Long way down

---

It's true what they told me before we came travelling; you live to your budget. You could probably travel around the world with little more than the shirt on your back and couple hundred quid in the bank. How much you'd get out of this, I don't know. By the same token, if you set off with a cool mill, then that's how much you're gonna spend, because you're all like "I didn't save all this cash not to spend it...give me another faberge egg". I can only speculate that had me and Veg not saved as much as we did before doing one, Orlando may not have been on the agenda. Or if it had, it wouldn't have been so choc-full of magical family fun.

After doing a bit of research into travel options other than the frankly torturous Greyhound bus service, we found that Amtrak, America's rail service, was a slightly quicker, much comfier, equally as cheap way to hop from state to state. So we arrived in Kissimee mid-morning after a relatively pleasant 2, count 'em, 2 hours sleep under our belt, as opposed to the 5 mins we'd been getting on said coach service. A million miles (proverbially, not literally) from the sprawling cityscapes of where we'd been so far, the place had a bizarrely tropical feel to it, one which I wouldn't have associated with America before I came out here. Roaring humidity, exotic lizards, towering palm-trees, it was a little like taking a stroll down a post-apocalyptic Dracaena Avenue.

Day one; obviously we were kind of tired, so we just chilled by the pool of our hostel and grabbed a beer in an English stylee bar named Coconut Wally's. Hilariously, they had Cornish pasties on the menu, but were sold out! Probably for the best, because if I'd ordered one and a shapeless meat patty had arrived on my plate, Wally would've been staring into the eyes of one angry Cornish dwarf! After we've done this, we've still got 4 days to kill. What shall us do? Did someone mention 2 waterparks and 2 theme parks! Now, I know what you're thinking, tremendously expensive, hideously commercial and not even remotely backpackerish...but heck, when you're cutting back money on all-you-can-eat buffets so good that I'm about to plug one of them (Cici's, little over 4 dollars for as much pizza as you want!) then we'd be idiots not to splurge! First port of call was Typhoon Lagoon. In all honesty, it wasn't that much removed from your typical European resort - British bulldog types in Union Jack shorts and string vests, that sweet little chaffinch going down the slide (remember boys? Benidorm!) - but it was a good laugh, and we topped up the tan. And by that I mean Veg spent the next day in the tub lying in an inch of vinegar with teabags over his eyes...ouchee!

He didn't really...what actually happened was we went to Adventure Island, and it was freaking awesome! The Hulk rollercoaster was great, way faster than the hornet. In fact, in general the whole place was better than Flambards, but there was no Ferdy and you couldn't see Penny-cwym-quick farm from any of the rides. Universal Studios was the next day. They had rides simulating such magical movie moments as an earthquake, a tornado, and even a Jaws-inspired great white shark attack (with the help of some extreme overacting from the tour guide. At one point I thought someone had just thrown a leg of ham in the boat with us). There was also a star-turn from one of the original stars of "Twister". The work seems to have dried up for him since, as he was playing the role of "cow in a twister". I don't want to mention names though, because if he really has fallen on tough times, he might sue the piss out of me. In fact I've already said too much. That evening we had a few drinks at Citywalk.

Day 4 was spent at Blizzard Beach, where fun was had and fears were conquered. I'll let Veg explain the rest. Vegy?

Thanks Liam, great stuff. Yes indeed fun was had by all and fears were not so much conquered but definitely faced.

As many of you know im pretty much scared of most things; Sharks, snakes, commitment, identity theft, being stabbed, being shot, being punched, being laughed at, being naked in a public place (sober), being eaten by a croc, being eaten by anything, being a failure, being alone, being hungry, being trapped in a cage covered in honey dangled over a pit of ravenous bears, being around midgits/dwarfs/lLiam, being in the same room as pixies, elves, goblins, leprechauns, dragons, unicorns, the loch ness monster, mummies, dracula, frankensteins monster, frankensteins bride, the wolfman, big foot, a yeti, Lord Voldemort, a T-rex, a lion that can talk, a shark with legs, the evil shadows in the film 'Ghost', withces (not Hermione!), the IRA, the Taliban, answering a phone while ironing, any and all physical sport, public toilets, the thought of someone reading this and thinking its shit then thinking 'I'm glad he's the otherside of the world', care bears (because at the end of the day they are still BEARS), and bee's. The list goes on and on, but my biggest fear is heights, yes acrophobia. Despite being a knee shaking, vom inducing 6ft 5 ish i cannot handle anything over this without turning into a 6yr old girl.

