PND

So by this point in my stay i'm coming to the point where the thrill of being here is wearing off and my mind is going hither and tither sparking desires and speculating about future plans. Now i feel that i will not be able to maintain a life in an ashrama wherever i am, unless of course i get some seva that fits my nature. i don't know what that is and now i feel kind of stagnant doing a very necessary seva. i think that this is to help me realize how sincere i am and what my dedication is. if i am fully dedicated than i will happily do any seva with 100% effort but now with this i am feeling very lazy doing what i need to be doing, and in when ... read more

Krishna Krishna Krishna Krishna. This path of the science of self realization is quite difficult from a finite's perspective. My understanding of the process is that first we must meditate on and realize our own good and bad qualities through self examination and introspection. I feel that through self examination we come to realize our many character defects, such as--i'll speak for myself here--narcissism, conceit, self-centeredness, self-indulgent, self-serving, miserly and general inconsiderate, egocentric qualities. I can't be ALL bad, can I? No! I must have some worth in the positive. I mean, all those "character defects" are good for ME, but when you consider that I have to deal with others than you can see that some problem may arise for me if i am acting fully in regards to my own benefit. Again, I MUST ... read more

In the line of teaching that i am trying to follow one key conception is self examination, introspection, and being generally conscious of everything you do and the consequences that will have on others. let me tell you what, trying to do that is very hard. every time i look at myself i feel there is something i need to clean out or work on because leaving that quality there is only giving me trouble. and the deeper you get the more bullshit and garbage there is to clean out, i feel that job will never be over. i'm not talking about like cleaning out my personality traits or killing who i am. i'm talking about getting rid of the bullshit like selfishness, narcissism, conceit, greed, self-serving, intolerance, critical thinking etc. the task seems unending and ... read more

Well yesterday i wrote a big post about how my Guru left this world and i'm discouraged to write anything. basically there's a conception of union in separation that i'm trying to take into my heart by holding on and being conscious of my desire to follow the teachings and instructions of my guru. we consider his being now to be in samadhi http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samadhi#In_Bhakti my next move is to go to russia and get association of more disciples of my guru because i find their association to be most inspiring to my disposition. i was invited by a temple manager to come, cook, lead arati singing http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arati#Aarti_in_Gaudiya_Vaishnavism and also give some class or answer questions. in preparation of doing this service i will listen and read my Gurus recordings and publications and basically regurgitate what i've ... read more

om ajnana-timirandhasya jnananjana-salakaya caksur unmilitam yena tasmai sri-gurave gurvvabhista-supurakam guru-ganair asisa-sambhusitam chintyachintya-samasta-veda-nipunam sri-rupa-panthanugam govindabhidham ujjvalam vara-tanum bhakty anvitam sundaram vande visva-gurun cha divya-bhagavat-premno hi bija-pradam Oh! Crown Jewel of the line of Sri Rupa, Bhakti Sundar Govinda. The Transcendental sound coming from Your lotus mouth is cool and soothing to sincere seekers. By hearing Your conclusions sincere seekers acquire a hankering for devotion, realizing their wealth as coming into contact with the line of Sri Rupa they sing Your praises. Perfectly following the mood of Srila Saraswati Thakur freely You distribute the Maha mantra to sincere seekers without limitations, granting them entrance into the of realm ecstatic servitude to love divine. So mercifully You a... read more

So i went to haridwar helping a devotee carry a big bag full of audio recording equipment (wires, metal...) it was really heavy. for the purpose that we were going there our team leader wanted us to appear as journalists so i had to buy some pants and shoes, i couldn't find any shoes my size so i had to buy reboks for $30, i found some nice pants for 400 rupees only. this was in new delhi paharganj district. by the time we got to haridwar my mind is boiling because it's hot and i'm carrying all this equipment and i'm feeling taken for granted, not a good combo, i didn't want to be around anyone and the only shelter i could take was chanting maha mantra. the next day i put my pants on ... read more

The Purna Kumbh Mela is the 12 year "Complete Pot Festival" having something to do with astrology and bathing in the ganga. I will be attending this festival in order to assist in recording audio for a video production for the spreading of hare nama sankirttan movement in russia. i have never been to haridwar and i'm excited to be in a place with few to no mosquitoes. today i leave on Rajdhani express 20+ hour train ride to delhi alone and i don't know how long to haridwar. i'll see my friend satya sundar whom i haven't seen for a long time, i hope it will be a good experience. anyway i must go eat mass amount of paneer. hare krishna... read more

"Almost all the songs of Srila Narottam das Thakur give the gist of the scriptures and for the conditioned soul, everything has been given through his songs. Not only Srila Narottam das Thakur but Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur also. And what Bhaktivinoda Thakur has given is more practical for us. We have no capacity to express our heart but they have that capacity and they have explained everything about our position. Their expression is very appropriate for our heart and when we are hearing their poetry we feel, 'It is my own languages coming through that poet.' Srila Narottam das Thakur expressed his heart but it is for the benefit of everyone." -Srila Bhakti Sundar Govinda Maharaja- here is the translation only of the song Avatara Sara by Srila Lochan das Thakur. 1: The incarnation of Sri ... read more

So the russians are asking if i'm going to go to jagganatha puri with them, i would like to but i'm not sure if i have the money. if i go to puri i will miss the hapaniya pilgrimage, but i am not so concerned with going with a group. i can always make my own pilgrimage while reading or listening to the glories of Srila Gurumaharaja. as far as this post goes i am posting some information on wireless internet connectivity that is accessable across india. it is quite cheap, maybe 10 dollars a month but i have no income, so if anyone feels like contributing well here is some information http://www.reliancenetconnect.co.in/high_speed_device.html 1500 rupees is like $40 and than 10$ a month for the fee, the entirety of my stay might cost another $40 if ... read more

We come to the holy dham to share something of what is already in our hearts. sadhu sanga and sadhana will bring us closer to what is in our hearts because due to our conditioning we do not know wholly what is in our hearts. my only wish is to distribute the nectar mercifully bestowed upon me by the devotess, i know i will always fall short but these few words i hope will provide sustenance to you all. all glories to Sri Sri Guru and Gauranga! Hare Krishna Jay Nitai Chaitanya!... read more