Fire, mankind's fifth oldest tool after knives, fishing rods, cricket bats and Black & Decker workmates. Much like women, fire is a wonderful slave, yet a terrible mistress. Come to think about it, there are quite a few similarities between fire and women, we all like to see them writhe and dance, they are harder to get going when it's cold, they get out of control very quickly - especially if flammable spirits are involved, they are both good at burning your dinner, it's great fun squirting them with water and they will both f*ck your car up if you let [View Full Entry]

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When my mate Ken got to work the other day, he asked me come and see what I thought was making the "funny noise" under his bonnet. The poor little thing was petrified, and I can understand why. I get frightened by Ken's driving when I'm in the passenger seat, belted in, so I can't imagine what it was like in the engine bay for 20 miles. I'm racking my brains for some amusing cat/engine puns, but all I can come up with is something involving reverse paw-king or cat-alytic converters. Or perhaps "Batter-y" Cats Home. A few years ago one [View Full Entry]

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I know we had a few drinks with our dinner, but I'm almost certain I'd have remembered this being served. That's the last time I let Sherren order while I nip to the loo, although it does explain the unusual doggie bag she took home. [View Full Entry]

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LOVE SHACK! Oh yes, I'm sure this is exactly what Fred, Keith, Kate and Cindy had in mind back in 1989 when they unleashed one of the worlds best ever party songs to an unsuspecting public. No wedding video is complete without a fat aunt cheerily rocking from side to side, thumbs up in a Fonzie style with the B-52s blaring away in the background , distorted by the worn-out speakers and tired amp of a mobile disco. Apart from being a practical little shelter, it is a wonderful advert for recycling. For its size, the UAE has got one of [View Full Entry]

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Unbelievably, in less than 24 hours after posting the last last blog I have had over 20 people write (anonymously) berating me for spoiling the precious ecosystem of the desert in my gas-guzzling 4X4. So what is my response? Well, for a start, it is bl**dy good fun, but if you want to get picky, lets do some maths and science, like I've always said, you cannot argue with maths or science. At 15psi, each of my tyres is 300mm wide. We did 87km off road on Friday and the UAE has an area of 82,880 sq km. Therefore the total [View Full Entry]

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Got a last minute call from Mike - "Gerry says do we want to go to Fossil Rock?" Well, does an expat wife like to lie in bed until noon? So at eight o'clock, a surprised Shez (surprised to find there are two eight o'clocks per day) and I jumped in the LC and headed up the road. The recent rainfall and cool night time temperatures, especially inland and at a bit of altitude, meant that the sand was a rich copper colour ("golden" as my Mum would say) and ideal for driving on. My increased experience (or cockiness as Sherren [View Full Entry]

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So, as the lazy expat wife of time pulls up the duvet of destiny, 2006 slid away to reveal 2007. There are plenty of the "best of 2006" lists going round the intraweb, and they all asume that their opinion is the most valid, which since they don't list my opinion, makes them all wrong, although the "Top 10 Lame Excuses As to How This Unfeasably Large Object Got Shoved Up There" are pretty close to my personal choices. Anyway, we took a ride out to Hatta the other day, with all the rain we've had recently we thought that the [View Full Entry]

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First of all I’d just like to say hello to the newest member to the clan, Isaac Jardine. Welcome aboard Isaac! Apart from that, not much else to report, Christmas out here is a very low key affair, a rather stark contrast to the Las Vegas style lights of Ye Olde Corringham Towne. If it wasn’t for the Hyundai Heavy Industries Christmas party Karaoke down at the beach club belting out “Ludolph the Led-Nosed Leindeer”, you’d hardly know the yuletide was upon us, although once you step inside a mall or hotel the decorations are pretty full on. The Rotana even [View Full Entry]

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Anyone who knows me will testify that I am a deeply spiritual person. Over years of study, devotion, personal denial and temperence, I have gained an extensive knowledge of many belief systems and a great respect for religion of all kinds, and the values and traditions they represent. I am equally comfortable in a church as I am in a temple, mosque, up a mountain with my head shaved and wrapped in an orange sheet or in a police cell after a heavy evening expanding my mind on an astral plane trying to explain that I don't know how those mushrooms [View Full Entry]

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I'm not quite sure how the calendar works out here, but all I can assume is that my birthday is on December the 2nd, as this was the view from my window on that date. I now it's a bit late, but it's more impressive that a piece of folded card in an envelope on the right date. Thanks boys, much appreciated. You'll be sad to hear that the Hoe Repairing Shop has closed down, replaced by Sweet Homes Real Estate. Also, Continental Tyres have set up shop in the ground floor of Greening Plaza, not a "Kwik-Fit" tyre place, but [View Full Entry]

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