So where exactly am i? Sat on the top of Summit Plummet (a 120ft dam near vertical waterslide) in Orlando Florida. The time? Who cares like i said im sat at the top of a 120ft waterslide!! Taking in the frankly impressive yet totally not important view i ask myself a simple question, why am i doing this?? Its a good question. I sit there pondering this while the red light glows telling me to sit tight and not go. The people behind me patiently wait and im slightly conscious of the fact im visibly scared. I have to do this because this is not the first time ive been here, its not even the second.

It actually all started 3 years ago on a very similar sunny september day. I was a week into a 2 week trip along the east coast with some lovely ladies from uni (hello Michelle, Julie and Amber etc). They were happy going around the lazy river all day but i wasn't. I was bright eyed and bushy tailed running around like a 10 year old wanting to go on every slide. I purposefully left Summit Plummet until last because i knew i would have issues with it, and low and behold i did. I made it 10 people from the top and panicked. Glancing at my watchless wrist i whimpered "oh wow phew is that the time, i gotta plane ... no train ... no bus to catch". And so began my first of two walks of shame. I cant remember what happened exactly but i believe i recieved some boo's and people threw rotten veg at me as i made my way, head down, via the stairs.

Fast forward 3years, its roughly 1 hour before i would find myself staring at that red light, this is my second attempt at this slide. This time i get to the dizzying top. Liam goes first, like the true headcase he is he has no problems. My turn, uh oh i hesitate and let the person behind me go. Then the next. Then the next. 3 or 4 people later i set off on my second walk of shame. This time its worse, it seems all the people im walking past are laughing teens or disgusted adults. All i can hear are things like:

" Yo man, you gots to embrace the fear dude"

and:

"oh shit look at this giant pussy. Yo ... Yo wassup man? Too high for you?!"

and:

"C'mon lad this lil guy has done it 3 times already" (pointing to a 5 year old no bigger than my left foot)

The final crushing blow comes when an english man, in his forth decade of life, asks what happened. I reply with a joke, he looks away appalled and doesnt laugh, i dont laugh either and a little piece of me dies.

Oh great the red light is now green and the lifeguard is telling me to hurry the hell up. I inch forward and my breathing has gone crazy. First my feet go over the edge, then my legs, then my ass, no going back now. 3 to 5 secs of ear piercing screams later i'm at the bottom. My ass has decided to feast on my trunks turning my once long board shorts into a wrong-way-around thong. Not a pretty sight for me and certainly not a pretty sight for the family waiting to capture a kodak holiday moment at the foot of the slide.

Now people who are not afraid of heights cant relate to this, especially as im quite literally terrified of em. I was actually very proud of myself. Its all part of building up to the main event , a skydive which i plan on doing in New Zealand or Oz. So expect another blog showing what a complete chick chick chicken i am in the new year.

That was the highlight of my stay in Orlando and im sure there will be many more to come in the states. Liam you got anything else you wanna write???
No?
Cool.
Later aligators.
Chris and Liam.

---

Photos

Me descending a waterflume
a la craig

Cow-a-bungaaaaaa!
Chris casually frolicking in Typhoon Lagoon's wave machine

Hmm not the best specs
Just before watching the T2 show at Universal Studios.

Me enjoying a little tug
no change there then - arf!

You...Me....
EEVERYYYBODY

Liam
concentrating on breathing in

Summit Plummet
Scary shit

Why So Angry Chris?
Chris contemplates his Summit Plummet shame while Liam laughs in the background.

Liam and the Summit
calm exterior masking the dread inside

Chris' Fave Slide
Prob cos its the smallest ... Pussy.

Chris' Fave Slide #2
Look at the smile on the big lads face.

Liam gets eaten
Gutted.

Tooty
Another location, another tooty dance

Seconds Before Impact
Zoom in and witness the pure excitment/fear on Liams face. Hilarious.

Comments

[ma/clare]

hilaire!!!
Hilarious story. You boys are certainly seeing life!! Keep up the travelblogs - they brighten my day and make my sides ache with laughing. You should both write for a living x x

[Kelly Brook]

Sky Dive
Definetly keep the sky diving for aus...ill come with....and ill push you out of the plane so you don't have to do it yourself :) I kept laughing out loud while i was reading that and im at work......embarrasing :-/