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Published: August 9th 2007
Finally dragging Kym away from Hoi An we got on ... suprise, suprise, another bus this time to Mui Ne. Over the past few months spent hiking and sight seeing the thought of a beach has always been on the back of our mind. Not to say everything else weve done hasn't been entertaining, its just that when its 35 degrees everyday you never want to be too far away from a beer and some water. We're obviously waiting for the water. From the second we step foot off the bus and for the first time in almost a month it begins to rain like nobodys business. Streets are flooded within minutes, restaurants are sweeping water out of their dining rooms and any hope of actually swimming has been washed away. Kind of like back home when in the peak of summer you even mention washing your car, having a bbq or hanging the washing out and you can be assured its going to piss down. On the optimistic side it seems the gods are telling us to simply be happy with the beer so how can we argue with that.
Had Mui Ne not been so wet it would probably
have been pretty enjoyable. Instead it was as boring as 'Talking Footy'. The sole highlight came from Sand Duning. From our hostel we once again hired scooters with our partners in crime, Neil and Hannah and cruised down to the ingeniously named White Sand Dunes. From here once you've climbed these enormous sand dunes in the middle of no where youre handed flat boards to surf down the dunes with. It was all fun and games until you get to the bottom and realise the sand castle youve managed to build in the back of the throat is going to have to stay there until you climb all the way back over the dunes and get to some water. Didnt stop any of us going down 3 more times. The ride back to the hostel was once against stopped by the mother of all downfalls until we decided rather than wait it out we were going to just take the rain on. The rain was fat enough to cause bleeding and it came down at such a pace that it took 3 days for our clothes to dry. Good fun though. The highlight was the empty road that we had
to ourselves for almost 10kms and then Kym losing the sunglasses off the top of her head only to watch the first vehicle we'd seen in 20 minutes come over the hill and somehow mange to run over them. God damn you Murphy.
After 3 days of rain we got out of Mui Ne and unbelievably took the last bus of our trip. The buses semed to get worse and worse the further south of Vietnam we got so we were pretty thankful for this to be the finale. Arriving back in Ho Chi Minh was like waking from a nightmare to see your in bed with Julian Clary. From bad to worse. With our job prospects having presented themselves we are aware that our trip is nearing an end so we decide to rockstar it up and splash out on a hotel for the next few nights. Unfortunately for us the hotel that we chose only had the 'premium' suites avaliable on our check in so we begrudgingly accept.
On rising the next day we do what any tourist with 3 days left on their holiday does. We go to the waterpark. The waterpark itself was as big as
i've ever seen them and the rides were pretty full on. I swore that on one funnel style ride, that I'd shattered my elbow twice and upon hitting the end of the 'drop of death' Kym explained at the top of her voice to the crowd that she'd 'ripped apart her asshole'. She apparently didn't read the fine print pertaining to the free enema. It suddenly dawned on us that were not 7 years old anymore despite the fact that im wearing my nicest Tom Of The Tank Engine Speedoes and Kyms size 6 Barbie two piece is clearly passed its used by date.
The ride back from the theme park was even more of an adventure. Trying to get a taxi who doesnt overcharge you by 3 times the amount is a challenge in itself so we decide it might be easier to get motorbikes. The first guy we spoke to quoted us 10 dollars and we laughed him off and kept walking. The plan was to go to KFC on the way home for a cheeky Colonel Burger and then head back to the hotel for a nanna nap. After walking down the street a few more blocks
the 10 dollar motoman reappears this time quoting us 1 dollar. Bargain. Another one arives and we each have one for a dollar to take us home. The 10 dollar guy ussures Kym to get on the back of his but I had a bad feeling about him so I send Kym to the opposite bike and I get on the back of his. I should have perhaps gotten off straight away when he tried to get me to put my hands around his waist near his crotch but hey i've been sexually abused for less than a dollar before! 2 minutes later Kyms moto crossed though incoming traffic in a diferent direction to where he was going and it all turned to shit. After breaking the Guiness book of record for saying 'Doh Mai' (Fuck you) the most times in a minute he was off to get him. Now moto drivers at the best of times don't obey the road rules but this guy was through red lights, in front of oncoming trucks and even on the footpath driving right by KFC! I guess nuggets are out of the question. After trying to converse with him it became clear
that english wasnt even his 6th language and I had better chances geting a conversatioin out of his horn which bizzarely played 'Happy Birthday'. At this stage the two motos were side by side and my driver managed again to break his previous Guiness record as he drives off in front of him looking back throwing in a few extra Doh mais for good measure. At this stage I look ahead to see a moto trying to turn in to a side street but stuck in the middle of the road directly ahead from us. I knew what was coming. 3 Doh Mai's later and with a second to spare he turns around and breaks slowing down the impact but still smashing into the other bike. Suddenly the Doh Mais are dirceted in a different direction. Not suprisingly no numbers or insurance details are exchanged and they both just drive off. Suddenly my 1 dollar trip is becoming a 7 dollar trip as the driver points to his damaged moto and tries to tell me in Vietnamesse that its going on my tab. God love these people. Needless to say he only gets his dollar and I somehow arrive back
in one piece.
