Capital Characters in Lima

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Determination by Bus

Whilst trying to get to the bus terminal in Trujillo my taxi driver decided to take me for a joy ride on the meter, assuming that I didn't know where the bus station was. This is a popular scam all across the world and a particularly irritating one in my opinion. I bailed on the taxi and jumped on a circle bus that would take me in the direction of the terminal. After a short while I realised that I had in fact jumped on a bus going in the wrong direction around the city and I was getting increasingly further away from my destination. During the previous evening I had heard from a friend who was going to be doing a crazy sounding cargo ship trip like me, but from a different city, he was with a friend as well. I thought hard during this period on the bus and decided that I would let the bus decide my fate. If I made it to the terminal in time for my bus to Tarapoto, I would take it, if it did not, then I would return to Lima and try to meet Ryan and his friend.

I didn't make the bus and spent my day walking somewhat aimlessly around Trujillo for the afternoon, whilst reading my book as usual, before catching a bus back to Lima and the bland Western vision of Miraflores and it's many American fast food chains.

I was back in Lima for a few days whilst waiting for Ryan and his friend, Tansie, to arrive. I won't go into any detail about the city itself, I think it's enough to say that it is massive, the poverty and wealth lines are incredibly distinct, the historical centre is fantastic, Chinatown is wonderful chaos (although oddly lacking in Chinese people), Miraflores is as generic a place could possibly be (although it has a plaza comically over-populated by healthy cats) and Barranco is a decent Bohemian style district with some good nightlife (we had a good night out in a live blues bar). What I will write a little about is a couple of the comical characters that I met there, for Lima is a huge city and an entry point for many travellers and a place where there is easy access to drugs and therefore home to some sorry ass people.



The Dumbest Traveller of All Time

I met a guy from California, at the time I was sitting at a table using my laptop. He introduced himself and was clearly a little shaky, a fairly obvious sign of someone on drugs. What was a better indication that he was on cocaine was a few seconds later when he licked some cocaine of a piece of paper.

We had our introductions and went through the standard traveller questions, but he was very enthusiastic to tell me his story from the past few days and from the expression displayed on his face, I was eager to listen.

This guy had managed to get himself hooked on cocaine living in LA, what made him interesting was the fact that he'd done it intentionally. He had come up with a plan to get addicted to cocaine and after a period, ween himself off the drugs using herbal remedies, as opposed to using alternate drugs and other regular methods. The idea behind this plan was to write a book about his experiences and to help drug users. A nobel if completely insane plan.

He had decided to fly down to Lima to meet drug dealers to research a section of his book about the origin of some of the drugs. Once again not a bad idea, but one that is somewhat insane. I guess when you're into this sort of subject area you have to take are bound to be taking risks.

The point where this goes from an insane idea that was possibly brave and onwards into pure idiocy should have indicated a little by the fact that when I met him, he was taking cocaine - obviously he had not suceeded in weening himself off the drugs. The star on the top of his crazy tree was a misguided attempt to save some money in Peru by bringing $3000 with him in cash, thereby avoiding ATM fees. Again, like his other ideas, there was something sensible about it, but the passage of carrying out this idea, like his others, was beyond comprehension.

He did not trust the hostel for some reason, I can't imagine he'd travelled before. This meant he wouldn't leave his money inside his locker (you could use your own lock) and he wouldn't use the safe at reception. No, in his drug riddled brain it made more sense to keep it on his person at all times. Yes, that did include all of the times he met with drug dealers and you can see where this is going of course. He got punched and robber by a dealer after he caught a glance at the wad of cash on his person. He lost everything except his passport which he claimed had been thrown at him as he gave chase to the drug dealer and thief.

He was in Lima doing coke whilst waiting for his family to wire his some money so he could leave the country, he'd been in Peru for 4 days. He was the writer of a book detailing how to get off cocaine, whilst still an addict and a person who lost $3000 by putting more faith in drug dealers than in a padlock.

A special person indeed.



The Ex-Convict

There was a guy from London with a strong cockney accent, he looked close to 50, but from speaking to him I am guessing he was in his late 30's. The first time I encountered him, I smelt him before I saw him. He had returned from a night out at three in the afternoon completely wasted still and passed out. I spoke to him for the first time a few hours later, he'd dragged himself out of bed and gone to the hostel rooftop for a another beer and to start the next night.

Over a few days I learnt, through him, that he'd recently been released following a two year sentence for trying to smuggle four kilogrammes of coke out of the country. He had attempted to do so for the same reason as many before him, he would an idiot who listening to a story of how simple it was to smuggle drugs onto a plane - the volume of drugs in Europe being the tipping point to indicate just how simple it is to do and just how easy it is to earn crazy money from doing so.

So he spent two years in prison and had been perpetually drunk ever since, he had to stay in Lima for several more months as his probation period. During his time in period he was contacted by one of those slightly strange females who find convicts a turn on, even if they are an unattractive, aged Englishman who doesn't speak any Spanish. They had started to date properly after her was released; back in England he has two children and an ex-wife.

It was hard to tell whether he was drunk or sober most of the time, he was vague permanently, along with being very dim making conversation a challenge at times.

The highlight with this guy was when he returned from a night out one afternoon and starting rapidly walking around the rooftop of the hostel talking to various people. Eventually he reached my table, where I was sitting with a few people. His problem this time round was that although he alleged he doesn't remember it happening, he had managed to go home with a random girl the night before - not to be overly harsh but she must've been a prostitute, the guy was a complete and utter mess. The biggest problem with this happening, other than the obvious, was that the girl had left him with a fairly ample lovebite on his neck and as such he was running around asking everyone in a crazy cockney accent what he should do about it, the man was a cartoon character.

The suggestions thrown at him started with nice silly ideas, like shaving repeatedly so that he would have a rash over all of his neck. He actually tried this one. Other suggestions included, wearing a scarf, pretending to be ill for a few days, using make-up, burning his neck, getting sunburnt specifically on his neck. He genuinely appeared to consider all of the ideas, a good marker of the submarine level of his intelligence.

It was hard to tell what he was scared of more, losing his girlfriend or simply having the crap kicked out of him by her. Eventually he wandered in his skittish way downstairs, out of the hostel to a pharmacy where he overpaid for some steroidal cream in an attempt to reduce the purple mark.

He spent the next hour wandering around the hostel once again in a frantic manner, panicking and asking if the cream had worked yet whilst simultaneously overworked his brain by trying to decide whether he should cancel meeting his girlfriend. It was an epic struggle for his hamster in a wheel powered brain, turning over this simple seeming issue in his brain. He got utterly confused at one point as he couldn't decide whether or not it face clearing up or whether he was mistaking it healing for the white of the cream.

Eventually his confusion resulted in him running out of time to make the decision and she arrived. His terror of her reaction became clear - she looked like a pitbull. Fortunately he managed to get away with it, I have my suspicions he wouldn't have made it through it he had been caught.



A Mini Conclusion

I feel a little bad for writing about both of these characters, everyone is flawed in some way, I know I have a large number of them, but this pair were so uniquely and comically flawed I felt I much write about them. There is one thing they both had in common as well - cocaine. This fact is something to take away from the equation and if the pair had never come in contact with it, then they would not have had their problems. Due to bad decisions and cocaine, there is a person who has written a book about getting off drugs which he is still addicted to and taking, and a man stranded in Lima whilst his children grow up in a different continent without him.

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