Being "extreme", like so many other facets of our life has been watered down and corrupted by crass commercialism. When chewing gum and fizzy drinks are marketed as "extreme" or "XTREEM" then you know that we have lost the plot. Robert Fitzroy who sailed the Beagle - a boat that was barely 90 feet long - half way round the world to map the coast of Tierra del Fuego was extreme. Tenzing Norgay and Edmund Hillary were extreme. Ray Mears is extreme. My mate Charles is extreme. A greasy haired teenager with his trousers half way down his arse and [View Full Entry]

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On my way home the other day I stopped at the traffic lights outside Abu Dhabi Mall. As I sat there, some daft sod who was on the phone and not paying attention stepped off the pavement, walked right into my front wing and fell over in front of my car. As he went down he tried to grab my bonnet to stabilise himself, but in doing so he managed to get himself into a position where he was right underneath my vehicle. Next thing you know there is shouting rabble that have heard a bit of a kerfuffle, seen [View Full Entry]

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Can you believe that it's been 13 years since the film Stargate was released? The subtext of a right wing imperialist government wanting to control a powerful global resource by use of gung-ho force, superior fire power and technology while completely misunderstanding a culture with thousands of years of history in the wake of the first Gulf War wasn't exactly subtle, but the blend of science fiction and history made it an unusually enjoyable Hollywood flick. Plus it had the hot tranny from The Crying Game in it. Alas, as so often happens with any half decent concept (apart f [View Full Entry]

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I can think of nothing worse than people getting facts wrong about a place on a travel blog. How difficult is it to do a bit of research? So here are my top ten Sydney facts: Sydney was discovered in 1852 by Sir Sydney De Mimsey (the great, great grandfather to Sir Garfield De Mimsey, the current Earl of Basildon) who named it after himself. Sydney Opera House is the worlds largest opera house that is shaped exactly like Sydney Opera House. Sydney is home to the world famous Esky, the iconic Aussie cool box. Invented by Bruce Esky in [View Full Entry]

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So with the remaining bottles strapped securely in the boot, we picked up our banjos and headed for the mountains. We stopped for diesel at the "last fuel stop 'til Bell" only to be told by a Blunnie shod toothless harpy, leaning on one of the petrol pumps, smoking a cigarette that "Ya won't get any here, the f*cking powers off again." "Squawk! F*cking powers off again!" said the large red and blue parrot in a cage by the torn fly screen entrance to the service station. "F*cking shut up!" screeched the charming proprietress, "You f*cking shut up, slut! Squawk!" [View Full Entry]

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...it was into the Hunter. Andy informed us that just an hour-and-a-bit North was a place known as the Hunter Valley, where all manner of strange goings-on occur. Apparently they have these funny little farms called "Vineyards" where they grow a type of fruit called a "grape". These so-called "grapes" then get all squashed and the juice gets put into bottles and sold as a drink called "wine". It seemed foolish to come such a long way and not sample some of the New World oddities. Anyway, always open to new ideas we hired a car and despite warnings from [View Full Entry]

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The Esky, the Ute, the Stubbie, ARB vehicle accesories, the Meat Pie Pizza - great Aussie inventions for great Aussie blokes. The time was right for me & Shez to get on the giant metal bird to visit our good chums Andy and Jenny and see what all the fuss was about. Bearing in mind we'd managed to travel the 7,533 miles from Abu Dhabi to Sydney on time, it was a bit disappointing to have to wait around Kingsford Smith arrivals for Jenny, but since she's in the family way we cut her a bit of slack. But that [View Full Entry]

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Young woman share your fire with me, My heart is cold, my soul is free, I am a stranger in your land, A wandering man, call me sand. Lee Hazlewood, 1966 Do you see what I did there? In the style of high brow writers such as Ian Rankin and Stephen King I have put an excerpt from a song pertinent to the context of the following passage. And I've used a line from a song as the title, further adding to the cultural referencing and pretentiousness. It could be a competition to see who knows from what song the [View Full Entry]

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With the UAE economy booming, evidence of money is everywhere. If its not an audacious tower block or leisure development then it's on the streets in the form of top end cars with blacked out windows and 3 digit plates, blinged and tweaked. Among the myriad of Range Rovers, Porsches, Lambourghinis, Rollers, Maybachs, Mercs, Hummers, Cadallacs, Beamers, Infinitys and Lexus..er..is, it is hard to make you ride stand out from the crowd. But these boys have got the cash to flash, and they are not frightened to stick on their motor. Apart from that, not much else to say, since Scott [View Full Entry]

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Fire, mankind's fifth oldest tool after knives, fishing rods, cricket bats and Black & Decker workmates. Much like women, fire is a wonderful slave, yet a terrible mistress. Come to think about it, there are quite a few similarities between fire and women, we all like to see them writhe and dance, they are harder to get going when it's cold, they get out of control very quickly - especially if flammable spirits are involved, they are both good at burning your dinner, it's great fun squirting them with water and they will both f*ck your car up if you let [View Full Entry]

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