I just hit 30 and am planning on traveling to the UK for a tentative 2 years. Naturally, I have a lot of concerns, questions, anxiety about some of the decisions I have to make. One of them, is leaving a partner I just met whom I'm experiencing quite a remarkable relationship with.
I've been sitting on the whole traveling thing for a good 7 years. After finishing my degree and getting a job in my dream profession, I'm at that point where traveling was the last thing on my 5-10 year list that I wanted to tick off.
After many failed relationships, and a long stint being single by choice, I've finally met someone who is on the same wavelength as I am who also happens to be a friend I've known for many years. When we first got together, I was upfront and honest about my plans to which we both agreed we'd take it as it comes. Our relationship has since evolved into something quite amazing; something we both know is rare to find.
He is 100% supportive of my need to travel. He believes that it'll be great for me, especially knowing how much I love learning and feeding my curiosity. He has already traveled, only briefly though but has felt it was more than enough for him. He is at a point in his life where he wants/needs to concentrate on building a career for himself, which I understand and respect.
I don't want to part with this relationship, but I have every intention of going because it's my dream. We are willing to at least try to make things work. The only thing that makes me hesitate is that I'm unsure how traveling will change me (and I know there will be changes). He doesn't want me to come home unless I've fulfilled that need to travel.
I'm not afraid of the infidelity part - I know we will both be faithful. More so, I'm afraid I may never want to come home because of what's out there and this may be a relationship I live to regret leaving. More than ever before (this was prior to getting together with him) I've felt this need to settle down somewhere. I'm sick of having to up and move all the time.
Is there a compromise? Am I being foolish for wanting to try long distance?
Reply to this I think you have to try it. You say that you don't want to live to regret leaving the relationship. Well, (and it sounds like this is his thought too), you don't want to live to regret not travelling.
You haven't said what kind of trip you were thinking of. Are you thinking of a year-long thing? A compromise would be some shorter travelling. A three month trip somewhere? Decide which area you have the biggest desire to spend the longest time in and head off there. Book a return flight for three months time and take it as it comes. You can always extend it if you don't feel it has been enough.
It sounds like you are worried that you will go away, leave the relationship and not want to come back to it, and then never find something as good again. I'm a great believer in 'if it's meant to be...'. If it is as good as you say, you will want to come back to it. Travel is a definite itch that you have to scratch and an amazing experience, but there are downsides like loneliness, homesickness and not having anywhere to call your own. After a while you just want to sleep in the same, comfortable bed, see your old friends and have some home comforts.
Coming back doesn't mean the end of travel, surely? Could you then plan some long-haul holidays? This is something you could do together, or you could do alone if he is not interested. Three-four weeks somewhere, regular trips away. Do you have jobs that allow some flexibility in holiday?
Just my ten pence worth anyway.
Reply to this I'm definitely going to go. I'm applying for a 2 year working VISA to the UK. I plan on basing myself there and then traveling to where ever tickles my fancy.
I haven't decided how long I'm going to go yet because I'm not sure if I'll like it and/or get a job etc
Because I left my career so late, I feel like I've worked too hard to get to where I am to have to start over again. With the UK economy the way it is and sponsorship/permanent VISAs being so hard to come by, I figured I could try it out for 6-12 months. By the 12th month, I'd know/ need to decide whether or not I'd stay there (which would mean working hard to find a company to sponsor me) or come home.
In my mind, the thing that would keep me there would probably be the potential to further my career and learn new things which would mean I stay and work hard at that if I can.
And you're right, coming home shouldn't mean the end of traveling. I definitely want to travel with him at some point and continue to travel throughout the rest of my life. It would be depressing if there wasn't more in this world to discover for the remainder of my life.
Well, at the moment my job is probably the most flexible. His might be in the future...
Thank you for your 10 pence worth. It's actually invaluable! 😊
In response to: Msg #158062 Reply to this I think you should give it a go and if its meant to be, it'll be. You can continue to keep in touch just like you would all other friends and if neither of you meet anyone or feel like you need to be with the other more then you can meet...so many choices 😊
go for it!
Reply to this Life is too short to have regrets. My answer will be the same as the others but with a bit of a twist.
I strongly believe that things happen for a reason and it seems you are at a crossroads. I do believe that you will regret it if you don't go. Even though your companion feels like he has done enough traveling to meet his needs, it would be great if he would agree to visit you for a few days along the way.
I also believe that life is to be shared. It would be ideal if he could share this dream with you. Sadly, it is not his dream and it is best if you do not force the issue. Just invite him and maybe he will come along for bits and pieces of the adventure.
My husband and I share the same desire to see the world and experience new cultures. Once we experienced long term travel it changed us in that going back to the old routine was more difficult. At one point I think we thought we would travel for a few months and desires would lessen. Actually, I'm not sure we believed that but we were hopeful. For us the opposite happen. We became world citizens and began planning the next long adventure which we will take later this year.
Follow your dream.
It may have unintended or unexpected outcomes.
You have one life to live and you have to make it your own.
Go to your quiet place, meditate and you will know what is right for you.
You may want to read some of Jessica's blog. Her friend does not travel and they have made it work.
JessM[Edited: 2012 Jul 01 14:31 - D MJ Binkley:42569 ]
Reply to this We agree with all the comments! Go for it, it's your dream! Let things happen, do not think too much. If your heart tells you to go, just go. We all have this fear towards something new, but it's worthit!
Reply to this And if it doesnt work..dont feel bad, you cant be you never trying to reach out and grab for your dreams if you are trying to keep someone else happy.
Ive just tried for three years to keep someone happy by limiting my travels...I plan on a month in the south pacific after xmas then on my long service a 6mth RTW trip. You need to be true to yourself.
You only get one life. And its a short story. Dont waste it.
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