Egypt... I FREAKING MADE IT!!!

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Welcome back! It has been a while, I do have one of these in the making about Jordan and what I've been up to in Edinburgh but its trapped in stupid broken Henry the HP laptop and I'll be assed if I’m writing it again! So watch this space!

I hope you've got your cuppa full and snacks handy - fulfillment of a dream has led me to be a little self indulgent and this got a little long... Hopefully you enjoy nonetheless 😊

This new adventure takes us to... Dum da da daaahhh Egypt! Land of the Pharos and Pyramids and River Nile!

My story starts quite similarly to my others; with epic travel agent failure.

My flight to Cairo is booked from London as it was saving me a small fortune to do this than fly from Edinburgh, all I needed to do was get myself a cheap flight down there. Simple! Right?

This is back in May; I have plenty of time to organize it... then two weeks before I'm due to depart it dawns on me... I've done absolutely sweet fuck all to get myself down to the motherland!!! To the Internet I go and frantically search every airline, every airport and every train line until it dawns on me like a shadow of darkness across my soul... I can only afford the bus... do we remember me talking about the bus? If not here is a refresher: It is a nine hour winding, smelly, hot and cramped journey of sadness where dreams and happiness go to die. Oh and it gets better, it's an overnight bus as well, so lets chuck in some sleep deprivation and extra crankiness for good measure!

But it's going to save me almost £100, so I put aside the last remaining skerrik of pride and self-respect I have... and enter in my debit card number...

Testing a lovely new relationship I’m joined by Dan, who I’ve met in Edinburgh, brave move on his part as he may witness the monster I can quickly become… One hour in to the journey I remember why I vowed to never do this ever again. The whole cast has shown up! Crying baby? Check! Douchebag with iPod on max volume so we can all hear their douchy play list? Check! Smelly guy? Check! Dude who talks way too loud on his mobile? Check! PLEASE remind me next time I try and book a long bus somewhere how terrible they are? My cheapskate ass will probably ignore you but please, at least try! 😊

But we survive and have a few hours to kill before I have to head to Heathrow. Somehow Dan manages to keep me sane as my emotions range from terrified about what could go wrong, to overwhelmed and excited about going to the place I've been dreaming of my whole life.

Now when I say this I'm not exaggerating. My dad informed recently that I have been talking about doing this since I was five years old. The fact that I have traveled to so many parts of the world and still not gone there is baffling and the thought that I am finally going sends me a... well a little crazy! Every time I start to think of the gravity of what is about to happen I literally get overwhelmed to the point of tears! Happy tears or course but I just can't contain myself. Then I'm back to the other end of the scale, similar to my initial fears that my passport would be denied upon entering the UK over a year ago - only this was ten times worse. I'd spent half the previous day going over my documents convinced the dates were wrong, I'd forgotten to ticket my flights. Now I'm thinking what if they don't grant me a visa? What if there is something wrong with my passport? What if there is an attack? Over and over it went in my head. I'm usually such a casual traveler assuming my passport is in my bag and if I've forgotten anything I'll buy it when I arrive... this time I'm a total lunatic making a crack head with OCD at a crooked picture frame convention look quite normal!

Eventually excitement wins over fear (or delirium has set in from not having slept in about 27 hours) and I bounce off to the airport with my 'happy' play list cranking, Hulio the backpack cheerfully strapped to me and the stupidest, widest, cheesiest grin slapped across my face.

Location - Heathrow Airport

Stage One - Check in

Egypt Air employee comments that I'm the happiest person she has checked in all day. Takes bag, hands over boarding pass, returns giant grin and wishes me a safe journey.

Outcome - win!

Stage Two - Security

Line is a little long. Get my goods in order moving my 'non threatening because the are teeny' liquids into the clear bag and join the queue... wait a little longer... a little longer... sleepiness and delirium threaten again to the point I actually reach out to bat the tassel hanging off the lady's bag in front of me... stop self in time... clear security incident free.

Outcome - close call... but ultimate win!

Stage Three – The Waiting Game

Feeling like a Yeti after the amazing bus ride I brush my teeth, wash my face and proceed to utilize the duty free department to reapply moisturizer, make up and perfume.

* Budget traveler tip #438 - duty free is there for your tight assed convenience, not to try before you buy!

Outcome - some glares from the duty free staff but newfound freshness = win!

Stage four - Boarding

Last chance for Egypt Air to realize their mistake, deny me boarding, kick me in the face then blow up my luggage for good measure... I board, take my seat, find a working seat back TV and that the engines aren't cello taped on like my work colleagues threatened.

