My-Ami

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Some brief notes from Elise and my weekend trip to Miami. I normally don't feel inclined to write about a weekend wedding trip (since at our rate I'd never have time to do anything else), but this trip had some interesting events and besides we were in Miami so it felt like an actual vacation too.

So, here's a few things that took place, or I observed.

Friday (May 4): We arrive at our hotel, the Mayfair Hotel & Spa. It was very nice, had a unique feel to it, the room was spacious and had a little hottub on the balcony - a feature that suffered nearly the same fate as our fireplace at home - looks cool, and fun to brag about having, but seldom actually used. We wander the area a little and I am treated to the first of many locals speaking in Spanish to me rather than English.

Friday night: Rehearsal Dinner at The Knife Steakhouse - Curreri managed to find the highest meat to oxygen ratio on the planet - not surprisingly. After a healthy dosage of beef for most of us (and an egg or something for Elise) and apparantly a few bottles of Red Wine for me, we went to a Coconut Grove watering hole (the name I could not tell you if you "Gitmo'ed" me) and revelled a while longer. Records from that point in the evening are spotty as the multitudes of wine mixed with some beer, SoCo and a Jameson shot as the cherry on top.

Saturday (May 5) : I awake the next morning to the rhythm section of the Miami Sound Machine doing a sound check - it turns out that its only in my head, but the throbbing salsa beat is there nonetheless. Elise has already headed out to girl it up with the future Mrs. Perlis, Laurie (rhymes with "sorry"), for some manicures.

I manage to slither out of bed and dazedly make my way to meet them for brunch, followed shortly later by Lee & Phil. After some eggs, french toast and some tableside flirtations with the waitress (guess who), we headed over to the pool at the Ritz.

The bulk of the day was spent doing the following:
> Obtaining enough chairs to house our entire group
> Watching Phil show off his fireman's ladder of abs to whoever would look
> Watching "doughy phil" (or Bizarro Phil if you prefer) show off his inferior body, yet still manage to be attached to the hottest girl at the pool
> Noticing that after about 15 seconds in the sun I'd already achieved a level of chocolatey brownness that my pasty compatriots could not get if they were parked on the sun itself.
> Admiring Ethan and Chuck for their "hair of the dog" day afternoon experience.

and then this:
Walking back to our hotel after the day at the pool, wearing my bathing suit, so carrying my shorts over my shoulder I somehow manage to lose my wallet from the pocket of the shorts. I of course don't realize this until I've gotten back to my hotel and then after Elise and I retrace our steps several times we race back to the hotel and begin the process of canceling my credit cards while racing against the clock to make it to the wedding on time.

We finish with the fire drill, then the cop arrives to fill out the report so I have some evidence of this to give to the airline since I am now travelling sans ID and even browner skin than normal. At this point we have missed the shuttle to the wedding but are alerted that they are passing in our direction. The driver refuses to stop for us, but our cop begs to differ. He pulls into the middle of the street, puts on the blinkers and stops traffic and ultimately gets us on the bus - we make a grand entrance with our police escort and then move on to the party.

Meanwhile in Chicago, Mike goes to our apartment and has to find my passport and fax me a photocopy of it so I have some semblance of photo ID for airport.

The Wedding We arrive at the Botanic Gardens with the Chihuly Exhibit and it is extremely beautiful. The weather is a little steamy but not too bad. The ceremony goes off without a hitch and we managed to avoid any rain, which seemed inevitable.

The party is under a tent and is again, awfully steamy, but lots of fun. Our table is the Sigma Chi GW table so we all know each other and are able to have a grand ol' time hanging out. Mike and Meredith seem to actually like each other which is also a bonus. Photos are taken, drinks are drunk (drank?), dance steps are stepped and a good time is had by all.

We go back to the hotel where more drinks are served and we hang out and watch as people slowly dig their way back into the wedding cake that has been put out for all to enjoy. Meanwhile, Phil takes a guided tour through the lush vegetation of the Ivory Coast while the rest of us congregate in the lobby bar. The night wears on and slowly we all fade away into our own places of habitation.

Sunday We awake, check out of hotel and make our way to the Ritz to enjoy the brunch and say our goodbyes to the happy couple before they trek off to Greece. Some eggs, potatoes and coffee later, we head out to the pool to enjoy one more day in the Miami sun. At this point, Elise and I, Lee and Laurie and Ethan are pretty much the last of the group to leave. So, as the others sit and relax, and I continue to brown we are treated to a floor show. A couple shows up to the pool. He: A heavyset guy with a beard and a Red Sox hat. She: A slim blond with enhanced breasts and little else. She must love him for his personality. She removes her top to reveal that in place of an actual bathing suit she is wearing heart shaped pasties over her nipples. Elise and Laurie are not too impressed in a "we're kind of impressed" sort of way. Ethan, Lee and I are impressed in a "look, you can see her whole boob" way. So this entertains us for another hour or so before Lee and Laurie catch their plane back to New York.

With some more time to kill (though not as much as we'd like since I have to allow more time at the airport with no ID to show) Ethan has rented a car and he and Elise and I head to South Beach to catch a glimpse of the madness that supposedly goes on there. We drive up, manage to find a primo parking spot thanks to my eagle eye and walk the "strip" for about an hour.

Observations of South Beach:
> There must be a secret code that says "in lieu of covering any parts of your body, please where the largest most flashy sunglasses you can find"
> The myriad old Art Deco architecture is actually pretty stunning. There are buildings that are empty with amazing facades in every muted pastel color you can imagine.
> On Sunday afternoon you can get a 12 oz NY strip for $14, and an Italian Ice for $15. Hmm.
> The sun is about 10 degrees hotter than in Coconut Grove.
> Thongs are not restricted to those who look best in them
> Thongs are not restricted to women
> When sitting at a restaurant, make sure the last customer wasn't wearing a thong

After gallavanting in South Beach we head towards the airport, catch a glimpse of some of the amazing houses and boats that are probably owned by fat guys who have girlfriends/wives who wear only pasties on their ample busoms.

Get to airport, get through security faster than if I actually had ID (Go Homeland Security!!) and after a quick meal at a Mexican restaurant with an angry Chinese waiter we board our plane. Sit on the tarmac for a while due to a "paperwork issue" and then when that clears up the sky opens up - we are treated to what Elise calls a "car wash" b/c it looks like the sheets of water running down the windows. Finally after about 2 hours we get clearance, take off and head back home to Chicago, where once again I am spoken to in English, until we get back to our neighborhood.

I'm glad to have witnessed Mike and Meredith tie the knot since its been many years in the waiting and I'm a big fan of both of them, and it was great to spend some time with my old college buddies and some guys I haven't seen in probably a decade.

For old times sake:
Brown-o-Meter
Gregg - 9.6
Elise - 4.5 (started out at -6, so vast improvement)

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Comments

[Candace]

funny
That was funny and better than legal research. Perhaps I need a trip to Miami to be 9.7 on the brown-o-meter.

[Marc Martinez]

Bienvenidos a Miami
I find it fascinating that you were in Miami, since that is the name of the song that famous DJ Marc Martinez first played on the Rhythm of the City before nearly any other station in the country knew about it.

[terrie]

just had time to read your blog. I loved it and realized how much i miss your wonderful blogging. thanks for the entertainment. you are the best!!