Day 3 of Meru- Summit Day!

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aka worst day of my life...
Not an exaggeration. I choose root canals over today.
So we had breakfast consisting of 1 minimuffin at 1230 am and got started at 1 am. We started out all layered up, but quickly got wet and sweaty, so we shedded layers quickly. Did I mention its pitch black at 1 am? Whoever thought mountain climbing in the dark was a good idea was an effing moron. (PS the reason they do that is so that you get to the summit in time to see the sunrise over Kili). Already I'm not having the greatest time. But then we emerge from forest area into the rocky part of the mountains. Holy freezing.
So now we're soaking wet and its windy as all shit. So we pile the layers back on. There's no winning because regardless, you're wet and sweating still. Vincent and I concur that it was between -5 and 0 degrees C. It was awful. It might sound like an exaggeration, but I was seriously concerned for hypothermia between the wet and the wind and the hours upon hours of it. I was having a REALLY hard time. Exhaustion and lack of food didn't help. I vaguely remember the guide and assistant guide on either side of me carry me because I didn't have the strength to climb sinking in the ash. I was shivering and crying and just generally miserable. They kept telling me to wait for the sun, that it would be better...It was only 530...sunrise is at 630.
Somehow I made it to the crest as the sun was rising. I was perfectly content staying there and letting Vincent go to the summit. He left and I told the guide I wanted to stay. But the guide kept pulling my arm and saying lets go! Just around the corner! Only 20 minutes and you can take pics! I kept saying that I was done, but he kept at it. Finally, I went and then it was so far and I was so mad. It was more than 2 more hours and I never even made it to the summit. It was just too far and steep and I was physically and mentally done. I got to just below the summit, but in order to get all the way up, you have to go up a very steep part and I didn't even want to try...I had already been going for 9 hours. So we took some pictures and headed back down maybe around 10ish.
Down was not good. There were times where I could barely stand and the only way to get down was to climb up a pretty steep rock wall. I was weak and hungry and physically exhausted. I was so scared. There were times I would collapse on a flat part gasping for air and crying. This went on for hours and hours. I was hysterical. There were times I really didn't know if I could keep going. I was dizzy and my legs were shaky. After a really bad climb and cry I passed out for a few seconds. It was so scary. One part consisted of a rock pile at about 45 degree angle that basically went straight down on either side. This was probably 12 hours into the day and I still haven't eat anything. I felt on the verge of passing out again. I was terrified. This kind of thing normally wouldn't bother me at all, but all I could think about was getting dizzy and my legs giving out and falling. I was completely frozen in terror at the bottom of this part, crying and hyperventilating and refusing. I don't think there's anything that I've had that kind of reaction to- I'm just not a very scared person- thats how bad it was. I think some of the worst is that you see what you were climbing in pitch blackness on the way up. I don't think I'll ever really be able to really make a person be able to understand what it was like up there, but there were times when I genuinely didn't think I would make it off that rock.
So....
Did I summit? No
Did I make it really damn close? yes
Do I think it was worth it? Not really
Am I glad that I at least got amazing pics out of it? I guess so
Will I ever climb a mountain again? Hell no.
Its not really even how strenuous it was either. Even the relatively easy first 2 days I just didn't think were fun. You're just walking and walking...and not really talking or anything because you're busy concentrating and stuff. Its cold at camp and there's no way to get warm (no fire) and there aren't showers and you get really dirty and there aren't toilets and the holes in the ground they do have smell really bad (I opted for the bushed because of that fact) and then you have to wake up in the middle of the night and then you think you're gonna die. These are all things I don't generally put in the category of fun things to do. I will stick to water-related activities and camping with a fire.
But anyway...
Obviously, I made it down the fucking mountain. It was awful. There was a point where we could see Saddle Camp and it was so far away. We had already been going for sooo long, I didn't think it was possible how far it still was. Bring on another bout of hysterics. It should have taken 10 hours to go all the way up and then back down to Mriakambu...it took me 13 to not reach the summit and get back to Saddle Hut. Don't forget about only the minimuffin for breakfast...another part of the problem. We were supposed to get down to Mriakambu, but when we got back to Saddle, i told Hilary (our guide) that there was no way this was happening. (he had made a comment while I was coming down that I needed to hurry because I'd only have a few minutes to rest before having to leave Saddle Camp). He went and talked to the Ranger, who talked to Vincent and told him we could rest for a half hour, but then we had to leave because they were booked and all our food was at Mriakambo. I was pissed (probably why they told Vincent and not me). So when it was time for us to start packing up, the guide came and got Vincent to talk to the ranger again. I guess they figured it out and we were able to stay. There was enough food of other people's that we got dinner and we were just going to have a small breakfast there in the morning and then leave early and have a real breakfast once we got back down to Mriakamba. Happy Nicky.
I basically stayed in bed the rest of the night and just got up for dinner.
I am so glad this day is over and that I came down in one piece. Not more mountains for me.

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