I'm on fire....

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Today marks the end of manipura chakra or the seat of our fire. I must say I am quite okay with that as old demons of frustration with process and boredom of pedantic semantics got me down. Sort of like restless leg syndrome but worse. No doctor prescribed meds for that one worth taking. Believe me, I have tried...this is why i am now on the path of yoga. Longer lasting highs...

Tomorrow we also finish our Ekadasi kriya or 11 day cleasing process. I am not too sure what to expect from this besides "processing" and "possible agitation." I am quite enjoying the vivid images that pop into my head. Especially the topless lady in the sea. I quite liked her. The dead horse washing up on shore...not so much. I am trying to integrate what I am seeing into some sort of message but it is all so fleeting and so confusing.

Today I actually left asana class. I was really frustrated and angry and a lot of stuff as a child came up. i was crying so hard I couldn't practice and left the shala out of respect for my peers. I remembered getting so mad as a child that my nose bled when I was told to do something I didn't want to do. I had and still have such a strong willpower to maintain my independence and I don't handle it well when people use their authority over me and take my power. This is a big demon for me. I have a hard time to surrendering to that which I don't want to be part of. My whole body seizes up and I contract on all levels. So I guess that my trips to India teach me to let go a little bit at a time. To surrender to the flow. I knew I wouldn't get away without a couple good cries.

Speaking of which - how would feel having to dance seductively to very seductive music in front of someone for 3 minutes and stare into their eyes the whole time? Then switch and do it three more times. Then have the group rotate and have four people dance for you. Yeah...super awkward and horrible. Then it was super healing. I cried everytime one lady danced for me who was the embodiment of shameless. No shame, nothing but pure sweet love and kindness. I didn't really know the seduction could be so open hearted. Bang. That is the sound of my sacral chakra opening. Thank you Melanie!

We have a day off Saturday. I am off to a wear one colour birthday party with the pirate kids and then off to find a harmonium Saturday. Hopefully we can secure a few lessons and then it will be chant o rama when I get home. Sanskrit already paved the highway to god by being chanted so many times. I think it will get you there faster than chanting sweet child o mine. hmmmm chant that 120.000 times and see what happens. xoxo

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