What to do about wanting to make decisions.

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So by this point in my stay i'm coming to the point where the thrill of being here is wearing off and my mind is going hither and tither sparking desires and speculating about future plans. Now i feel that i will not be able to maintain a life in an ashrama wherever i am, unless of course i get some seva that fits my nature. i don't know what that is and now i feel kind of stagnant doing a very necessary seva. i think that this is to help me realize how sincere i am and what my dedication is. if i am fully dedicated than i will happily do any seva with 100% effort but now with this i am feeling very lazy doing what i need to be doing, and in when i'm not maintaining my seva i'm mostly in the mundane when i could be reading or chanting trying to be more conscious of krishna.
my feeling now is that if my mentality continues to be where it is at presently than the best thing for me, i think, is to go back to the states and find some way to support myself.
the ideas i'm playing with are studying music full time, and part time taking some blacksmithing class when i can.
recently my artistic interest has risen and i am thinking of doing something in regards to art, maybe major in music and minor in some type of art.
after i get some credits in music my idea is to study music abroad, i found a good website www.studymusicineurope.org/ that seems like it has all the information i would need in order to study in another country, which would definitely sustain some inspiration to study, so long as i learn to divert energy to study, but i really like music so i think it shouldn't be a problem so long as i'm challenged in the material provided and my teacher is dynamic.

i guess i'm just trying to find my shade of gray in the scheme of things so i can serve to my own capacity within that grayscale.

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