Things I've learnt in Asunción - 6 Oct 2010

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Wow, so it has already been over two months since I returned to Paraguay (shame on you if you are one of those people thinking - what Ralph went back to Paraguay?). I thought it is hight time I give you all a quick catch up on what life is like in Paraguay. Rather than be too serious about the whole thing I thought I'd just give you a list of few things I've learnt in Asunción since I got here, I will try and make this a regular thing. Remember while everything is based in truth some things may have been exaggerated to make you laugh...

Paraguayan Mental Patients...look a bit like Scottish homeless people. Maybe it was his shaved head, angry look and tartan blanket around his shoulders (in 35c heat?!?!)

There is only one AIDS clinic in the country...and it isn't a good look being the only gringo there. It is however a great place to pick up men (if you are also a man and not too fussy).

The binmen come three times a week to collect the rubbish...I think that is why they call it the 3rd World

Don't forget to eat before a blood test...otherwise you might faint. Fainting in a foreign country is not fun. I thought I was in a terrible nightmare and everybody was slightly fuzzy and all I could hear was Spanish voices. WHY IS EVERYBODY SPEAKING IN SPANISH! I kept thinking. When I did come too I suddenly thought WHY AM I IN HOSPITAL IN GERMANY! then realised that was 2006. My brain finally came round and I panicked. WHY AM I IN HOSPITAL IN PARAGUAY! Then I remembered I was there for a routine blood test for my residency application.

Blackberry users are very priveleged...because I simply can't buy one here. I've got the money but they don't trust that I will pay. I'm not sure if this is because I always wear shorts and flip flops but they just don't trust me. I need a letter from my work to prove that I can afford to pay 30 quid a month. Even if I do all that it might not mean I get a Blackberry though, because they are like gold dust here. I almost punched a pregnant saleswoman in the the stomach last week when she asked me if I wanted to look at the models they had, only to follow it up with "We don't actually have any Blackberries in this store". SO WHY THE F**K WOULD I WANT TO LOOK AT THE MODELS OF SOMETHING I CAN'T BUY? God help her child.

I've probably learnt much more since I was here but that will do for now. For those of you who want to know what my house looks like these are the photos - yes that is my cooker on top of it's box. Pay Day on the 19th so will be buying an overpriced stand I'm sure.

I'm sure you guys are thinking, doesn't Ralph write another blog? Why yes I do - http://footballtoptens.wordpress.com/

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Photos

My Kitchen
The Fridge is Mabe - that well known brand.

The kitchen office
Where one works when one is hot.

The electric cooker
The price of gas is ridiculous so all about the electric cooker, from MIDAS another well-known brand.

Comments

[jonny quinn]

i didn't know you were in Paraguay!
Laughing my head off in work reading your blog. Keep them coming. P.S. Sack Arsene Wenger!