Dirty Russians, Drag like Bellydancers, and Drugs

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Firstly, apologies for crap photos, Dave has taken far better ones (being an arty phot guy) but can't upload them.
(For those of you who are pervs - Fordy...skip to end of Blog...thats where Dirty Russians come in lol)
Where to start lol After leaving this for nearly 3 weeks I can't be anused to write this; also Cairo is deceptively cold....our perhaps it's just we are on the roof of a 8 storey building?
I last updated in Luxor, during our lazy day....where we did exactly what you would expect-nothing lol Execpt that in the evening we had our first experiance of Egyptian Belly dancing, courtesy of our very likable hotel manager Ali (who along with his brother Siad are one of the few reasons to stay at the Grand Hotel in Luxor). What to say about Egyptian Belly dancing lol Well we arrived in there and the female dancing version of Craig for Dorset friends, Andy for Worksop friends, was on stage gyrating her rather large thang lol Ali absolutely loved this, and after shouting numerous randy comments (in Arabic) jumped on stage and started dancing with her....whilst his friends made up for not being able to touch the women, by putting money down his pants. Finally she went off, and to our horror was replaced by someone worse....with bigger tits though...so it made up for it slightly. All in all a sickening experaince which was prolonged by Randy Ali's utter enjoyment. The next day was a lot better, for me anyway; I, whilst trying to mail the Alabaster Pyramid I bought for my parents, was treated to a tour of the main office of Egypt Post after I mentioned I was a Royal Mail worker...it was amazing...I was so happy lol Stupidly unorganised and hectit though....I was incredibly relieved that my parcel actually reached home. We also visited Karnak Temple and the Temple of Luxor (not as exciting as the Post Office lol)....Luxor Museum was closed at time we were going to visit so we didnt wait around to visit it, because as Dave said 'It's only going to be a shitty version of the Egyptian Museum'. Luxor was the smaller of the two temples, in terms of site area, but was still absolutely massive in terms of size...almost bigger than Dave; fairly interesting as it also had a altar used by the Romans for the Cult of the Emperors...so there was some Roman Paintings amongst the Egyptian whatnot. Karnak was just huge...unbelievably so...although it is a site which had been added onto for over 3000 years do that is hardly suprising. In my opinion these two sites are far more interesting than the West Bank monuments as you can visualise their granduer in past eras and actually appreciate them; but just my opinion. After a hard days templeing....what else there to do than head down to the Kings Head Pub and try to pull Western women, alas our plans failed as here was to large German men and a bartender; also they had no Guinness....call themselves a pub lol.
Train to Aswan; after our enjoyable and comfortable journey from Cairo to Luxor we decided to continue the train journeys, this time in second class as it was only going to be a 2 hour journey. Oh god what a mistake, whilst the train was excellent...second class was even better than normal class in England...it was the company that ruined it...no not Dave. In four seats there was Dave and myself, then across from us were two Korean girls; and way over the side of the aisle was a Canadian man, a late 20's, balding, high pitched voiced Canadain man. After attempting to chat up the Koreans (who were ugly from his aisle seat, and interupting everyone of the trains journey by shouting, he actually had the gall to tell Dave to move so he could chat to them better....Dave moved, much to my dissapproval...however what followed was both the most amusing and also the most annoying 2 hours of my life. His chat up lines were the most ridicolously msn-esque things I have ever heard....things like 'Do you want to hear about my first time', and 'How many times have you had sex' in a Canadian accent...can you imagine my pain lol.
Eventually it was over, and we made our way to the Nubian Oasis hotel....only to be poached into the Yassien, which had a bathroom with shower and comfy beds for only $(again a sub for pound sign)3.50. We went downstairs to get something to eat...and to our horror guess who was checkin in, damn Canadian and his Korean concubines followed us; and to make it worse then asked us 'if we wanted to do a felucca trip with them tomorrow'. In the interest of being cheap we agreed to the felucca trip though lol
The next day we booked a trip to Abu Simbel. through our Hotel Manager Dave (almost as cool as Ali), then headed down to the Felucca Docks with the Canadian and the Koreans. We found a boat, negociated a cheap price, and were actually chatting to the Canadian about American music; that is until he turns on the pedophile msn charm in an effort to get into the Koreans pants. Cruisng down the trip down the Nile was amazing though; beautiful views (all on Daves camera) and just generally relaxing, we even got to visit a Nubian Village. I was very thankful though when the end came, just so I didnt have to be part of a perverted Canadian mating ritual.....he was generally a sack aswell. Other than get ripped off for Salad we didn't eat, and watch Rollerball....the worst movie ever?....we didn't do anything very exciting the rest of the day.
Abu Simbel...built by Ramses II to show the strength and glory of Egypt to the Southern tribes of Nubia....so great it made them fear the Pharoahs...one of the most exciting temples in Egypt...massive, incredible, other expletives I can't be bothered to type...and I could only sit outside with crippling stomach pains. I ate some dodgy Kushari, and was violently ill on the bus...well out the window. Dave was no help, after signalling to him I needed to be sick he then hought we were playing charades and took ages to respond; thankfully the Australian/German girl next to me didn't want to be coated in sick and opened the window for me.....a great introduction to the group lol. Before I forget, the convoy of vehicles waiting to leave the police gates (with supposed escort) at Aswan boud for Abu Simbel at 4am in the morning is incredible; literally 50 coaches and twice as many minibuses...and they all race to the temple so there passengers get a better views. I got there, was sick again; then suffered from crippling stomach cramps so it felt like I was going to shit myself if I didnt sit down after 2 minutes of walking with my head between my legs..a good day lol. Thankfully I felt I little bit better for Philae, which was still fairly impressive. The temple deciated to Isis which was one of the last pagan temples in Egypt, well into Byzantine occupation. After Philae was my favourite place, the Nubian Museum.....Andi and TMO would say I was discovering the ancestory of Leroy Dalton....the biggest Nubian in town lol It was good, very informative with lots explaining Nubian history and culture...useful as I knew nothing; unfortunetly I took to long to the Museum and lost Dave....the museum guard was nice and founf him for me lol So that was Aswan....good hotel, good sites, bad Canadians lol Oh and Dave has started smoking his relaxing plant using his water pipe he bought in Dahb, it's actually quite interesting to watch...or it would be if he wasnt blowing his second hand cancer towards me lol.
