Published: August 6th 2012August 6th 2012
The perfectly packed purse. Why am I writing a blog on this? Because there are lots of women who are violating all the principles of carrying a handbag while travelling. You know who you are. You haven’t cleaned that butt ugly, cheap bag of yours out for weeks! And now you are travelling and have too much crap in there and as a result you have another bag! That you are cramming into that overhead bin. You don’t need two bags unless you have a child with you. One bag. Keep the line moving.
You are thinking, this woman is so rude. I can bring two bags on if I want. And I look ok. REALLY?? Hang onto both of your bags. And that ugly, droopy jacket you were planning to wear with your runners. Now step in front of the mirror. Exactly!! Looks horrid. Lucky for you, I’m going to fix that sad looking display. You can have one bag. One. And here is what you pack. This is your list. Use it on your next trip. No deviating.
1. A nice purse. Nothing too small. Those purses are crap, don’t hold enough, and can lead
to some other very problematic travel blunders. The other thing you need to consider is the size of your ass compared to the size of the purse. Hmmm, thinking on that I hope. So take a closer look at the ratio and make a decision. If everything fits into your travel handbag with no space to spare, it’s the wrong bag. At the same time, it can’t be only practical. It can’t be a giant, patchwork, slouchy, shapeless mess. And it can't be a knockoff!! You’ll look like a schlep. So basically it has to be leather and have enough storage room. And no purse-packsacks. Who invented that? It can be a nice packsack, if that’s your bent, but it can’t be a purse-packsack. If you are unsure of what you have, it needs to go.
2. Ipod and headphones. For the obvious, and to block out the loser you are sitting beside in a politically correct manner. You know that guy who just won’t stop talking? Or if you get stuck next to a woman who has nasal drip. The possibilities are endless.
3. Socks. Because you are wearing heels so that you look good travelling. But
you need to have warm feet because the goal on board any plane is sleep. And a nice looking pair of socks that match your pants. The heels aren’t negotiable. You have got to look nice going thru the airport. Forget runners. I don’t want to hear any rationalizations for runner. They are a giant no. Nice heels, not too high, you don’t want to look like a whore.
4. Candy. I suggest jelly bellies. They are the best candy and come in a resealable bag. And a snack. Always gum and mints. Snacks must not smell. I recommend a ham and cheese sandwich. My personal favourite. Also won’t contribute to any in air or breath issues. And a bottle of water. You are so lucky that I have fully thought thru all of these possibilities for you.
5. Book or magazine. If the flight is under 4 hours, only one. You’re not a pack horse. Unless you have a nice husband with you who will carry a few magazines. Trashy travel magazines like Cosmo! It’s completely acceptable to read trash on vacation. And they are relatively cheap, so you don’t need to haul them all home. Leave them somewhere in the airport for the next person to enjoy.
6. Sweater or scarf. You know these planes can be drafty. And you were probably up too late the night before packing so you are going to be cold and tired. And no, you can’t bring a sweatshirt if you are over 20 years of age. Not even your “good” sweatshirt. Eyeroll.
7. Laptop, ipad or playbook. Only one. If you can get away with a smaller one, all the better. And no working on a plane unless it is absolutely necessary. People working on a plane always look like losers. If you are travelling only for business, fine. But really, you need to be working on a plane?
8. Blackberry & plug. Always have your plug with you.
9. Lint brush (non negotiable)
10. Wallet and passport. And please, clean out that wallet. You’ve got way too much crap in there.
11. Two pens.
12. Toothbrush. You don’t need the paste, but you have to freshen up. The nut jobs that work at security make carrying toothpaste a total pain. But you don’t need it for a short trip. Just brushing is going to make a big difference. Now this is a bit of an issue for me, because I think you should be brushing your teeth every time you wash your hands. I am aware that isn’t recommended practice.
13. Make up bag. If your suitcase is lost, you have to have this, and you know you don’t want to have to buy the drug store crap.
14. Now the underwear issue can be debateable. To carry a spare? I suggest wearing lace underwear, as it will dry overnight if you need to wash it. And I’m not an underwear carry-er. But if you do decide to bring it, it needs to be in a nice bag and at the bottom of the bag.
15. Lip balm
17. Tylenol, midol, advil, robaxecet and some kind of sinus product. Not the entire bottle! Just a small assortment for those stressful travel moments. And you know your own bowel better than I, so if that’s going to create a scene, pack those remedies as well.
18. Unscented hand cream, lipactin, a small mirror, a few lipsticks, and a few wet naps, in a cute bag. Mine is purple.
19. Tampon and panty liner. Also packed somewhere the nosey guy sitting beside you can’t see. You can’t have enough “just in case” items.
21. Flash drive
22. One discretionary item that has no rationale. You get to decide what that is. We all have quirks. It’s OK to bring one little quirk, superstition or completely goofy thing along with you. After all, it is your bag. Ha ha. Of course, that was the problem to start with.
Now you have a beautifully stylish bag to travel with. And all the rest of your luggage is checked. Yes, I know it costs $35. I do not care. You can’t be dragging all your crap thru security and risking that they will open your bag. I do not want to be behind you. You are not that important, you can wait 15 minutes for the luggage.