Thai Dye on the Highway

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Business recently sent me across to Ban Chang, about 100 miles South East of Bangkok. It’s about the same distance from AUH to Bangkok as it is to London (300 miles less actually), but is a different world again. For a start they drive on the proper side of the road, so after 7 months of left hand drive I was back to flicking the wipers on every time I wanted to indicate. Not that anyone noticed, nobody else was bothering with indicators, traffic lights or the pavement/road divide, or even which side of the road to drive on, it was pretty much a free-for-all.

Our mate Martin, a top Norwegian ex-ninja, racing driver, and general all-round good bloke gave us the inside track on where to go. Incidentally his son is also a racing driver and is busy wiping the floor with the opposition (and his Dad) despite being years younger than the rest of the drivers in his class. Check out kartthai.com or stuvik.com for the latest updates on Sandy's route to Formula One.

Ban Chang has no tourists there at all, which was lovely, there is a small ex-pat community, but they are a tiny fraction of the population. It is green with beautiful scenery, the people are friendly and the food excellent. Fresh exotic fruit is on sale everywhere, Lychees, Dragon Fruit, Durian, Papaya and all sorts of stuff that I couldn’t indentify but tasted great. The roadside Satay vendors are all busy with charcoal or gas grills, I think the infusion of traditional marinades and diesel fumes gives them a unique character and flavour.



There are about 3 bazillion travel blogs on this site that deal with Thailand, so if you want to see sleaze and sun burnt backpackers drinking neat rum out of coconuts you’ve got plenty of scope elsewhere. This is a quality blog for mature and culturally aware readers, not just a forum to provide titillation and enjoyment to people incapable of thinking up this stuff for themselves. As Shakespeare once said “with great power comes great responsibility” so I must act accordingly. Actually, I think it might have been Spiderman who said that, either way it was some bloke in tights, and if there is one thing I have learned in this life is that people take a lot more notice of what you say when you are wearing a pair of tights. And crying and holding a knife.







This blog has just had it’s 10,000th hit since I set it up in March, so that means either every single subscriber has logged on 285 times, or I have a much wider readership than I thought.



So, while I am here I’ll just quickly reply to some of the messages I get sent:

To Charles in Leeds - Strictly speaking it is illegal, but everyone turns a blind eye to it.

To Steve in Norwich - You'll just have to go to A & E and see if they can get it out, tell them you slipped while getting out of the shower or something.

To Scott in Leighton Buzzard - Please stop sending me those photos of yourself.

To Martin in Corringham - Those feelings are perfectly natural, especially in the Fire Brigade.

To Agnita in Sweden, Megan in Australia, Tanja in Luxembourg, Kish in Singapore, Britney in Colombia and Beccy & Zoe in Spain - Sorry, I am already happily married, but thanks anyway.

To Kiri, Hoshimi and Lulu in Tokyo - Yes, I think my wife would mind.

And to Bubba in the San Quinton Correctional Facility - Yes, I do like long, hot showers! - Was that a lucky guess?



Incidentally, other names for this chapter I thought up were “Thai Die For”, “All Thai-ed Up”, “Thai me kangaroo down sport”, “Tongue Thai-ed”, “Thai a Yellow Ribbon Round the Old Oak Tree”, "Lip My Thai-ts" and “Thailand”. I stand by my final choice, Robert Plant's solo work was always under rated. Of course, I should have called it "Like a Baht Out of Hell" but it's too late now.

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Photos

Thai Pood
Martin sees how frail I am looking and orders enough for six people.

Thai Pood 2
Francis gets stuck in, despite the onion not being chopped up really small.

Thai Art
This colourful image welcomed us at the hotel reception.

Thai Art 2
This is why the bloke in the picture looks so happy.

Buddha Mountain
This is the world's biggest depiction of the Buddha in the side of a mountain, in 24k gold. It was done during the Vietnam war in "protest" against the USA using Utupau Airport for B-52 activity.

Temple
There is also some lovely Chinese temples up in the hills.

Shame
Some blokes just can't help themselves, this saddo thinks he really is Brad Pitt for the night.

It gets worse
I just found these shots on my camera.

And worse...
I can barely look.

Oh no, another one!
I like the 'bunny ears' in the background.

Tsk
Let this be a lesson to you.

Martin & Joost
Martin comes to the punchline "and the Dutch guy says, sorry man, I thought they were her clogs!"

Catering
A burger van, Thai style.

Ice Cream
Joost gets the boys an ice cream.

Off Road
Apparently these are pretty good off road. At night they have flashing red LED lights on their tails.

Don't forget your Toothbrush.
Recyling. Toilet door lock broken? Old toothbrush? Ta Dah! Mind you, it did taste a bit funny.

Pattaya
You can get pretty much anyting on a t-shirt - one for my Mum...

Honest Gems
With everyone in Pattaya trying to get a piece of you, it's refreshing to find an island of honesty in a sea of vice.

The Walking Street
A bit of an eye opener. And I don't mean eye. If you know what I mean. I don't really know what I mean. Do I? Oh I don't know, if anyone does please get in touch.

Sea-Oh-Elle-Ay Cola
Dude looks like a lady.

Man oh man
Thanks for the invaluable advice from my ever-luvvin' cuz Dave for keeping me "straight". And by "straight" I mean "getting value for money".

Comments

[Joe]

Weird....
Hmmm...Why do all of the 'chicks' you are cuddling up to have Adams Apples????

[Jools]

Speaking of Adams Apples
I dont know where the woman in the green dress has her hand but judging by the look on your face it may be because you have just noticed her 'goitre'...

[Al n Shez]

That Bloke
Look, I have got no idea who the popular bloke in the photos is, Martin was looking after my camera while I nipped to the loo and he was obviously snapping away.

[KP1958]

Dog meat?
I know you were just joking but, unlike Vietnamese, some Chinese and Koreans, Thai people do not eat dog. You may be able to find dog meat only at very few seedy, and usually illegal, shops. The red meat hanging on the cart in one of your photos is seasoned pork. There are carts selling noodles with seasoned pork (Ba Mee Moo Daeng) everywhere in Thailand.

[Al n Shez]

Dog
Dear KP - yes, I was joking, in fact there were dogs everywhere, most of which looked well fed and healthy, if not a bit grubby.

[Uncle Pat]

Not sure but........
The women in the white dress looks like she's been around a bit. I remember seeing a photo of your dad taken with a Thai bird back in the sixties when he was in the merchant navy. I'm not sure but I think it's the same bird.