… where the hell am I now? Oh yeah Scotland… right!

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December 5^th, 2011

Greetings all! Hope you are all getting into the festive spirit that is December, I sure as hell know I have! But more on that later (: I can’t believe it has been over the three month since I departed Australia, almost four!! Sometimes it feels like I have been doing this for ever, the other part feels like I just left!

First of all, can we all please congratulate Hulio on losing 3kg? I know! Good little fella, much easier to carry now (:

So I’ve been a wee bit lazy on this front not been keeping notes on shenanigans so we are going to have to do this from memory… oh dear… regretting many… many… MANY nights at the pub now… yikes… memories may get a little jumbled… so if my stories suddenly dissolve into what sounds like a fantasy involving George Clooney, Hugh Jackman and Pitbull (with his sunglasses on of course) please forgive me… and Dad… just skip those parts (:

Where did we leave off? Ahh yes just returned from Milan to housesit for Phillary, was very much looking forward to a relax, I do enjoy my monthly relaxation stints there, probably saved me dying from sheer exhaustion as my 27 year old body tries to keep up with this 20 year old pace… I wonder how much longer I can get away with this…. The timing was probably good as, well, I have shared the good you can cop the bad too, homesickness beat the crap out of me worse than a crack head in Frankston beats a teenager for his Winnie Blues… I mean it really rolled me Ike Turner style, I was Naomi Campbells assistant, Russel Crows phone, the ear of Mike Tysons opponent – you get the point (: This came as a complete shock to me as I had been having such an awesome time why the hell was I sad??? The 15^th of November was rapidly approaching, this was the date on my return ticket to Aus, when I booked this I had absolutely no intention of using it; I just had to put a date down and this was the last date I could use… suddenly this was looking very, very tempting… so after trying to put on a brave face for a couple of days, I said bugger it, Skyped my dear mamma, sobbed my little heart out, as always she talked me around assuring me that this was a ‘perfectly normal & natural thing’, snapped me out of my self-indulgent funk (my words not hers) and sure enough a few days later it passed, had the return ticket cancelled, the map out and was in frantic booking mode again… thanks mamma (:

Now any of you have been travelling for an extended period of time, you can vouch for this, after a while… sightseeing gets boring! It sounds terrible and a very spoilt thing to say but it’s true! If I see one more cathedral, church, museum, national gallery or castle I think I may claw my eyes out! You could show me the skeletal remains of Jesus Christ right about now and I would say… meh! Actually… that would be kind of cool… but please no more stained glass windows!!!

I headed to Cambridge which was beautiful - had amazing buildings, fantastic history, the works… but in my frame of mind I could have been touring Moe… plus the sun sets at 4pm so with limited time to explore (my excuse and I’m sticking to it!) I would scurry back to my hostel, wrap up in a blanket and watch perfectly-legal-not-downloaded-illegitimately-at-all movies on Henry the HP laptop. Luckily I was sharing a dorm with Pitbull (complete with sunglasses), George Clooney and Hugh Ja… wait a minute… that isn’t right…

So after a few days of wandering around aimlessly in Cambridge looking at shoes (far more interesting than universities) I headed to… SCOTLAND!!! WOO!!! *Imagine me doing a little dance* I love Scotland, Scotland is my friend! One of the girls I met in Ireland, the infamous Bridget, lives in Edinburgh and ever so graciously invited me to stay with her before my tour started… a decision she and her liver has very much come to regret (: Given that we hadn’t seen each other in a while, only met for a week originally and this was in a group setting, I wasn’t sure how our reunion would go – as always I had absolutely nothing to worry about as she is just mental as I remembered her and only hours after meeting up; awkward drunk dancing videos were posted on the internet… I love this girl and her double dream hands!!! Wow that sounds so wrong it’s just not funny…. (: I have also stolen her friends too, Miss Lucy and Kirsten, a wicked little group of chickadees who have made sure to show me a damn good time Scotland Style… (:

After a weekend of responsibility and… umm… ok I’m running out of fake charities to pretend to support here, we got horrendously drunk and danced our asses off! Anyway after the weekend I started my 5 day Haggis tour of the Scottish Highlands! Yeah here is an idea! It’s getting fucking cold… let’s go further north! Lol (: Now I’m getting the hang of this making fast friends thing; rock up to tour meeting point, smile at everyone until someone smiles back, start a friendly light conversation “where are you from? How long have you been away for? First time away?” Yada yada… well this was about to change…