Outcome - WIN! Egypt here I come!!!

Any fears I had about arriving in Egypt by myself were made redundant as I leave the gate to find the Intrepid tour rep waiting for me! He organizes my visa, helps me skip the line for immigration, collect my bag and pops me into the private transfer to the hotel where Loz is waiting for me!

Loz is one of my Budget Backpackers family members who is currently living a freaking awesome gypsy lifestyle in a tiny village called Berat in Albania. We'd not seen each in a few months and despite the fact that I'd now been awake for 38 hours we had a lot to catch up on and ended up chatting until the wee hours.

Cairo… we have arrived…

I must say I was definitely surprised not to see the Pyramids straight away. I had this image that the pyramids were right in the middle towering over everything and the city kind of sprawls around it but Cairo and Giza are quite far apart. I was itching to see them but we had one full day to entertain ourselves before the tour started and my dream buildings were revealed to me.

We decide to head out by taxi to Old Cairo to look around. The staff at hotel were unbelievable, they were so protective of us treating us like their daughters. They made sure we knew where was safe to go, who to talk to where not to shop. They made us feel so safe and welcome!

Heading out we discovered that Egyptian drivers are... Hmmmm what is the term? Oh yeah, freaking insane!!! Or genius I'm not really sure. If there are set road rules in Egypt they are so cryptic even Robert Langdon couldn't crack them, but I think it goes a little something like this:

1) Enter road at speed without looking or stopping for oncoming traffic

2) Place hand on horn, leave there until destination is reached*

3) Road markings are for decorative purposes only; fill ANY gap in traffic leaving a minimum 1mm gap between cars

4) Stopping vehicle to let passenger’s in/out/just to have a chat is not restricted to the side of the road. Anywhere is fine.

* exclusion: hand may only leave horn to flick high beams in order to show; disapproval, approval, thanks, requests to move aside or just because you think flashing lights are pretty.

Oh and just to make this more interesting the road is occasionally shared by horses and donkeys pulling carts and constantly shared by suicidal pedestrians who weave and dance between the traffic at any place they feel like.

We meet up with our group that afternoon. There is only one other couple on our tour, Carly and Mark from Adelaide. Our tour guide is Hassan, an Egyptian who grew up in Luxor. He informs us during the tour that his hide and seek playing grounds as a child were 4000 year old temples... I'm not jealous in the slightest...

We head into town to learn about the amazing and hectic city we are in. Cairo is a very over populated which is growing by one million people every nine months! We visit a mosque and learn a little about their religion. They are Islamic country and have to pray five times a day (damn that’s commitment! Wait, can I say damn while referring to prayer? Ahhh to hell with it I'm screwed anyway!) The cultural differences are fascinating but I can't help getting irritated when reminded of women's social standing here. He tells us women have to pray separately to men and aren't permitted to pray during their menstrual cycle... a little prayer of my own goes up for living in a liberal country. We check out some markets before heading back for an early night... we have a busy day tomorrow... 😊

I can't sleep. I've been waiting for this moment for so long I'm worse than a kid at Christmas. My alarm is set for 6:30am with the message 'Wake up, Emmy! It's the best day of your life!' - but I'm up at six irritating the crap out of Loz.

I buzz through breakfast, I feel I'm rushing everyone, I explain to them how important this is to me and they can't help but give me a hard time every time my eyes start to tear up in excitement.

It feels like the longest drive ever... we drive and drive... I'm glued to the windows and all of a sudden I gasp so loud terrifying poor Lauren who cries 'What? Where? Huh?'

I can only point behind her with the other hand over my gaping mouth as there they are, off in the distance, disappearing and reappearing between houses... the oldest and only remaining ancient wonder of the word... The Pyramids of Giza.

Hassan says we can go inside but it's an extra cost - I've said yes before he can even finish the sentence. I can't believe it, by the end of the day I will have been INSIDE the great pyramid. When we arrive I don't even pause to take pictures. I rush up to the side and put my hand on one of the giant stones. I'm actually touching it. I'm so happy.

We climb up the side to the entrance and inside the passage. It's 1x1 meter and steep. I'm doing a damn good job of ignoring my claustrophobia by keeping my head down - nothing is stopping me from doing this. Once we reach the galleries it opens up and I take the chance to look around. There aren't any hieroglyphics or carvings on the walls. They have either been destroyed or taken to museums for preservation. I'm not disappointed it is so surreal I'm just concentrating on breathing. We finally enter the tomb. It's a small echoey room. The walls are so smooth and perfect. I run my hands over the stone, overwhelmed and so happy, I let myself have a little cry here.

