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Published: January 15th 2007
Paragliding
Ready to launch...Ok, so it's been a while since our last entry, but that's because we've been really busy! So go on, get a cup of tea/coffee/whisky* (*please delete as appropriate) and settle yourself in for a whistlestop tour of the south island of New Zealand...
In the next few paragraphs we guarantee you thrills, spills, a whole new cornucopia of transport arrangements and wildlife as has never been encountered before.
WARNING - this blog has been rated as 18 (it will take you roughly that long to read!)
Right - we headed off from Christchurch on the beautiful Tranz Scenic railway for Greymouth where we picked up Dougie - our lovely little (the appropriate word) hire car. The Dougmobile is powered seemingly by 100 running gerbils, and while he tries very, very hard, he does occasionally object to the torturous mountains we have been forcing him up. Bless his little socks though.
After a nice journey down the west coast, we made our first pit stop at the Franz Josef glacier. The cloud cover miraculously cleared (don't get excited now, it was for approximately 5 minutes) as we strolled up to the terminal face (look at us and
our new technical language, oooohhhh). Well, we started strolling. The end of the track was a vertical assualt course and we began to understand why the few hundred metre walk was shown as taking 20 minutes. Gasping for breath (Lucie), pretending to be fine (Dave) we looked up to see....a HUGE piece of ice. Honestly, it was pretty impressive...
As the rain began to descend we set off again for our night stop at Fox Glacier (a different end of the same monster). We had booked to do a heli-hike (helicopter to the top and a walk on the glacier itself) but woke up to heavy clouds and heavy hearts. Determined not to be disappointed by the cancellation we walked up to the terminal face of Fox Glacier. Right up to it. Oh yes. Not to be swayed by ropes, danger signs and clear evidence of falling chunks of ice, we decided we had meant to touch the glacier and we were going to touch the damned glacier!
Timing was on our side though, we were entirely on our own for about 15 minutes (clearly Kiwis are put off by torrential rain during walks, wimps...) and managed to sneak through the (admittedly not very tight) safety barriers. For those who are equally intrigued, a glacier feels like... yes... a big piece of ice. Shocker.
With the cancellation we set out a day early (see? blessings in disguise!) and squeezed a night in Wanaka into our busy schedule, allowing us to visit the fantabulous (there is NO other word) - "Puzzling World". Ooh, how puzzling it was. For those who know of the Hayes family predilection for rubbish tourist attractions, we can assure you, this was right up there. Perhaps even topping the Cork Butter Museum. Oh yes.
Bravely, clutching each other for support, we headed into the 3-D maze... OK, so small children were easily figuring this beast out, but they had obviously made some sort of pact with the devil. We took over an hour before we stumbled wearily out of the exit. In the raging heat. Yes, the first time it had been hot since Christchurch and where was our sunscreen? Laughing at us from the car, which we could SEE but never REACH.
Taking advantage of the weather we went to a lovely vineyard on our way to Queenstown and had a nice picnic in the grounds while pretending to be able to spot various aromas as pointed out in the 'Tasting Notes' such as raspberries, blueberries and (I kid you not) a kiss from Scarlett Johannsen. Uh huh.
Queenstown itself is a great town, full of utter nutters, but great!
Dave, having lost a very serious bet, relating to er, something very important I'm sure... had to provide Lucie with a date in Queenstown. Happily Lucie had lost a smiliar bet in Christchurch and had provided Dave with the aformentioned gondola ride, picnic in the gardens, gentle row on the Avon, historic tram ride... so she merrily set off for the Queenstown gondola ride, assuming Dave was doing something (while unimaginative) broadly similar. How wrong can you be...
Lucie:
Gondola yes. Luge from the top? NO. He strapped me into a tin tray and threw me off a mountain! And was that enough for him? No. He made me do it twice! I was being passed by toddlers as I carefully braked for corners (Mirror, signal, manoeuvre, anyone? ANYONE??) And on the second time, he sets off for the Advanced Route. Me? NO thank you very much, I'll go scenic again...
I now pass further evidence tt the jury. Activity 2 of my 'date' was also a secret. About which Dave seemed very nervous. Hmm. I was quite pleased when I was told we'd be going for a boat trip on the river. At last, I think, he has remembered the Christchurch protocol. He is sorry for his previous misdemanours.
I first began to be suspicious when they handed me a lifejacket. Then when I got into the boat and the man switched on the jet engines. We careened down canyons at speeds of up to 100 km/h with the nutter driving the boat laughingly flipping it in 360 degree circles! He missed the huge rocks at the side by about 2 inches at the most. Seriously. And my lovely hubby had given me the seat at the side - so I could enjoy it more! Actually it was great! I even regained movement in my clenched fists after about an hour too...
Dave:
I don't think I've laughed so much in my life! Both at the look on Lucie's face and the trip itself. Think I might plan a few more 'dates' in future...
Clearly we had gotten the activity bug at this stage and decided the only sensible way to spend our final day in Queenstown was to hurl ourselves off cliffs, attached to kites! We went paragliding!! After being cancelled once (beginning to see a pattern here...!) we returned, undaunted, got to the top off the cliff... Lucie settled down to wait her turn, while Dave merrily queue jumps and leaps off into the ether - the first jump of the day! Lucie waited for the breeze to drop enough for the kid in front to be able to go. And waited. And waited... and got cancelled again as the wind got too strong! Dave, the cheeky beggar was not only the first but the only one who got to go!!
