Rant #1- Language Barriers

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Foz to Campo Grande on a bus, deep joy.
Very interesting trip from the spectacular waterfalls at Foz Do Iguacu on an overnight bus to Campo Grande. A bus picked us up, took us about 2 hours away and left us at a strange roadhouse where they served a fantastic buffet for pennies. All was well until the bus cleared off and the place filled with strange looking locals. Fortunately our fellow passengers looked unperturbed and so we did like the romans. A different bus did return to get us eventually and I got to watch ´Flubber´ in Portuguese which was nice.
There is absolutely nothing Grande about this dump. We have just spent the afternoon sitting outside of our hostel, directly opposite the bus station, watching the pickpockets eyeing up victims and lady boys parading up and down while drinking cheap beer. This is such a desperate place we had to swallow our pride and eat in MacDonalds as it looked like the place where we were least likely to contract the E Bola virus.
This neatly brings me to my main bone of contention. Now Portuguese isn´t a language for the feint hearted and I have a phrase book and I´m not afraid to use it. Unfortunately unless you are word perfect and actually look Brazillian, the locals refuse to understand you. In Maccas I merely requested a Quartaroa ( obviously a Quarter pounder in any language) and was met with a blank stare. I then pointed to the picture and the number above my meal choice, recited the number in Portuguese and held up the appropriate number of fingers. Still nothing. Exasperated I repeated all of the above actions until someone from the back room figured out that I might want something to eat. I know they don´t employ child prodigies at Maccas but I ask you, If I had approached the girl randomly in the street and demanded Uma Quartaroa then I might understand the confusion. Not unlike the time I ordered a coffee with milk at a random roadhouse during a bus trip. That accomplished I requested sugar and did the universal sign language for sugar ( tipping an imaginary sugar dispenser into an imaginary spoon ) to be met once more with a blank look, almost even a look of contempt at my sheer ignorance of their language. I finally procured the sugar myself and merrily sugared my coffee to show the half witted girl what I meant. Unfortunately the coffe came heavily pre sugared but unwilling to admit defeat I choked it back with a straight face even though it made my teeth ache and my pancreas throb.
The best one I´ve heard so far isn´t one of mine. 2 boys in Rio having been up Sugarloaf mountain decided they wanted to see the Christ statue Corcovado. Getting into the taxi they requested as much- ´Corcovado por favor´nothing, 'erm... Christo, Jesus christ statue´nothing. Now there are 2 things to see in Rio and if you´re at the bottom of one of them then it doesn´t take Stephen Hawking to figure out where 2 backpackers may want to go. Anyway our plucky fellows battled on and resorted to sign language, the obvious arms wide spread and compassionate expression, 'Aaahhhh...'came the response, ´....Aerporto', Just brilliant!
Suffice to say I´ve completely given up on even trying with Portuguese, it´s just hopeless. I am learning a bit of Spanish but I find pointing and speaking loudly works a charm the world over.
I´m off to point at a few beers and marvel at the dross that accumulates around bus stations- truly the most depressing places on Earth.

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Comments

[Julia]

You want to try Nigerian then
Hiya! that is so funny I laughed out loud and nearly swallowed my chewing gum! he he! Last week I had this conversation with a Nigerian fella whose occupation I was trying to discover. 'Paaaaaakkkin' he said (try pronouncing in Jamaiican ) so I said 'Oh, you pack boxes? Manufacturing?' (whilst using hand movements simulating putting things in boxes) Naaaaaaaaah he grins, 'di paaaakkkin. u no, in de caaaz' (that's cars) Oh right, he is steering. Car Park attendent. So, I ask, what was your previous job (speech marks gone out of window now!) and he said 'yeh, di paaaakin.' 'Ok, I say 'Great, you did parking again?' LONG pause 'Naaah' he grins ' I did di paaaakin in di boxes!' Ha ha ha! How much did that make me smile. Admittedly his english is tonnes better than my nigerian!lol to you both and HAPPY BIRTHDAY EM for tomorrow xxxx love Ju