Is that a banana shooting out of your hoohoo or are you just happy to see me?

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So we went to Bangkok this weekend and met up with a couple other teachers from the group. I really needed to be in a place where people understood English and didn't look at me like I had two heads or blatantly laugh at me when I tried to speak with them. We went out the first night and bar hopped. The pick up line for the night was "Hey, you're white and probably speak english, my name's Amy." It worked like a dream.

Thailand is a strange country. It's incredibly conservative while at the same time deriving huge amounts of money through sex. I've almost gotten used to all the old white men with Thai girls who are EVERYWHERE. (Random side note: There was this giant fat guy named Jeff who was one of the teachers in my training course. A gross guy who was made 100 times more disgusting due to the fact that he also liked to eat those giant dried roaches they sell on the side of the street. But that's a random side note to my random side note. Anyway, he came to Thailand to try out 5 different Thai girls and decide on one to be his wife! A new one came each weekend and they would spend the whole time in the bedroom. The mental image was enough to make me want to throw up a little in my mouth. I think he rolled over on one of the smaller ones because she left on Sunday with a pretty bad limp.) Anyway, we're walking on Khao San Road on Saturday, which is this long street with bars and stores where all the backpackers stay. There are always guys coming up and advertising the ping pong shows. They have this one district with a bunch of clubs where the girls perform acts such as opening a coke bottle, writing a letter and popping a ping pong ball.......WITH THEIR LADY PARTS. Clearly we were going to see this. So we all head over and go into this club. Immediately I want to take a shower and cry for humanity at the same time. There are about 20 thai girls dancing in bathing suits. I use the term girls liberally because there were definitely some younger than 13 and definitely some that had at one time had penises. So we sit down and a bunch of them come over to talk to us. We wave them off and say we're just there for the show. I try not to touch anything with my bare skin for fear of disease. Then, this girl comes on stage looking like she would mainline drano if she had the chance. She lies down, takes a banana and then looks over and SHOOTS THE BANANA AT ME WITH HER CROUCH. If it had touched me I think I would have had an epileptic fit and I don't have epilepsy (I'm allowed to say that because my cousin has epilepsy). After that, some scary old 60 woman pimp comes over and starts demanding 10 dollars a person for seeing the show. Apparantly no cover charge only means walking in the door. Actually using your vision requires money. We had all more than had our fill by that point anyway (a total of maybe 3 minutes), so we got up and ran out.

I've been trying to think about cotton candy and butterflies ever since.

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Comments

[Sonia T.]

Scarred for life
I had to take a mental shower after reading your description of the banana/hoohoo incident. I'm thankful that a) the banana didn't actually hit you, b) you were not kidnapped and forced into the Thai sex industry, and c) that you wrote that she shot a banana at your "with her crouch." HAHAHAHA perfect place to spell crotch wrong. I am still chuckling about it. Stay safe and watch out for banana projectiles...Sonia