That done it was time for the famous pictures and what is a trip to the pyramids without a camel ride?!

Next stop is the Sphinx (now affectionately known as 'My little Sphinxy) for some more pictures and stories. Here comes an awkward moment in Loz and my friendship. A man comes over to try and sell us post cards. We say no thank you. I have a little chat with him but Lauren is doing her best to ignore him, as we've been told to so he will go away. He starts discussing what I think my retail worth is in livestock and I’m joking along. He's still trying to involve Loz who is half listening, half ignoring... and she accidentally offers to sell me to him for five chickens. Thanks Loz, you are a gem!

Now we all know who King Tutankhamen is. He didn't really do much (... well, apart from being the king...) he is more so famous because his is the only tomb found completely intact at the Valley of the Kings. The whole thing is preserved at the Egyptian Museum, where I could have spent a week! I was actually staring at the canopic jars where his organs remain! It was amazing!

They have the mummies on display here and just really goes to show how sophisticated their preservation technique was. You could see the colour of their hair, if their fingernails were well manicured and my favorite mummy was there (no not Mamma Christopher) King Ramses II! Woop woop! Yeah I saw him, no biggie...

They also described the mummification process for animals... enemas to liquefy their insides while a makeshift tampon was jammed up their ass... what was I saying about sophistication?!? Ouch...

This evening was a few firsts for me! My passion for travel not only encourages me to visit as many places physically possible in my lifetime, but also to travel by every means on transportation... this brings me to a sleeper train! Loved it! Rocked me to sleep like a little baby. Oh, the other first? Well, as the train station is used by locals it was encouraged that we covered up - so it was one of the first time I’d felt modesty 😉 I was quite happy to be wearing Primark’s answer to a hijab as even discretion didn’t hide our presence and lets just say - there was no shortage of potential Egyptian boyfriends! The public trains were something to be seen with people hanging off the sides, climbing through the windows and chasing after it frantically jumping on as it pulled out of the station. Quite an experience!

The train takes us to Aswan, a beautiful town right on the Nile. We relax a bit more here as it really does get to hot to do much during the day and our hotel has a swimming pool... If there is one thing we take for granted in Australia then it is the abundance of swimming pools. I exercise my right to do very little and spend most the day floating around in aquatic bliss. Hey we did some cultural stuff too, ok? Tried Koshary, a delicious local dish, headed to a Nubian Village and drank coffee with the locals, cruised along the Nile drinking beer and watching the stars come out…. Pretty sweet.

Another reason for taking is easy is we had a very early morning the next day… to get to Abu Simbel! The name probably doesn’t ring any bells but the image sure would. It’s a temple … wait for it… three hour drive away and for safety reasons you need to go in a convoy. So off we go and the drive wasn’t so bad, got to see the sun rise and quite honestly, the site was so unbelievable I would have walked days to get there… no, I can’t back that up I’d freaking die in the desert! We spent a few hours here and I almost get my iPhone taken off me for taking some sneaky pictures inside the temple… luckily you really can buy anything in Egypt.

The rest of the day is pretty chilled out with some more swimming, a lovely dinner, some shisha, shopping and early night…

… then at three o clock in the morning my body kindly reminds me that I am in a country that it's not used to and I can't simply eat anything that I want to. The next four agonizing hours are spent on my hands and knees praying to the porcelain god. Ahhhh yes, nothing reduces you to a five year old more quickly than food poisoning! Lying on the bathroom floor, curled up in the fetal position, sweat pouring off me I whimpered wishing for my mum with her soothing words and collection of magical motherly potions that immediately relieve even the most dire of illnesses.

Morning eventually arrives and I'm lying in bed wishing for death to come and swiftly take me away, instead came the dear Lauren with the magical mum potions and manages to get me into a decent enough state to get out of bed and spend the next 24 hours on... a traditional felucca.

Now this experience I had been eagerly anticipating since I booked this trip and was the whole reason I chose this particular trip… imagine… sailing down the Nile, sleeping under the stars and getting back to nature... as the feluccas have No Toilet Facilities. At this moment this seems like the worst possible place to be and the stupidest freaking thing I could do. I'm trying to be positive saying ‘At least it's not a walk around day, I get to relax’, but honestly all I want to do is crawl back to a bed that is only one meter away from the blessed loo!