Standing out front enjoying a breath of fresh air in the form of Marlboro Lights, a ball of energy slams up beside me: “Hi I’m Clare, are you on the tour? Fuck I need a cigarette, its fucking freezing! How long till we leave, fuck I’m tired, thank fuck you smoke I hate being left out, where the fuck do we go to check in?...’ lol you get the picture (: So yeah made a friend! The group of this tour was split - the strange and introverted, to the drunken degenerates most of whom were already hung-over on the first day, no real in-between! Driving up to our first nights’ accommodation at Loch Ness (woo hoo!) we saw… I dunno a bunch of old things… I’ll load pictures soon… we got to Loch Ness after dark (of course it must have been after 1pm! – I don’t know why the sun even bothers rising anymore!) so I couldn’t see Nessie… but I know she was out there! First night of tour rules state that a big one must be had (these rules are real btw – like a binding contract) and it was a quiz night! Yeah sounds a little lame but incorporate shots, dirty dancing to Disney songs, fetching drinks with a blindfold and a skanky Scottish fashion parade it suddenly gets livelier! Unfortunately during the dirty dancing, me and another girl head-butted each other resulting in a mega lump for me and almost broken tooth for her… I said almost, she was fine (:

Needless to say the next day we were a wee bit fragile and had to be up early to… plant a tree… yeah Haggis Tours are trying to be responsible and environmentally friendly so every tour plants a tree in a place which will one day be known as Haggis Forrest, very lovely carbon friendly initiative… but I tell you what in my state I could NOT-GIVE-A-CRAP-ABOUT-PLANTING-TREES!!! I did get to run around threatening people with shovels though! We stopped at Inverness for lunch which is apparently statistically the most unattractive city in Scotland… harsh but fair! Not a particularly friendly bunch either! After waiting 40 mins for my meal after everyone else had got theirs (and trust me… I NEEDED my lasagne at this point!!!) I asked if it was coming and was yelled at! I think after complaining loudly about mice and questionable hair found in food to incoming patrons, it’s safe to say revenge was had (:

Then… castles… rocks… old stuff… Whisky Distillery!! Trust me this really helped not just with the epic hangover but the chill that had descended into my bones… it really works! (: That night we did a cultural show which is one of the things that still manages to capture my attention… sorry… what was I saying? (: A true old school Scotsman tells us about the history of Scotland, how they used to live in a tiny house with a billion family members and the livestock… kinda like modern day India (am I allowed to say that?) and they would only wash once a year (eeeewwwww!!!!) and wear the same clothes every single day… kinda like modern day backpackers! Got a weapon demonstration, learned how to fold a kilt then back to the hostel for some traditional music played on a piano accordion. You now I didn’t care much before for the piano accordion but when you actually watch them… dude it looks pretty freakin hard! And when a punk chick with a pink fringe is playing one it’s even more intriguing! (: We learned some traditional Scottish dances and had a great time attempting them, doing an absolutely shite job but it was so much fun we didn’t care (:

Highlight of the trip…. The HARRY POTTER BRIDGE OF DEATH!!! This bridge doesn’t feature in the movie, we did see the one that did though, no the HARRY POTTER BRIDGE OF DEATH (imagine said scarily in a thick Scottish accent) is located in the field they filmed the Tri-Wizard Tournament and is at the end of a really tricky hike. No joke they have quite a few signs warning of impending death should you do this hike (mamma maybe go put on the kettle now?) as after the movie was released people flocked to this place resulting in two tourists dying along this trail. After this happened the newspapers printed the story with the headline THE HARRY POTTER BRIDGE OF DEATH!!!! and it has been known as this since (: The trek wasn’t that hard and some of the scenery was just breathtaking! There were waterfalls running everywhere you actually had to walk through some to get past (mmmm this was fun in 5°C temps!) but was worth is at the end and I tell you what a dry pair of socks has never felt so damn good!

So last night of the tour we head off to a Céilidh for some traditional dancing! Now considering I have been away at this point for exactly 100 days and have been very, very active , it really was time for injury and what a fitting way to mark this anniversary! You don’t just watch the dancing you participate too. We’re having a ball, absolutely exhausted, sweating and laughing then halfway through one of the dances one of the lovely girls on the tour accidently jumps on my foot, it hurts like a bitch but even stubbing your toe hurts like a bitch so I don’t think much of it, sit out of the rest of the dances and hobble back to the hostel a little later on. It’s only when I try to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, forgetting, put my weight on it and drop like a sack of spuds that I realise something may be wrong. Daylight reveals a very swollen, very black…. little baby toe… happy 100 day travel anniversary!!!

