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Published: December 13th 2012
On September 15th, in the heart of the Bluegrass, flanked by historic brick colonials and shaded by a tall maple tree, Andras and I were finally married! We opted for a small, intimate ceremony combining a blend of natural beauty with southern elegance. In the weeks and months before, I'd busily hit the corners of the country again - Seattle for a bridal shower, New York to pick up the wedding dress - while Andras was out of the country in Mexico. The days prior were filled with last-minute errands, picking up family at the airport and finalizing arrangements for the rehersal dinner, watching the weather forecast call first for rain, then for thunderstorms, then for severe thunderstorms strickly limited to the hours our wedding was to be held outdoors. And somehow, everything was perfect.
Up until planning our own wedding, I took-for-granted the accepted rituals that we either felt, personally, were necessary for the day to proceed, or that we were obligated, socially, to include in order to meet the expectations of our guests. These liminal moments in life are some of the last vestiges for superstition in an otherwise rational world. When I hear of weddings in other
cultures, other places, I am always curious to hear about the traditions that accompany the day, so it was a surprising pleasure to hear how uniquely American our wedding was considered from foreign friends of ours. Just because
we don't classify our wedding as culturally exotic, doesn't mean it isn't deeply cultural. I could likely talk at length about the day, but I won't for a few reasons. Firstly, describing your emotions often sounds cliche - but they're there, in a look or a laugh; I think our photographer did a much better job capturing that than I ever could in words. Second, reading about other people's love is
tedious, and besides,
what we did isn't nearly so interesting as
why we did it. So instead: the making of an American wedding.
The Making of a Bride The morning of the wedding, immediate female family members and closest female friend(s) gather together - along with hair-stylists and make-up artists - to participate in the bridal transformation. Nails have all been manicured, trimmed and freshly painted. The hand you give in marriage, should, afterall, be looking its best. The selection of a hair-style has been carefully considered, perhaps even
The Making of a Bride
All hands on deck to button all the many buttons.agonized over, for weeks. Up or down; structured or loose. It is an important decision as it, along with The Dress, sets the attitude of the day. A tightly constricted, every-hair-in-its-place, up-do suggests formality, elegance and propriety. Loose hair cascading down over the shoulders announces that one can relax, be a little care-free - a little boheme. In fact, the one thing that surprised my father was that I'd chosen to pull my hair up, rather than let it tumble down my back. It was a calculated decision. Swept up curls with tendrils loose around the face. Natural but classy.
Hair and make-up complete, the wedding dress makes its appearance. Up until the point when The Dress enters the picture, the scene is mostly one of fun and laughter. However, once the cacophany of lace and tulle adrons the body, the tone turns more serious.
Everyone present has a role to play in ensuring the bride is ready to be presented. Dozens of tiny buttons are carefully done up by hand. Someone helps her step into her shoes as she can no longer see her feet. Carefully chosen accessories are presented for good luck.
Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. She is veiled and handed a bouquet of fragrant flowers, a pop of color against the background of white. There is now a bride in the midst.
The Making of a Groom Some point along the way - after taking care of any issues that should have already been dealt with, and fielding questions that should have been posed to someone else - the groom finds a moment to get dressed. A designee is sent from the bride with a small parcel, a symbolic token from the bride - socks to prevent the groom "
from getting cold feet" on his way to the alter.
Prelude to Ceremony Traditionally, it has been considered bad luck for the groom to see the bride prior to the ceremony. But in recent years - coinciding with the rise of couples who have long since cohabitated and shared their day-to-day lives with each other - it has become popular for the bride and the groom to steal a quiet moment away together before arriving at the alter. Still, the "first look" is an entirely orchestrated affair; it remains bad luck for the groom to see the bride
The Bridal Bouquet
Loved these flowers: yellow and ivory garden roses, green hydragea and seeded eucalyptus. Then springs of silver lambs-ear (from memories of the fuzzy leaves I loved a child), freesia (my mother's favorite scent) and a few hen-and-chicks (as a nod to the ones growing near grandparents back deck and my father's potted succulents). outside this brief, scripted window, before or after, and great pains are taken by all involved to ensure an accidental meeting of the couple does not occur (even if this means hiding a bride behind a pillar, and creating a human blockade of bridesmaids and groomen to avert the groom's eyes, should they find themselves on the same sidewalk, outside the same coffee shop, the morning of).
