Muscat so I had a bit of a road trip on my hands. It's only about 210km from Abu Dhabi to the Oman border just past Al Ain, and then head south east another 130 to the town of Ibri. Once there you have to head West for another 130km to the Safah Oil Field. Due to security reasons you are not allowed to take any photos, in fact I'm not even supposed to describe the scenery, so I'm [View Full Entry]

---

---

On the way home yesterday another photo opportunity presented itself. Check out the "Chemicals Vehicle". Unfortunately I couldn't get a decent shot of the Hazchem sign , but I like their style - dangerous chemicals in cardboard boxes in an open truck. At least they have a single strand of nylon rope holding one row of boxes down. "Oh how easy it is to poke fun at these unsophisticated people with their goats on mopeds and kids hanging out of the sunroof," I was thinking, "I am so fucking glad I come from a country with centuries of civilisation, architectural history, [View Full Entry]

---

---

In Germany they have the "Hitzefrei" - if the indoor temperature is over 32 degrees C then schools and offices close. In America they have "Snowdays", the same sort of deal only with a certain level of snow. In Dubai, if George Dubya Bush wants to drive through town, or if there is four inches of rain, you get the day off, even if you don't want it. On Monday, as the US President (and his entourage of 750 people) travelled from Abu Dhabi to Dubai, the Sheik Zayed Road, Garhoud Bridge and Maktoum Bridge were shut, as well as every [View Full Entry]

---

---

I checked my stats on this blog yesterday and at that point I had got 99,999 hits. WTF? I know that is not much in the big scheme of things blog wise, but it means that is still 5000 hits per month. I don't know if it is the same people looking several times or if it actually gets read, but even if only 1 in 5 is a genuine read, that is still 1000 people. I reply to every message I get sent - admittedly, it's only usually 10 to 20 per month, but surprisingly I have not had one [View Full Entry]

---

---

There are currently two road bridges connecting Abu Dhabi Island to the mainland UAE. Maqta Bridge is on the site if the original crossing point at the North of the channel where up until the early 60's you had to wait until low tide before taking your camel or Land Rover across. about two clicks to the South is the newer Musaffah Bridge (officially called the Al Ain Bridge but nobody calls it that). A third bridge just to the North of the Maqta Bridge is under construction but has been on hold for over two years now for reasons unknown [View Full Entry]

---

---

It's official, on Friday I received my Z3 (Zombie Marksmanship - Level 3 Uprising) certification. The photo is of my exam target. Unfortunately the level 4 training is only available to military personnel or nationals here in the UAE as it involves a lot of fully automatic weapons and explosives, both of which expats aren't allowed to have. The regs say that for Z3 level, you must be able to "place 14 rounds of calibre .32 or larger within a seven and one half inch diameter disc at head height while it is moving towards you at 2 feet per second". [View Full Entry]

---

---

After a couple of car bookings went missing I found myself in Doha airport sans wheels, and since I know my way round the the slums of Calcutta better than the average taxi driver knows his way round Doha, I resorted to Hassan Baghazal Trading Est. (Rent a Car Division). On the phone I spoke to someone who's name sounded like "Mr. Lovely", but I assumed that a combination of telephone and background noise, and English not being his first language, I had misheard somehow. Not the case. But the funny thing is, he is actually a really nice bloke. Well [View Full Entry]

---

---