I´d like to see Ray Mears do this ...

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Day 22 - January 22 2008 - Tena, Ecuador
No rest for the wicked - and after that pizza the previous evening ... (mmm .... pizza) ... we were up at 6am and headed for the jungle in Tena. Bus journeys no longer cause us panic and we are "travellers". It´s official.

5-6 hours on a bus to Tena. That´s one hell of a game of eye-spy (is that how you spell it? Or is it I-Spy?). We got there anyway - and we headed to Amarongachi Tours.

First impressions:

1. The b******s got our bags dirty in the back of the non-luxury bus. And because we needed the toilet when we got there - this didn´t make us happy.
2. Tena seems fun - but our Mum´s wouldn´t like it. It´s a bit thrown together to say the least and ragged around the edges. Let´s say no more than that in case we put our (self-proclaimed) "traveller" status at risk

Anyways - we got to the "office" and our "host" Julio met us.

Now - in hindsight - I guess we should have known that something was afoot when Julio asked Nathan how his Spanish was. Not an odd request you may think ... in Ecuador ... and Nathan didn´t think anything of it. In addition .. Nathan wasn´t impressed when the standard meal consisted of a soup with a fish head in the middle. And guess what Lizzý´s vege option was? Go on ... take a wild stab in the dark ... ?

So we sat down with Julio who ran through the "tour". Don´t worry - the guides speak English and will be able to help you out.

Day 1: (Today): A 5km ride down the river on Rubber tubes
Day 2: Morning: A 5 hour hike in the depths of the jungle, and the climbing of 5 waterfalls
Day 2: Afternoon: Swimming in the "lagoon"
Day 3: Morning: Jungle Tour with "our famous" Amarongachi Jungle Guide
Day 3: Afternoon: Sunbathing
Day 4: Morning: Trek into the Jungle to meet an indiginous family
Day 4: Afternoon: Bus at 1430 to Quito

OK we thought ... we wanted to see the jungle - so let´s get to it.

Headed to Shangrila lodge - 25 minutes outsider Tena. It didn´t help that Nathan was tired and frightened of Malaria (in a hard core traveller sense of course).

The lodge was spectacular - wooden structure high above the River Napo with stunning views. Nathan was really getting on Lizzy´s nerves by now. Things live out there Lizzy ... things that want to kill us (again ... in the truest Ray Mears sense of the term).

We got our cabin - with hammock and balcony - lovely really. But Nathan just couldn´t help thinking that things we living there too ... and they were ... but he didn´t tell Lizzy ... and Lizzy didn't tell him....

Headed out for the "Tubes" trip and met our other travellers. And this is really where the fun began. Darwin our Ecuadorian host didn´t speak a single word of English and there was an Italian couple who didn´t speak a word of English .. and then there was David, the Berliner who was nice .. and could communicate a little with us.

This really may sound disingenuous we know. After all - we have come to Ecuador - a beautiful country - without really speaking any of the language. However - if things were going to prove as difficult as they did then we would have preferred Julio to tell us ... and not lie directly to our faces.

Nathan in particular was not happy ...

Tube trip was a very sedate affair. Hardly from the River Wild. Perhaps this was because Nathan was upset?

Met 3 Danish people at dinner that evening - all very nice.

We were in bed by 2000, smothered in DEET - and the deafening jungle noise didn´t disturb us once.

Ray Mears Rating: Low. We didn´t need to put any of our Jungle Skills to the test as yet (other than using our phrase book extensively - unexpectedly ... thanks Julio - we felt like real real plonkers - which we actually are - in a "traveller" sense)

Day 23 - January 23 2008 - Tena, Ecuador
Up at 6am - out of the lodge door at 0730 to travel into the depths of the jungle - by pick up truck.

Got to the village with our Danish colleagues (another set of diamond people). Alarm bells were sounding a little stronger because of some of the feedback they were giving us about the tours ... more later.

Eduardo - our guide met us and wanted to know our names. Nathan was christened Nelson. And then we set off trecking - in combats and Wellington Boots ... for 4 hours into the jungle - to climb water falls. There were strong warnings about the dangers of "Serprientes" - don´t stick your hands out or else Serpientes will get you. Bloody marvellous. All geared up for a thrilling adventure.

Had some fun with face paints - taken from the fruit of one of the trees. Started to notice that we actually understood all the Spanish ... in a sort of Harry Potter Parsel sense.

But then it started.

Nathan went up one waterfall and got very wet. At the beginning of the tour. Imagine that this was hot, sticky, sweaty stuff ... and now you´re wet ... and you´re a "rugby player" with "big groins". Yes CC .. this is right .... grot rot ... and it started early ... rubbing away ... like sand paper.

3 waterfalls later (not 5 thank God ... but thanks for lying again Julio) there was blood. Nathan thought he had been bitten. Not good.

Fair play to the dogs though ... they went everywhere ... and this is difficult difficult terrain ... jungle ... dense jungle ... up and down up and up and up ... and then down.

Mercifully we got back to the lodge for lunch ... and Lizzy was given eggs - even despite her telling them that she didn´t want huevos.

Set off walking for another 2 hours ... to the lagoon. This was a beautiful place ... really beautiful. Essentially this was the plunge pool prior to the tributary entering the main river. Lots of jumping off rocks into the water ... and lots of stinging as the sand at the bottom of the lagoon found it´s way into Nathan´s groin region. The river was very powerful here - and looked like the blue of the rivers in the Rocky Mountains ... fabulous (Julio however - takes no credit for this)

Then there was another Tube ride ... all the way back to the camp. Much more fun than the previous day (read "more fun" as "more dangerous". There was certainly no Safety Certificate or IS09001 assessment here).