We board the felucca and I promptly pass out from the amount of Imodium and anti nausea tablets I'd consumed in the attempt to stop my body rejecting all but my internal organs. Hours pass, I sleep through lunch, I’m feeling better but just can't keep my eyes open until Hassan says - who would like to swim in the Nile? I'm sorry did someone just mention one of the major things on my ever-increasing life list? I sit up, shake off the foggy drug induced cloud I'm in and throw myself over the side of the boat 😊

The effect is immediate as the cold water slaps me awake. I can't believe I'm finally swimming in the Nile! Loz and I regress to children chasing each other around and hanging off the boat, the boat driver sneaks underneath scaring the shit out of us (not literally in my case). It's just what I need, and while I'm still not 100% it's been enough to let me enjoy the rest of the day 😊

We dry off on the front of the boat and lay there for hours, sometimes chatting, sometimes silent, stare at the beautiful scenery and just take in where we are and what we are doing.

I manage to stomach some dinner, which I was pretty happy about, as these Egyptians know how to cook! They made about seven different dishes in one metal bowl, over a tiny little heat source in a 1x1 meter preparation area on the felucca - needless to say I’m a little intimidated by their cooking skills... will I do anything to improve upon this? I will not.

I got pretty sleepy again after dinner so decided to leave the others to the shisha and find a comfy spot by myself to lie and watch the stars. Words cannot describe how I felt at this moment, so calm and happy inside, peaceful and content. I drifted off at some point and it was possibly one of the best sleeps I've ever had in my life.

When I open my eyes the next morning I’m looking straight across the Nile to the horizon. That very moment the sun peaks over the edge. The water is flat and I can see fish jumping. Everyone has woken but no one says a thing, we all just watch the sun rise in silence. It was absolute perfection.

After a little while we all start to get up and Loz leads the way by jumping straight into the river 😊 what a way to start the day! We have pancakes on board and sail to the pick up point for our next destination - Luxor!

The drive down is pretty entertaining. As always I'm torn between the hilarity of their road etiquette (or lack thereof) and the fear that this is in fact the day I'm going to die. As we get further inland into the rural areas we seem to be sharing the road with more livestock than cars - this doesn't seem to slow the driver down at any point and I'm pretty sure we almost had a head on with a donkey. We also caught two camels hitching a ride in the back of a ute, I'm not even kidding.

The roads are lined with mud brick huts giving it a traditional feel - well if you overlook the giant satellite dishes perched on the roofs and hundreds of power cables looping in you could almost picture yourself in ancient times 😊

Soapbox moment - skip this paragraph if you don’t have a soul, hate puppies and Christmas 😊

The tour company we are with, Intrepid, believe in 'responsible tourism', supporting the locals and their communities. One of the projects they support here is CEA - Care of Egyptian Animals. As you may imagine there aren't the same protection groups for animal rights here that we have back home and the farmers are not wealthy people. The lack of education about animal treatment combined with poverty lead to terrible working environments for their animals and they are often sick and injured. CEA run a vet clinic to not only help these animals but also educate every school child how to treat their animals humanely in the hope that future generations can reduce the mistreatment, they are already noticing a difference. This is a free service as if they have to start charging then people wouldn't take their animals in anymore. We saw the work they are doing and it's amazing. If you would like to donate visit

http://www.intrepidtravel.com/au/about-intrepid/intrepid-foundation Intrepid will double every pound you donate.

Aaaaaaaaand we’re back!

To Karnak! Just when you think I may be getting 'out templed' (yes another new phrase - as always - roll with it!) another site blows me away!

This is the largest temple in the world, well is actually a collection of temples but we'll let them have it. The oldest one there was built 2000BC! Yup I tripped over a 4000-year-old building!

It was amazing entering the complex; each side of the forum is flanked by these giant statues of Ramses II (woot woot we <3 Ramses II!!)

I still find myself catching my breath when I see the 'traditional' statues and realise I'm here. We walk into one tomb and some of the carvings still have their paint in them, you know like you see in the history books! Most the sites either the hieroglyphics have been moved to a museum or destroyed by age and theft. The detail and preservation at this site literally have me catching flies, it's so amazing and real it looks fake. Actually I'm pretty convinced at this point it never actually existed this is just a genius ploy by Disney.

The heat starts to get to us and we all get a bit loopy/borderline hysterical. This is quite amusing to us but the fact we actually managed to scare off the people trying to sell stuff is an indication of our state. We decided to skip the markets, head to air-conditioned goodness and sleep.

Early mornings are a thing of necessity this time of year for us poor sun deprived tourists! As the mercury soars over 40 degrees Hassan has to keep waking us at the crack of dawn so we can enjoy the sites without dying of heatstroke... that's not to say the day didn't start with a near death experience!