Thank goodness this is the last day of tour as I cannot manage much more than a gimpy waddle but saved the best for last, this day we got to see the castle used to film Monty Python’s Holy Grail (your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!) and… and… wait for it…. MY FIRST SNOW FOR THIS WINTER!! WOO HOO!!! I did frolic in it jumping on one foot… then it turned to sleet… so I went inside…

Back in Edinburgh with my friends, the dear Miss Bridget refuses to let me book a hostel with a gimpy foot and lets me stay for the week to rest up - now u may be thinking get over its just a little toe… think of the pain when u stub your toe… then it doesn’t go away… yeah sympathy please!! Ok fine I’m a whimp with a very low pain threshold! Have been to the doctor who advised ‘It could be chipped or fractured… it will hurt for some time so stay off it for a bit’… yeah can I please get the medical definition outlining the suggested time frame for ‘a bit’? That would be super! No x-ray though as there isn’t a whole lot they can do, not even a lollypop or Wiggles bandaid (and yes I did ask… she wasn’t amused either…)

Now I know I have said this about Thailand, Ireland, London (especially Camden… ahh Camden I miss you….) but I really truly love Edinburgh (don’t tell Camden)… it is the most beautiful city I have really great friends here and a Primark is opening 10 December (score!) so have decided… after Unky and Hilary go back, I have another week to start the hunt for a job and a flat here for the new year! I really am looking forward to settling down for a few months, have some routine and not live out of stupid fat Hulio (he is still kinda fat). It’s like Perth here… only older… and colder… but everything is so close together and convenient.

I don’t know if they have brainwashed me with the Christmassy goodness… it’s a possibility! I thought it would be weird having a White Christmas but it feels like the movies!!! The Christmas Markets are delightful too! Something about rugging up, huddling together, drinking mulled wine looking at the lights it is just magical and I love it! I want to live at the Christmas markets! I can’t wait to go ice skating too… stupid foot and rain have cancelled it twice… I will skate… oh yes I will skate dammit!!! But yeah it feels so damn festive, everyone should experience a Christmas over here it makes you all mushy (:

8 December, 2011

Unky and Hilary came visiting!!! Well sort of, I kinda crashed their holiday by being here at the same time, but as always we had a brilliant time together (: I think Phil may have been slightly appalled that he knew more places to eat/drink after my lazy two weeks here and the first place we go as soon as they check in is… can you guess? No prizes… that’s right the pub! Dome, a chain coffee shop back home, but an upper class bar in an old bank in Edinburgh! They had so many Christmas lights!!! It was so ridiculously festive Hilary and I were grinning like five year olds and I think even Mr. Old Bah Humbug enjoyed it too. (:

The next day Phillary went to the castle which I politely declined to join as I don’t like wandering around in the freezing cold for attractions I haven’t seen, and given it is almost 1000 years old – I doubt much has changed since the last time I was there (: I did however meet up with this for the whisky tour! This was more for health and safety – you see whisky warms you up, and it was cold… see? Yeah take that logic!! The start of the tour is a mini ride explaining how they make whisky… apparently we were in trouble for taking the piss as we almost went around a second time, they couldn’t get us out of the chair! As we cruised into the ‘behind the scenes’ office area the look on the staffs face was priceless. Anyway freed from the evil ride we went on to sample the local whiskeys, Phil and I thoroughly enjoyed… poor Hilary looked like she was drinking poison but bless her she wanted to like it! Eventually she gave up and gave the very happy Phil the rest (:

We went to lunch at the Last Drop Inn which is where they used to hang people… it was surprisingly festive for a place with that history! Gorged on haggis and mulled wine we booked into the Mary Close Underground tour which was so creepily awesome!!! During the plague in the 1700’s to try and control the spread of the disease they kicked people out of their homes, and built a new area over it! So basically you can walk down the streets and into people’s homes which are preserved underground… but it’s not underground… hard to explain but fantastic! Oh and as requested by the tour operator to spread the word… they didn’t brick people with the plague in to their homes to die, they kicked them out THEN bricked them up. Then off to my favourite – the good ol’ Christmas Markets for some pork and mulled wine (: Shame it was such a short trip but I think we crammed in plenty!

So back in hostel land now organising resumes and beginning the intrepid job/flat hunt! It has been a crazy month! Overcome homesickness, broken an appendage, seen more amazing places and met more crazy people – oh and found my new home for the next four months! Now looking forward to New Years in Edinburgh! WOOOOO!!!!

I’m not sure if I’ll do another one of these for a while as I’m not sure how exciting you will all find the ‘Madcap Antics of the Job Hunt’ and the’ Wild Wacky Adventures – The Flat Search Continues…’. Just a few more ‘friend stops’ on the way back to London to join Phillary for Christmas… so if I don’t write again, wishing you all a very safe, very happy and wonderful Christmas!! If you are with your families enjoy every second with them, give them lots of hugs and appreciate the time you have together. Eat until you explode, drink until you can’t walk and laugh until you think your face is going to break and you can’t breathe anymore (: Friends and family, I love and miss you heaps!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS! Thanks for reading (:

Emmy xox

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