Because ceremonies can now be held anywhere, couples feel pressure to have every nuance of their wedding "mean something." We chose a small historic park, downtown, a few blocks from where we met.
At the ceremony site, the groom waits beneath an alter - specially decorated for the event - while the processional of parents and attendants make their way down the aisle. The bride is escorted by her father, walking along a petal strewn path created in the wake of a young, innocent flower girl. Women with feminist sensabilities who do not want to rob their parents of a special moment when she is "given away" determine that an appropriate response to "Who gives this woman to this man" is "She gives of herself, and has our blessing." Rings are
exchanged (maid-of-honors in particular should take good care to, first, not forget them, and then later not lose them on the ground!), vows are made, hands are bound in unity so the couple can "
tie the knot" and the pact is sealed with a kiss and "I Do."
The Reception While the new couple gets whisked away by the photographer to forever capture their newly wedded bliss on film, wedding guests make their way to an adjacent reception site to imbibe in cocktails and appetizers. One should never leave their guests hungry. When word spreads that the couple is on their way back, all gather around to witness the couple's entrance as they are announced, for the first time, as husband and wife. Toasts are made; speeches are given. Alcohol is free-flowing. A meal is served. And everytime an individual taps a utensil against their glassware, the rest of the guests join in and the couple must kiss to the symphony of clinkling silverware.
The dance floor is opened with the couple sharing their first dance to a song chosen ahead of time. Later, the wedding cake is cut - a multi-layer confection ornately embellished to coordinate
with the bride's ensemble. Displayed off to the side is the groom's cake - a smaller cake, decorated to reflect an aspect of the groom's personality or a hobby. The bride makes the first slice into the cake, with the groom's hands atop hers, and is fed the first bite from her husband. And remember, no matter how stable that perfect slice of cake appears to be balancing atop that silver knife, a smart husband will have a plate at the ready to catch it the moment it almost topples to the floor! All the crumbs must be eaten up or you will suffer from infertility. The top layer of the cake is then removed and carefully wrapped to keep for the next year, when it will be eaten one year later on the couple's first anniversary.
In order to share their good fortune in finding a happy partner, the bride and groom gather all the single men and woman together for the bouquet and garter toss. First the groom wades through numerous layers of fabric in search of the elusive garter, encircling his wife's thigh. Once free, he tosses it into the eager crowd, who
should fight over
Lavender Toss
Leaving the reception at the Bodley-Bullock house, being showered with fragrant lavender buds (my favorite) rather than rice it amongst themselves, rather than silently watch it fall to the ground without moving a muscle. The bride will then follow suit, tossing a bridal bouquet into the sea of single ladies, who
should clamour for the flowers as though catching them is a special honor. Whomever catches the garter and bouquet is supposed to be the next to get married and have good luck in their relationships. Apparently, no one at our wedding was too keen on getting married anytime soon (as one of my bridal attendants said, "Ordinarly I'm a team player, but I am
not catching the bouquet.")
After much merriment, it is time for the bride and groom to depart. All the guests line up and shower the exiting couple with rice or, for the more eco-friendly and ever so aromatic option, dried lavendar buds, showering them with fertility and luck. Secretly, the wedding party has tied tin cans, streamers and ribbons to the back bumper of the get-away car so that the itrattles down the street, drawing attention from passersby (and did it ever!), announcing to all who see it that the couple inside was "Just Married" and will, presumably, live "Happily Ever After."
*All wedding photos were taken by Josh Perkins of
RedTreePhotography. Bridal shower photos copyright of Emily Hawken of
e�photography. They are both phenomenally good at what they do, so if you need photos in the Kentucky or Washington area, look them up!
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Jo Trouble
Jo McCarthy
Congratulations!
Fantastic news - warmest congratulations to you both!!