Had dinner ... (Lizzy had rice, refried beans, salad ... marvellous ... fantastic). Nathan had meat - and he didn´t want to know what sort of meat it was ...

Then - in darkness - a 10 minute walk through to the pick up to take us back to Shangrila. Assessed the full damage of Nathan´s nether regions ... it was like a war zone ... good job we had a big tube of savlon!

We were now the only people in this massive (20-30 bedroom) lodge. With the exception of Reuben - a guy from Barcelona with whom we could communicate a little.

Ray Mears Rating: Sorry Ray - We took the penknife - and we were ready to light a fire using the light of the sun but we must have missed the waterfall episode. Admittedly - I think Ray may have thought of some more appropriate clothing - but not when there were serpiente´s around in the undergrowth

Day 23 - January 23 2008 - Tena, Ecuador
And this was the day. The day when we realised that we were not "travellers" and were actually more like tourists. Basic American tourists at that.

And Ray Mears is going to get some grief here too (whilst we are in rant mode).

Ray - don´t tell us how to survive the unsurviveable until you have attempted to do one of these walks - and another thing ... everyone knows you were helicoptered in there ... and why are you so portly if you don´t have a tent full of Stella waiting for you behind the camera??

So this morning was the Jungle Tour - with the "famous" guide. Famous at what Julio? Eh? Famous at walking into dense jungle and out of the dense jungle without introducing us to any sort of detailed tour? Roberto you are awful at being a jungle guide. If only we could tell you in Spanish ...

As background - we were kept awake at night by intense jungle rain. Which is what you expect in the jungle and in the rainforest (the clue is in the title). No problem.

So we got kitted up. Nathan in cycling shorts to protect his "regions". North Face came out. Waterproof trousers came out. The whole lot. And then we set off.

It is safe to say - the day after - when the memory is so raw - that these 3 hours were 3 of the worst hours of our lives. It is very hot - so you try to keep the rain out but get soaked with sweat. And the quickest way through the jungle is through the river/stream at the bottom of the valley. So that´s where we walked ... in places so deep it comes over your wellies into your wellies.

And so a snapshot - it´s rain forest raining ... torrential ... in a forest where there are lots of poisonous snakes and deadly spiders ... and you are wet to the bone ... AGAIN ... and you´re slipping and sliding all over the place ... just trying to get out. No Ray Mears ... you have not done this.

And then the coup de grace. To get out ... you have to rock climb out ... through crevasses which (no offence CC) Codo would not get out of. And then there are bats flying at you .. protecting their roosts.

And what for? For Roberto to tell us that this is a Bird of Paradise Plant - which has been commercialised in the west and sold at 20GBP a stalk.

Thanks Reuben for translating this.

So we got back ... sopping wet ... and we were going to take a photo but forgot ... and Lizzy put her foot down ... and Nathan loves her dearly for this. No more she said ... and Nathan (who had been counting the days to us leaving) agreed.

So we asked Roberto to get us a Taxi to Terminal Terrestre. And so a day early - we sacrificed 40GBP to come back to Quito ... and we checked into Cafe Cultura for 2 nights ... until we leave for Peru.....

And we slept last night ... have put all our sopping clothes into laundry ... and it was nice. At least now we will nurse our mosquito bites in a decent hotel!

Ray Mears Rating: Don´t Ray ... just don´t ... until you do "Forced to be Sopping Wet and Miserable in the Jungle With Ray Mears" you´ve lost two friends.

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Photos

Jungle View
... from our Cabine .. Shangrila Lodge, Tena, Ecuador

Dense dense Jungle ...
... we love the jungle ...

Jungle Paint
... it´s amazing what you can find out here in the Jungle

Promise Not to Make Me Look Silly?
... yes darling ... I promise ...

Eduardo .. our first guide
... and he was really good ... we just didn´t have any money with us to tip him ... a regret

Up There?
... but I am bleeding ...

Lizzy hadn´t had a Shower for Days
... and there was something very definitely different about her just recently

Sorry
... but cameras just don´t work in these conditions ..

The Caves ...
... on our "jungle" trip ... with our "famous" guide ... yes ... we went through this ...

.. and the sun came out ..
... becuase we were going home ...

Comments

[Si]

Top Quality!
Fantastic mate! Certainly cheered me up for most of my Monday morning, and some of my Monday afternoon reading about your travels. Upset there's no photo of you looking like Rambo wrestling a giant killer snake - instead there's just one of you in Wellies - looking like Compo...

[cc]

thanks for the laughs
guys i have to say you have truly brightened up this avg monday morning .. i have been at my desk laughing out loud at times ...well done !! It all looks great fun (nath i have never seen you smile so much in photos !!)... and you guys look great !! keep enjoyng !!!

[Mrs C]

TWO MESSAGES - WOW!
Hi Liz and Nathan Read your latest two diary entries whilst at Bell House! Seemed appropriate. Good to hear it's all going so well. All those animals - I'd be in seventh heaven. Not sure I'd have liked the swelling sea much though. Keep them coming and carry on enjoying... XX

[TJ]

Grot Rot
I'm feeling your pain there, Smithy, as I cast my mind back to that agonising day on the Chelsea embankment in the summer of 03. Forget the vaseline did you? Schoolboy error for a seasoned marathon runner lke yourself. Especially in the heat and humidity of the South American jungle. Anyway...enough of that. Keep up the good work.