ode to a mozzie

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i wish i was a mozzie,
they must have so much fun,
i wish i could have seen the smiles on their faces,
when the f**kers bit my bum!

hey guys,

ok, im going to get this down as much as i can or ill start fogetting. la paz for the moment will have to wait for the next one, im back here at the mo and will return again so all is well and the chronology shall not be lost.


ill quickyl tell you about the cholla wrestling though... coz wil was awesome! every sunday in la paz is the crazy and totall unique cholla wrestling up at the stadium on top of one of the cliffs that overlooks the city. just the was is amazing. the stadium is inside. 50 bolivians (a fiver.. easy currency exhange!) will get you a vip seat (for tourists only) at ringside, a drink, a snack (cheese based of course!) and a souvenir (a sticker and a tiny clay cholla. it starts at 3 and finishes at 7 and is crazy. so.. you all want to know what a cholla is... its the traditional name for a traditional andean woman.. the ones with plaits in their hair and big robust bodies and clothes... yep, women wrestling. and its not just women, men do it too, in costumes such as spiderman and weird spandex and laytex outfits. of course its all staged, but its so funny. they draw fake blood and hit the ref and judge and t he crowd yelps and screams for who they want to win. they throw the chollas left, right, centre and over the ring and into the crowds. the funniest was the last one.. 2 chollas and a midgit cholla. totally un PC but hilarious anyway. so there you go... wwf bolivian style! i have pictures dont worry.


moving on. we caught a bus to rueneebeque, it took 20 hrs, we didnt break down and it cost 8quid.. amazing. but, its not really that far to get to the pampas from la paz, bolivia is only the size of texas after all. as i was looking out the window admiring the spectcular scenery that is the yungas, massive cliffs that go so high that the waterfalls look like they're falling out of the sky (immense!), i realised that we were going at less than the pace of a very tired snail. then i looked down.... less than an inch from the wheels of the huge bus was the most dramatic drop you could possibly get. ah yes, this would be the worlds most dangerous road then.. or part of it! i got verigo just looking out the window. and whats worse... when another bus or truck came along, we had to reverse for them. theres no barriers on the worlds most dangerous road.. dont be silly! we were just reversing a massive bus round a blind corner with a cliff and a miles plumet to inevitable doom if you put a foot wrong.. fatality rate 100%. excellent. luckily our driver was accomplished at the art of manouvering beasts round tight, death defying corners so it was ok. i did hold my breath a few times though.

we arrived at the lovely little town of rueuerrenabque (still havent quite got the spelling) early and immediatley found a tour to the pampas for 3 days.. isralee of course, but the tour guide spoke english so all was not lost. the group of 4 israles had become 8.. the russians and a couple. the journey to the actual national park took the best part of 4 hours coz of the bad dirt track conditions and we were thrown about the jeep like popcorn. eventually we arrived... to the pampas.. the beginning of the amazon tributaries and our long boat awaited us! the tour guide was aptly named RAMBO!!!.. a tough 27 year old bolivian who´d spent the first part of his life in a jungle tibe then moved to the hamlet just outside the park gates. he spoke 5 languages, his own tribe, spanish, portguese, hebrew and english. and spent a year in england working as a waiter to improve his english more. not bad for a george of the jungle type!

after telling us we'd be going up the rear for an hr (i laughed, noone else got it... ahh, brighton toilet humour!) we set of up into the pampas. it was truely, unspeakably and undeniably breathtaking. the noises from the multitude of birds and mamals was impressive to say the least. we saw paradise birds, pampas pongos, a massive crane, king fishers, fishing egales (they were cool) and so many others. and then i saw it, hiding in the jungle that had spread onto the water, its eyes the same reptilian color and shade as its scales.. a real life wild alligator! only its head above the water, watching us, unblinkingly, from its camoflaged hideout. WOW!!! it was only about 2 meters long.. it was a small snouted one not a massive croc. but still. we got right up close to it and everything. sweet!