After hearing about the hordes of dirty russians in skimpy bikinis in Hurghada, from our hotel manager in the Yassien, we were out of Aswan and at the bus station looking for a bus to Hurghada like a shot. And we found one...one which scared me, just look at the picture. It was a interesting journey to say the least. We changed buses after breaking down 3 times, for about 1/2 each time; the last time being when the driver tried fixing the engine by lighting a fire under the leaking oil to find the problem lol That jounrey was hell, well for Dave it was; whilst I got a comfy seat, allbeit by a smelly farmer, he had to sit on the floor and keep moving when the same old lady kept mistakingly thinking she had to get off...it was a laugh. And we got there...at 3am, 5 hours late.
We planned to stay at the Hotel California...sing the song, we did at the taxi driver to get him to understand were we wanted to go lol Unfortunetly he tok us to the Hotel 4 Seasons (no not the 5*chain), which was amazing; bathroom, tv!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, and balcony for $3.50. And we are keeping up the record of never staying were we planned, well hardly lol
Hurghada was excellent, other than we went to the number one beach resort in Egypt and never saw the beach; this is because large hotel chains have actually bought, and fenced off, large portions of it...and we were to cheap and p-offed to pay $2 to use the beach. To stave off the anger at not being allowed to burn in the sun for free, we went and drank at Papas I....ordering 2 metres of beer (yes metres) and getting a free t-shirt each. This was followed by a pitcher, which prompted a man to come up to us and say 'You boys are clearly English by the amount you drink'. This was Kevin, a 28yr old chav from Norwhich who had bought lots of property and got lucky selling it off; oh and he hates Norwhich FC Jon lol Since he had retired to Hurghada and knew all the hots spots he sorted us out with free entry to 'Ministry of Sound Hurghaada' - one of the top ten clubs in the world (according to the Hurghada Nightlife guide); which is believable when it is packed, but as it only had about 300 people it wasn't anything special...well other than the hordes of fit Russians. I chatted a couple up at the bar (both fit, and I don't mean my standard of fit..I mean a normals persons), and then danced with them eyeing me and Dave up; unfortunetly we ruined our chances by recreating the Cricket World Cup on the dance floor...much to the Egyptians amusement. We tried again with a couple of stunning blondes...got led on..then failed again lol On the way home we got offered drugs, and prostitutes....Dave considered the buying the drugs, I considered buying the Prostitutes, but both were to pricey. Dave, who by the way insn't an aggressive drunk, threatend to, after swearing at him for 10minutes before almost continously, smack our taxi driver; who was only trying to stop himself being swore at lol The next night was by far more exciting though. After watching a middle aged man in a thong walk along a Arab high street we headed to Papas II again; and whilst supping our metres of beer got chatted up by a fit Brazilian and an Australian, both 24...who wanted us to join in their tour groups drinking games, and obviously get in our pants lol. The rest of there group was quite nice aswell; I met a really drunk middle Australian guy who was cool, and a youngish Kiwi who was a trade negociator for his country in England...I told him Big Sir Geof Elliot was the man to deal with in England, not Gordon Brown. After drinking, I left Dave to chat up the Brazilian (as he was the best looking guy at Worksop) and danced with the Australian...who turned out to be the most annoying person on the planet...to be fair to her we had a personality clash I think. Not only did she criticise my, alrite strange, sense of humour, but also called me rude. Thankfully she pissed off with Dave for a relaxant, and I started talking to the Brazilian...who was amazingly pretty...nice breasts, which at one point in the converation she actually told me to stare at (likle I wasn't already), but unfortunetly a large ass. After 6 hours of talking to her (interupted by spurts of anger of the by now very drunk Australian), and after having resigned myself to her been to fit for me to get with and that her mate thought I was a sack, she tells me 'If you had made the first move you could have pulled me so many times tonight'...bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger bugger. I spent the next few days replaying in my head every time she had clearly given me a sign and I had missed it..bugger bugger. Anyway, after been gentleman and walking them back home to their hotel, we stumbled into bed at 5-30am; at which point Dave expresses his anger at me for annoying the Australian and stealing his Brazilian lol.
That's it so far, well it's not...but I'll write up Alexandria and the rest of Cairo laterin the week as we are hopefully out to experiance Cairo nighlife.

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Photos

Luxor
Dave has a better pic which hsows it looking like the war-zone dump it was lol

Luxor Temple
No Daves not closer to the camera than everyone else...he's that big lol

Karnak Temple being large
Remember Daves 6ft 7'...now comapre lol

Quaitbey Fortress, Alexandria
Built (1477...correct me as I can't remember) then updated by Mohammed Ali in the 19th century, which is why it looks utterly toylike

Comments

[4d]

Not entirely convinced.
Now dont get me wrong, I know its a unlikely thing for someone to travel down Africa. But as its you i could believe it. What i cant believe is that a fit Brazilian wanted u to pull her. It's made me question whether ur infact at home wanking a photoshopping yourself into these photos. although i must say thank god you've cut your hair--you look much cleaner