Note on the title: Unlike many Americans, I do understand that the city is not pronounced "Mel-born" However the proper pronounciation kills my little pun. For the record, it's "Mel-burn." The phenetics are a little unfortunate considering the recent Australian bush fires that have ravaged the Victoria countryside. These of course differ from American Bush fires, which tend to be ephagies. Australia is a land of anomalies. It's this massive hunk of Earth way out in the middle of nowhere Indian Ocean. Its nearest neighbor is Asia, it's heritage English but its attitude is pure South [View Full Entry]

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The human body is a shamelessly fragile vessel. Considering the mind it protects, one that outperforms all others on this planet ten-fold, its shocking how weak our bodies are. We're confined to the tiny cage that our world becomes when one has such a small survival window. Our pathetic flesh leaves us exempt from the spoils of extreme temperature and warmth, we lack the ability to explore the sky, our addictions to air food and water leave us shaming oursleves with want after a meer few hours. The planet suddenly becomes very small when you consider the places we dare not [View Full Entry]

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Laos is the red-headed stepchild of Southeast Asia. Forgotten and overshadowed by its illustrious neighbors. Not, that this is Laos' fault. When you share borders with such a lineup of famous (and sometimes notorious) countries, it's easy to be overlooked. Laos lacks anything that would put it on the international map (not literally of course. It's on an actual map, it's the one that looks like it's spooning with Vietnam. Like me it prefers to be the little spoon). Thailand has its beaches, Vietnam has its war, Cambodia has its history and China has, well, the fact that it's freakin Ch [View Full Entry]

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Allow me to be frank. I'm not feeling it. This whole blog thing. The mood's just not there. My imagination's no longer running wild, it's been caged in a zoo where it lounges on a log for 18 hours a day and only gets up to strategically lick its genitals when a nun walks by. I need new spark plug's in my brain to get my mental pistons firing. Blah Blah metaphore blah blah (something in parethesis) blah blah atrocious grammar. I guess at the moment I'm just Skypeing it in. It may be the combination of epic bus rides, stifling [View Full Entry]

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Take one of the largest places on the planet, with almost one fifth of its population, probably the most varied landscape of any one country, a history of power and culture that goes back 4000 years and try experience it all in two weeks. THEN, try to reduce that down into 1000 words of commentary to be consumed by the masses back at home (I may be overstating my audience a little with "masses") The task is impossible. China is too much, we've been grinding nonstop for the last 2 weeks and have hardly touched this place. China is so epic [View Full Entry]

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Koreans love to stare. No hesitation, no shame, just stare. They'll fix their gaze on you like they're waiting for you to explode or for a beast to erupt from your stomach. There are just certain social taboos that don't translate from one culture to another. The Chinese spit, Italians are very forward with woman, the Koreans stare. Like it's their job and they get paid hourly. I like to consider myself a people watcher. I love to observe and absorb the people around me, especially in a different country. But i try to be sly, sneak my peeks. If my [View Full Entry]

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The first time Kim Jong il went golfing, his first time ever picking up a golf club, he shot a world record 38 under par. He recorded 11 hole in ones to shatter Solvang native Al Geiberger's previous record round of 59. The folks at the PGA and Guiness Book of World Records refuse to acknowledge this score. They say that there is no evidence either video or photo that confirms the claim. They ignore the fact that 4 of Kim's personal bodyguards were on hand to witness the entire event. Why would these men, who's lives lie in Kim's hands [View Full Entry]

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Tokyo is Lewis Carrol's Technicolor wet dream. New York on LSD. If London had an illegitimate love child with Hunter S. Thompson, and that child did shrooms, it would be Tokyo. We've been some strange places in our time, but never anything like this. Tokyo is the crazy homeless man who stands on the corner screaming the world's most nonsensical gibberish at the top of his lungs. Thoughts so chaotic and loud that you change your path to work just to walk by him everyday, thanking God that you are able to witness such uncompromising madness. I, my friends, am a [View Full Entry]

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I am a Viking. My hands of those of Thor god of Thunder. My wit is spy like that Loki. My blood pulses through my veins by decree of Oden. When I leave this earth, I will spend eternity in the glorious forever of epic feast and never-ending battle that is Valhalla. Unfortunately, i was born in the wrong century (and with the wrong physique, i could be helmet horn polisher at best). Current international law prevents the psychotic Berzerker rampage of bloodshed that my anscestors made famous. Nowadays it's just a very quick way to get kicked out of the [View Full Entry]

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O.K. I have a scenario for you. I want you to imagine yourself in this situation. Now, free your mind and close your eyes (wait now you can't read. ok. open your eyes. shit, your eyes are closed, you don't know to open. My only means of commune are visual. We're stuck. You're just sitting there in your office with your eyes closed in front of the computer like an asshole, and i've got no means to rectify this. Unless of course you never listened to me and didn't close your eyes to begin with, in which case you're already an [View Full Entry]

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