Undaunted, we tried again later and Lucie got to go too! Oddly enough, after a busy morning she was the only one jumping and managed to attract an enormous crowd. With only Little Tiger for moral support (carefully stuffed down her top, to the bemusement of the rather cool looking paraglider instructor...) she prepared herself. Easy enough. After watching Dave that morning there seemed nothing to it - he stood up, got dragged over backwards, fell flat on his face... then simply took off. No worries, she thinks, I can easily embarrass myself that much too... Instead, the blokio says quite loudly and clearly - 'OK, power walk forwards, then just jog'. Unfortunately the cliff ran out before Lucie did. With a terriffied scream she soared away from the admiring (sniggering) crowd and a bent over double husband, manfully trying to control his laughter enough to photograph the 'launch'...
Luckily after an initial shock, Lucie is happy to report that floating around in a big kite is a very effective form of transport! It was amazing! Even when the pilot laughed and began to spin it round in a huge circle at 2000 foot up and at G forces of over 5 (apparently quite a lot), it was just great!
Little Tiger is just beginning to trust us again - we haven't told him about our plans to sky dive.
We chose something a bit more sedate in the afternoon and set off to make our fame and fortune by panning for gold (Goooollllld, aaaarrrrr - please imagine in a vaguely Bristolian Piratic accent). While Lucie got bored after an impressive ten seconds, Dave showed his typical Scottish determination in the face of unbeatable odds at the prospect of financial gain, however tiny... and kept it up until... SUCCESS - he struck goooooolllllld, aarrrrrrr - in a lump of sand Lucie had thrown at him. Er, at the pan he was holding, that is. While perhaps not enough to fund an early retirement, he remains impressively proud of this achievement. Hmm. While the camera was not quite powerful enough to capture the image (Lucie - an electron microscope may not have been powerful enough...) we have retained the goooooolllllld, arrrrrrrr for posterity. And evidence.
(It's nearly over, but feel free to take a comfort break at this point)
After Queenstown we set off for Milford Sound, actually a fjord of gargantuan proportions- there is apparently some distinction between them?? Our great wildlife hunt continued and, while no elephants, the glow worms of Te Anau do now have a very special place in our memory... Being the first off the boat (beating children and the elderly out of our way) we went straight into the cave with the first group - importantly, before being shown an instructional video. The walk and cave boat ride to the glow worms grotto was stunning and the little critters really do glow! Neon turquiose in fact! It looked like a starry sky from about 2 inches away from your nose as the boat chappy got us right up close to the lil' bugs.
As we left with resounding calls of ahhhh, and how cute! We were settled in to watch the video. These glow worms are in fact some of the most ugly things on god's earth. Really utterly repulsive sacs of goo, that will gladly eat each other given even a quarter of a chance! Eeewwww. But the glowing thing is still good...
The best was yet to come. We set off nice and early for the stunning drive through the mountains to Milford Sound (sorry Dougie...). We had booked a little boat for a 2 hour cruise and it was great! We set off from the harbour, leaving the huge boats jammed full of South East Asian tour groups, in our wake. Our little tub (OK, big enough to hold 60) was almost empty as it was so flaming early - there were only actually about 20 people on the boat and we were the first to set off on the Sound. What could easily be one of the most touristy attraction in NZ was actually totally silent and peaceful. We even managed to cadge the pick of the seats, right at the front of the boat. After a few minutes Dave squeaked excitedly and pointed, drawing the attention of everyone to a small pod of dolphins in the distance. Being such a little boat, we were able to sail right up to them and we happily leaned right over the side, almost at touching distance to a group of about 10 little dolphins! They surfed alongside the boat, right underneath us, diving up and down for several minutes. Soooo cute!
Later in the trip our 'pick of the seats' backfired slightly as the boat driver got us 'up close and personal' with a 150 metre waterfall. They laughed at us from the glass screened cabin above as we bravely stayed the course. Too late to consider running in as everyone else had done at the warning (WHAT warning??). He came down to chat to us later and seemed impressed at our grit/survival. We didn't let on that we hadn't actually heard his warning...and would clearly have been the first inside if we had! At least our seats stayed dry. As we were kindly protecting them from the torrential water with our bodies. Still we dried off in about an hour. Of cold wind.
We're now in Kaikoura (after a mammoth 2 day drive up the country - mental note, avoid Lake Tekapo for a stopover. Nice and blue, yes. Complete hole, yes.)
Right, before you completely expire of reading fatigue we'll sign off and just say - keep the comments and messages coming, it's so great to hear from everyone - and obviously, to pretend we're popular!!
Lucie and Dave
xxx
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Emma Deegan
non-member comment
Impressed
luce i have to say, am very impressed and a little scared by the story of the big kite. am not surprised little tiger was afreered, poor thing,probably scarred for life. it all sounds so incredible, am very jelly tots. keep laughing at her dave, she deserves it!! can't wait to hear the next installment. xx