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Two weeks ago, Leigh Ann, Katie and I, took this amazing trip to Sambo Creek and Cayos Cachinos. I have been wanting to write about everything that happened there. But, here I am am two weeks later and still no blog about my incredible three weekend where I experienced so many new and amazing things. Instead, I am here in Comayagua blogging about probably what is meaningless to most people, except myself.
I am trying not to let the fact that school is almost over, interfere with my day to day life right now. But, it's nearly impossible. Every time I turn around people are talking about the end of the year and their plans. I have said it before and I will say it again, I adore these people. I have come to know and love so many of them. I feel like I am getting the short end of the stick because I only got to be here with them for 6 months instead of 9.
Of course I am so happy for everyone to be moving on and going on to experience a multitude of other things. I think it is amazing that Katie got accepted into Grad School and received scholarships. If anyone can change the world, it will be her. Annie is still undecided as to where she will go. Some days it's Europe, other days it's Peru. Who knows where she will turn up next year, but wherever that place may be...they are in for an awesome time. She is fun, outgoing and just a genuine person. As for Leigh Ann, she is the most indecisive of them all. Some days it's back to school, Peru, Honduras, Comayagua and other days she has other new ideas. Either way, whatever she ends up doing and wherever she ends up going, they will be lucky to have her. She is a smart, outgoing and witty girl who just loves breaking out into a dance no matter where she is. In fact, the four of us not only break out into a dance at strange times, we also bust out songs at very random times. The four of us have grown really close and I hope that even with distance and time, we will remain good friends throughout the years.
Mostly though, I keep thinking about Doniel. He has been such a huge part of my life for the last 5 months. Some of my favourite times here, have been with him. I never expected to come here and find someone like him, nor was I looking to. He has shaped my experience and been a part of everything, basically since I arrived. We have had the "talk" a couple of times about what we are going to do in the fall. But, there are still no solid answers to that question. I really wish there were so I could stop thinking about it. He doesn't want to stay in Comayagua at all. We both agreed to apply to other places in Honduras and see what happens then. None of the places have gotten back to either of us. This of course is not surprising, considering we are in Honduras and they will get back to us in their own time. But, I also remember what he said. He said that if he doesn't get in somewhere else in Honduras, then he has to leave. I understand that he can't bear to stay here another year, it just saddens me to see it all coming to an end so soon.
For my friends and family, they know that me spending any amount of time with a guy beyond a month, is impressive and never happens. I don't know why him. I ask myself that quite often actually. I have never met anyone like him before. He makes me smile, even when I don't want to. He listens to me, even when I don't think he wants to. I guess I am scared that when he leaves, I will go back to being the jaded person I was before he came along. He has shown me so much about myself, things I didn't know at all. I really didn't know I could be so giving in a relationship and I didn't realize how much I would want the other person to be happy. Which leads me to my next point. I know that if and when he leaves, I will be truly sad. I know that next year, especially the beginning, will be very difficult without him here. The first thing I want to do sometimes when I get home, is call him. I knwo that I won't be able to just pick up the phone and call, or hang out whenever we feel like. But, I also know that he will be happy, which is all that I want for him. I want him to see things and do things that he has always wanted to do. I don't want him to feel tied down to Honduras, just because I came along. I know that he will always be a part of my life and that makes me happy.
Who knows where him and I will end up. I keep hoping that we will hear back from other places, so that we can stay together. But, I really don't think that the odds are in my favour this time around. No matter what happens, I will take this experience with him as blessing. I now know that when the right kind of person comes along, I will actually keep them around and not just find ways to get out of it. Not everything is because of him though. I feel like I changed a person when I got out here. Once I became truly happy and content with my own life, I was able to give myself without question to someone else. Something which I never thought I would be able to do. Now that I have, I am very proud of myself. Instead of hiding behind reasons why I shouldn't take a chance on someone, I actually took a chance. It paid off. Even if in the end he leaves, I will still be a better person for knowing him and letting him see who I really am. He is an incredible person, capable of doing anything he wants. I was lucky to get to know him and wherever he goes, they will be lucky to have him there. He is a great person and an even better friend. The world could use a few more like him, that's for sure.
Sometimes it's hard here. There's days where I really wish I could just pick up the phone and talk to my friends and family about things going on here. But, unfortunately, it's hard for them to completely understand what I am going through here. They don't know the place and they don't know the people I am talking about. Of course I tell the girls here a few things about the Doniel situation, but that too is hard. We are all friends and some things you just can't say, or don't want to say. Now that I have gotten all of that of my chest, I am sure that my next blog will be more uplifting. Hopefully, it will include pictures of Cayos Cachinos and the crazy wild stories that took place that weekend!
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swills82
Sarah Willett
A friend once told me...
"To those who lived it, no explanation is needed. To those who did not, no explanation will ever be enough." Cherish these last few weeks Janet. Breathe in every moment, taking nothing for granted. Good luck with the next couple of weeks :)