on the other side of the river rambo drove us into a bush. being at the front i was shoved right into it. hmm, classic bolivian driving thought i. before i knew what was happening rambo had shoved a bananna in my hand... within seconds i was covered in squirrel monkeys, all fighting to get to the bananna! it was so cool! even though all i could sort of think about was 'thank god i got that rabis jab´. haha. we stayed with the monkeys for a bit then carried on up the flooded river to our abode. again, awesome! huts on stilts in the water! it was literally like something out of waterworld. cool as! unfortunatly the generator had died that morning so there was no electricity or showers. ewgh! been on a 20hr journey and now in the jungle covered in monkeys, well wanted a shower! anyway, we dined on a feast of spag bol (the best we'd had in bolivia), courtesy of our on board chef erika! by this time it was about 8pm (11/3/09 i think.. note to self) and rambo gathered us to tell us what our evening adventure was going to be... alligator hunting! armed with tourches we travelled up the river in search of croc eyes to flash our lights at croc eyes glow red with light). up hill and down dale we went, only spotting a couple at a distance. i was already ecstatic we´d seen so much as its wet season the the pampas is overflowing with water, hard to find any animals. all of a sudden one of the guys screamed into the blackness of the night. the pampas is very black, there are lots of noises, we were in a long narrow, rocky boat with the very real dangers of pirahnas, crocs and anacondas on the opposite side of the piece of wood that contained 10 of us. to hear the scream sent fear to the pits of our stomaches. and what had happened? rambo had somehow (only a true jungle expert could surely do this) caught a baby alligator and shoved it in the face of one of the poor unsuspecting russians. it was brill! we all took turns to hold it.. except another one of the guys who dropped the damn thing! in the boat! causing pandemonium for about 5 mins. rambo told us about the alligator, gave him a wash and popped him back in the water (dont get me started on the eco tourism rant and how close we got to everything and how sustainable it is and all that stuff... i am fully aware. although the guide book does say its one of the best places in the world for eco tourism... from the rotting egg smell of the stale petrol from the boat in some areas i may have to beg to differ... the guide book is 5 years old anyway and clearly has no idea of the conecpt!) and meandered our way back to the huts. i just need to inform you, incase you wonderd.. all the animals in the pampas STINK!! the monkeys were cool but stank, the alligator was cool but stank, as did every other mamal, bird, reptile, fish or any other living breathing thing in the pampas.

we headed to the sunset bar... yes, in the middle of the pampas, there was a bar,made of wood on stilts, only accessible by boat, with hammocks and look outs and cold beer (and also a large collection of spirits that were given to the barman as a present that we couldnt drink... whats the point of having them on show then!!) coool.

we went to bed quite early, knackered from the days events and having to get up at 7. i didnt get up at 7. i was woken at 4, by excruciating burning all down my back and legs. the mozzies had launched a full flung attack on me. now, im not stupid, i know there are mozzies in the jungle and that mozzies like me more than any other. the hut that we slept in had mozzie nets all round the open air bits. all the beds had mozzie nets and i was covered in mozzie spray. these things were indestructable. the worst bites were concentrated in the crack where your leg ends and your bum begins. i had about 15 on each side. i stopped counting the bites at 50. the toxins going through my body was insane, as was the itching. grim to the extreme!

morning came for everyone else... it was raining, monsoon style. breakfast was good, pancakes, dough balls, fruit, jams, yummy! oh, and we were joined by a 3m croc... rambos sort of pet, he lives around the hut area and comes out at meal times to join in. he´s ominous to say the least. i think his name was bob. its all normal there in the pampas. the exec decision was that the rain wasnt going to stop, and we hadnt come all this way to sit indoors. so we headed out again for more wildlife spotting. and we found it... them... pink thems... the pink dolphins! pink river dolphins came out to play with us, taking the water bottles thrown to them in their play pools and taking them down under the water and letting them go further upstream. WOW!!! but they were so hard to photograph coz they only came up for seconds at a time. but they were amazing. some people got in the water, we dangled our feet in, the dolphins even got someones foot thinking it was a fishy! incredible.

off next for pirahna fishing. on the way rambo suddenly stopped the boat and told us all to keep very still and quiet, then he made a half leap over the side of the boat and started struggling with something.... it was only an anaconda! a baby anaconda... highly rare to even see let alone catch one when the waters are high, we'd written it off completely. but he got one! it was crazy... and scarey at the same time. he tied it round all our necks (not at the same time.. that would have been a very big snake!) and showed us and let us touch it and then let it go again. i cant believe we saw all those animals, we never caught pirahnas coz the water was too dark for them the see the bate. but still, i thought we weren't going to see anything. and most of the other groups didnt see as much as us. yay, good old rambo, with his machette and cxrazy driving through tiny gaps.

dinner was some sort of marinated pork and rice and salad and beetroot and chips. v good. then we went back to the bar and heard tales from the jungle.

next day back for more dolphin playing then back to the jeep to go. it wasd raining more than ever, a bit cold and miserable actually. the jeep came and the long journey back started. and then stopped. then skidded, then came to a halt. along with a car, 3 more jeeps and 2 trucks. a messy, muddy pile up. it took 2 hours to sort it all out, we waded through the mud and hauled the jeeps and eventually got out of there. we thought we´d be spending the night!

but all was well and we got back to ruennebeque in time to go to a really good restaurant where the tunisian chef had travelled the world and landed in the pampas to cook french bolivian cuisine. a massive steak with red wine reduction, garlic potatoes and veg. yummy!

and on that note im going to leave you all to go and have my sunday roast... ive ditched the israles (whose language i just couldnt get) in favour of my own, and the english, irish and ozzi tradition of good old drinking. im in a party hostel full of us, and guess what.. its st patricks day in 2 days time! whoop whoop! unfortunately everyone went out last night and are nursing their heads and going to see the cholla wrestling tonight which ive already done... table for 1? theres a long list on the roast front, im sure it will be fine!

ciao for now
xxx

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