Our last day in Nam was spent souvenier and gift shopping for the families back home. Knowing Vietnam has some of the worlds best coffee, for all you espresso heads in Oz we thought we'd sort you out with a few bags of Vietnam's finest. I went down to the Ben Thanh market and into the coffee shop (not the amsterdam type) for a bit of a geeze. The walls were adorned with more coffee than i knew existed and i was left scratching my head at what was what. Seeing my confusion two ladies in the shop who were doing a bit of a taste test offered me to try one that they were sampling. Now I don't normally go sipping from other peoples cups if we can all forget the 'Scotch incident' for a minute but for some reason i felt compelled. "Why do they call it Weasel" I ask as I take a mouthful to which she replies "It's a Vietnamesse delicacy, the beens are all passed through the intestines (and subsequently the ass) of a Weasel. Hmmmm I think i'll take the green tea
So as this chapter closes another one begins. To
all of you that we have had the pleasure of travelling with, thanks for making this all we had hoped for and more. Without you this whole adventure would have just been walking, looking at shit and bus rides. Instead it was laughter, good times, cards, beers and boobs. Ok there werent any boobs but maybe next time. A few quick shout outs
Mikael and Anje. You made a few days waiting to get a hug with Orang Utans worthwhile
The Kampot kids at Melay Chandas 4wd of doom. What a day. Its amazing what 2 slabs of Asahi will help you forget
Chris and Clare. We miss you guys. Its a shame we didnt get the chance to travel more together. Im sure you guys are going to coninue with the crazy stories so make sure we get the add on facebook.
The Ratanakirri Ratbags. What a laugh. The funniest trekking to date. Whenever we are dying of thirst or recovering from leech bites, we'll think of you little Mut Muts. Where are you all now?
Team Gang Bang. Never before have I had the pleasure to travel with such a lovely herem of women. You guys are awesome.
Its a shame we didnt make it to Thailand for the full moon party with you. You'll just have to come and visit us! Shoot us an email when you get time
Meike. Put some clothes on! 😊
Gibbon Xers. Thanks for making 3 days in a bee infested treehouse a never forgetable experience
Team Sangria. Oh my dear team sangria. If only we were stranded at sea for an extra week with a lost captain, a murdered tour guide and a few extra jugs of sangria. We would have never left. For those of you that did the swim, we will always have the Spicegirls! Good times
Neil and Hannah. God love you crazy bastards. Move to Hong Kong already. I promise you theres this great little bar with a pool table and beef carpaccio. You'll love it. Enjoy the rest of your travels and thanks for making Vietnam actually enjoyable haha.
To everyone else who didnt get a mention, we'll you were obvoiusly shithouse. No just kidding.
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Pat and Mike
non-member comment
Down South
Hi you pair, glad you have had such a great time we will be looking forward to catching up with you both Kym if you ever change your mind about a Traditional wedding the one your mum and I went to in the Hills called Poets Lane was just brilliant and they servce sticky date pudding as well. You must have heard about the new addition to Beth and Adrian's house haven't seen him or her yet I think its a her but mother is baby sitting so she is getting into practice as a grandmother just kidding. By the way we have a new addition in our house, a little staffie, she is two years old, well trained well mannered, desexed loves kids travels well in a car, so if we decide to go and do some more travelling she will come to. We picked her up from Colestream Annimal Shelter. Well duckies loved reading your letters so thought I would write some crapicus stuff back, not that I mean yours was crapicus, not sure of spelling either, anyway take care look forward to seeing you both soon love Pat and Mike. xxxx