Lick the djs face

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Wednesday 20th of June After so many late nights I was woken after having only two hours sleep by Michael. I don't think he has ever seen me that angry before I turned and swore agressivly towards him several times. I think I shocked him slightly. Anyway the fool thought it was twelve midday it was 7:30am. He needs to go back to primary school to learn how to tell the time. As it is the second time he has made this mistake he did it in Chicago as well if you read back. He left me be and I got up at the actual 12 o clock still feeling like absolute crap but at least functioning. After several cups of water it was time to reflect on the nights shenanigans with the other hostel goers outside. Not our craziest night but lots of stupid things were still done.Then came the sadness, it was time for Chris and Dec to leave and go to New York, where they would be playing their next gig. A couple of awkward manly hugs to two new friends that definitely made Miami even better, with the sound of the their music and there happy little leprechaun jokes and laughter was always fun. And they made us both like Guinness! Yey. After they left the day was basically another lazy recuperation for the previous nights drinking. The whole time we had been in Miami it had basically just been a long hangover. We hadn't really even seen Miami. Our afternoon was spent like most of our afternoons at the beech throwing a ball. Until we realised it was mansion tonight we need to look sharp so we headed to a place recommend to us by Paul. Ross, it was only a few blocks away the clothes were dirt cheap and were mainly designer labels. We both bought new trousers I also got a shirt and tie. Well I suppose that's enough whittling on about doing nothing in the day, on to where all the action happens in Miami, at night. Michael and I got quickly showered changed into our new gear. We came down looking sharper than the worlds sharpest knife. And got pre drinking, by now my liver had packed its bags and got on a plane back to England. Vodka seemed to have little affect on me anymore I think I have drank more vodka than water on this trip. This is not an exaduration it's fizzy drinks in the day because the tap water has given both of us the shits once or twice. We started the walk up towards mansion. Again the rules were if you have a vagina you will have no issue getting in. Therefore we attached ourselves to two hostel girls proclaiming to be there boyfriends. The girls obviously played along what self respecting girls wouldn't want us to be their boyfriends. We got straight in, mansion was incredible. There were dancers in baths of confetti, with only stars stuck to their private places. There were more of these dancers spread across the club dangling like acrobats on objects above the dance floor. More of them dancing on the bars or in the crowd on stilts. My goodness. The dance floor was packed people. I managed to get to the bar to order a few drinks just two vodka cokes. I had forgotten to withdraw cash before we left so I got my card out. It was the last proper night after all. The woman said I need more drinks to pay on card, so I ordered two bottles of beer. The bill for two tiny thimble vodka cokes and two beers $56. Crap. Anyway I carefully headed back to my friends on the dance floor, to find badger was missing he had been pissing up the bar as the que for the toilet was too long bless badger, what a lad. Kicked out the top club in Miami for pissing in an inappropriate place. The main djs for the night came on. Two beautiful blonde Swedish girls. The crowd was pumping, the atmosphere was electric. I was right at the front shoulder to shoulder in the crowd when one of the dj girls hung backwards over the edge of the dj decks like spiderman right in my face. Ok you have a stunning goddess right I front of your face what do you do. You scream fuck yeah right down her ear and lick her face from her jaw line to her eye brow. Twat. Next thing I know someone had grabbed my hand and was walking me out of the club. Guess who it was, my shadow, now did I take the moral high ground and say no this is a bad idea we probably shouldn't do this........ Of course not what would I have to write about if I did that. So being the judas of my sole, once more drunken Richard walked arm in arm to the beach. With the girl sober Richard had been trying to escape since the last time drunken Richard eloped with her. A gentleman never tells what happened at the beach. But when we were about to leave I checked my pockets and realised my phone was not there. There is no way it could have fallen out on the beach. I hadn't gone far and I knew exactly where I had been. I rang my phone from Rachel's phone and and it was already turned off. This was impossible I had only fully charged it just before we went out. We were still close to the club so we walked quickly back checking everywhere on the way. When we got back to the club it was shut and they wouldn't let me in not even to check. The bouncer said he had been there for 10 years and no one has ever got there phone back. There was a girl trying to get in to find her phone as well I do remember when I was in the main big crowd a group of women were rubbing there hands all over me. I would put money on it being them I was wearing bloody trousers so it would have been a lot easier to get in than jeans. We decided to go back to the beach and check once more, I already knew it wouldn't be there but I might as well check again. We got back to the fence we climbed over before and Rachel hoped over and went in. At which point I noticed a strange man behind me to close for comfort in the dark, I grabbed one of Rachel's shoes in case. I stared right at him not letting him out of my sight. I told him to "go away" and what is he doing. The only thing he said was "police" I replied show me your badge. He said nothing, at which point Rachel came running out from under the JCB, saying to me to, "get in here right now" because there was a man trying to get her and have sex with her. I told her to get out of there and jump over the fence immediately. At no point was I going to turn my back on the man outside. She begged me to come in, but I shouted at her this time, "get the hell over that fence now I will not say it again." This time she did we walked off with our eyes fixed on the men. I told her if my phone is there which I doubt it is, our safety is far more important. As much as she was clingy and annoying at times, I did manage to find out a little bit of normal stuff about her, she is just a little troubled. And I wouldn't wish any harm to come to her, no body deserves that. We walked back to the hostel I was fuming I'd lost everything pictures, videos, contacts, apps and music. Rachel lent me her phone so I could call home to get my phone blocked and barred. Afterwards I dragged my self up to my room to sleep and hope it was just a bad dream.

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