Traveling alone as a young Father

Hello there,

I'm a young man trying to make a difficult decision. While I know ultimately the choice is mine, I'm hoping some of you more experienced men & women could help me out. Here's my situation:

My name is Darin and I'm 21 years old. I have a 13 month old son (Matheson) who lives with my ex-girlfriend. We broke up after our relationship went "through the ringer" so to speak. I moved out and due to financial issues have moved back in, though the relationship between my ex (Isha) and I remain mixed at best. I get the feeling that having let her down, she's finally given up on me. She's thinking of seeing other people and this hurts me deeply, though I most certainly do not blame her.

The reason I'm posting on this forum is because I think a bit of a vacation is much needed in my case. However, I'm scared that making a decision to go away for a week or two would give her all the more reason to see me as having "fled" my responsibilities as a young parent and partner.

I have always wanted to travel alone but am scared of doing so. I'm not the most socially active person around. I work on computers for a living though I seem to meet and make friends easily enough, I've just been hurt in past family/relationship situations that I've sort of "closed myself off". The thought occurred to me having read this link.

So, would anyone have any encouragement, suggestions or ideas for someone in my situation?

Any help greatly appreciated!
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Hi Darin,

You refer to Isha as your ex - which if she still is, she has the right to see other people. If you are still together, then the relationship should be the priority.

Remember, you don't need to go away for a week or two to find solitude and thinking space.


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Hello Darien 😊

Looks like you are going through a stressful time. Looking after a baby or toddler is stressful at any age, let along at 21.

I get the feeling that having let her down...

Dont be so hard on yourself. Little kids and financial strain can make anyone and any relations stressed. Stress is a pain because it weighs down and complicates the good things in life. It is hardly surprising that the mother of your child wants to see other people, and you want to excape to the excitement and freedom of travel.

For sure, save for the travel but at the same time put it aside for a while, as it may make one more independent, and add other dimentions to ones life, but only if you are reasonably happy and balanced in the first place. Otherwise, running away from your feelings and problems could possibly make things worse. So, make the travels a possiblity by saving for them, and considering where you want to go, but in the meantime sort out your problems.

In your favour, you do have a job. So, you might not be a huge earner yet, but as you said you work in the computer industry so have marketable skills and possibilities for more. You are only 21, so you have potential to be more and get more on the job front in the future. And, you are a father who is in contact with his child, with no custody battle going on.

I've just been hurt in past family/relationship situations that I've sort of "closed myself off".

I think, this is the first area to look at. I think, once you sort out the feelings that are comming up from the past, you might find that many of you current problems will become a lot less or even solve themselves completely. There may be free professional help you can avail of on the national health or be payed for by medical insurance if you have it. Otherwise, there is lots and lots of information on the internet, that you could use to help yourself.

The second thing that might help is to temporarily stop trying to prevent your childs mother from seeing other people, or worrying about what she might do or think if you decide to travel. Instead, try to think of ways to put some individual fun and relaxation into each of your lives. Once each of you start feeling good in some ways about yourselves, you will be able to see more clearly if the relationship has potential, or if the problems are real rather than the effects of stress. Things you could try is going out to a cafe by yourself for breakfast on Saturdays morning with the newspaper or a book. In return she could do the same some other time, or go to the hairdresser while you look after your son. You could think up lots of possibilities for affordable fun and relaxation for each of you, and then see how things look for you both after a while.

Mel


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hiya, i agree with some of the other comments and take your son for a weekend away or maybe a week. That way you get a break from your ex, a great bonding time with your son and her a break from both of you 😊 Dont go too far away - my 16 month old wouldnt last more than about 1.5hrs in a car or a few hours on a plane unless you organise it specifically on nap times, but somewhere relaxing. Maybe a house near a beach so they can play in the sand, or a cabin in a caravan park with a toddler playground. Maybe a big city with aquariums or zoos?

One thing though, in australia at least you would need the mother of the child to sign their passport (if they dont have one) and in fact if a father tries to take a baby by themselves even on a domestic flight they get a bit funny and you have to show a medicare card (our health system) to show you are part of the same family and that also sort of proves that you are the primary caregiver (so not stealing the baby).....so for everyone to be calm it is probably easier to go to a local vacation/holiday destination as close to you as you can....with your ex knowing and even seeing all the reservation details etc so she doesnt worry 😊

But...it could be a great trip and it'll prove to your ex you can handle your son by yourself plus if make sure you have heaps lined up but make sure they are fed and sleep at the right times, you'll ahve a great time! and you never know, maybe she'll miss you 😊

good luck, tam Reply to this