Today's adventure takes us to the Valley of the Kings! 50 plus tombs of the ancient Egyptian Kings are at this site - it’s where they found King Tutankhamen’s tomb fully intact only 90 years ago. It's not here that the almost fatal accident happens... ok it was more a possible bruise and graze situation but put two girls as overly dramatic as Loz and I together for a week and everything becomes life and death. So back to my near death experience! Donkeys don't seem to like me. I don't know why. I like them! They are cute and look sad and I pat them and it wasn't my idea to ride them to the Valley of the Kings it was part of the tour! It wasn't my fault my donkey decided to nom away on the crops at the side of the road when I was on him and it certainly wasn't my fault the man yelled at him! Let's just say I've never been more thankful for the guy standing behind me, catching me when the donkey took off leaving me mid air cartoon style... maybe he was just sick of all the Shrek quotes...

Safely (ha!) back on Mr. Donkey Mc Cranky Pants (yes that was his name for the rest of the ride) we trot on towards the valley as I accuse Mc Cranky of binge eating and being a fatty and whip out any kind of ass joke that springs to mind. We eventually come to an understanding that he is to stay away from the crops and to try and avoid killing me for the rest of the trek and I will be nice. This done we seem to enjoy the rest of out time together, we both arrive intact.

The Valley of the Kings!

We aren't allowed to take pictures in here which makes me a little sad as the images are unbelievable. The fact the paint has stayed on for this long is just mind-boggling - take that Dulux weather shield!

The Kings start building their tombs when they come into power so the bigger the tomb, the longer they reigned for. The biggest is Ramses II (wooo!!) but we can't go in there, something about preserving history blah blah... the ones we did get to see were amazing though. They chose the valley for the tombs because they would be naturally hidden. Only the entrance can be seen, the rest of the tombs are dug into the mountain and down. They believed that the sun went underground every night so by building their tombs there they would have the sun in the afterlife.

The detail is so good we discover we actually retained some of the information Hassan has told us and we can start figuring out what some of the cartouches and hieroglyphics mean! Yeah bitches we can read ancient Egyptian! Woo!

After this we visit a local Egyptian family and have lunch with them. With them I mean the father, the wife and children are all out of site... I know, I know this is not a western country and when in Rome and all that jazz but damn it's hard not getting bristly when this happens! I would love to speak with all of them and hear their stories! The children come out after usually and they are too cute. They are so focused on improving their English they would talk to you about anything. The little girls especially seem fascinated with us. They speak a lot about the revolution last year, why it happened and how terrible the government is. Again I can't help but feel so grateful for being able to one day return to a country that is so free, yeah our politicians are dodgy assholes like them all but hearing the problems the Egyptians have it makes ours seem so petty!

Without much time before we head back to Cairo we get our shopping done and try and cram all our new possessions into our protesting backpacks… sorry Hulio. At the hotel homesickness slams into me as what do I hear on the radio? “Hellooooo! Frank Walter from National Tiles….” Yeah they were streaming the radio from Australia for us and that old commercial made me miss my Melbournians!

We have one free night to do anything we may have missed out on. Loz, Carly and I decide to head out to the Pyramids one time to see the Sound and Light Show. Its at this point we realize that you really do need a tour guide in Egypt. Not only did we get stopped several times on the way by people trying to get us into their shops, but we also managed to find the only taxi driver in Cairo who didn’t know where the freaking pyramids were! But we finally got there and the show… well, the term ‘so bad it was funny’ doesn’t even start to cut it. I think the highlight of the show was when a random car drove between the pyramids with disco lights flashing. We had a damn good laugh though!

We met a couple at the show and did a very good job of confusing them with this little gem, which I just have to relay:

Mark- So where do you guys live?

Me - Scotland

Loz - Albania

Carly - Adelaide

Mark – Oh cool... so are you going back there after this?

Us - no...

Me - I'm going to Munich

Loz - I'm going to Dahab

Carly - in going to Turkey

Mark - ...right….

Love my life, love my friends 😊

We finished the night on the rooftop bar (surprise, surprise) looking over the city. A beautiful cool breeze was blowing, we smoked shisha, chatted and just enjoyed the night. It was a perfect way to end the most perfect trip.



Egypt was absolutely everything I could have hoped for and more. If you do get a chance – go! It is safe, the people are amazing, they need tourists and seeing the things you’ll see, there just isn’t a replacement for it! I am happy beyond words that I have experienced this. It really was a dream come true.

That’s it peeps! Thanks for sticking in there. Hope you enjoyed, will try and get Jordan up soon and coming up next… BUDAPEST!

Peace out!

Emmy xox

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