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Published: March 22nd 2011
The Celtic Tiger
Like its namesake it didn't last long!Being bored in Auckland is like trying to look cool while using a sedge way, a truly impossible state.
Two massive tattooed Maoris’ are walking past me clad in Irish rugby jerseys, laughing and already tucking into a beer at just after noon, by the sound of their laughing, it’s not the first beer they have enjoyed today.
Its paddy’s day and the entire of Auckland has caught Irish fever, the sport shops windows are sporting mannequins, normally dressed in All black jerseys next to pictures of Richie Mccraw now sporting Ireland jerseys and mug shots of BOD, nearly every person on the street is wearing something green be it a tie or in many cases a bucket sized leprechaun hat. Its surreal to see so many people so many thousands of miles away celebrating our national holiday.
The two of us decided to take a walk about the seafront and the town is buzzing, the bay hosting several flotillas of sailing boats and in all this hullabaloo I even managed to locate the Celtic Tiger, it costs 8 dollars, its served in a chilled glass and like in real life it can be consumed extremely quickly and
Auckland Marina
Some serious hardware docked here... probably leaves a horrible mess behind after its gone. The Bars are serving green coloured pints of Tiger Beer for paddies day and I thought it would be rude not to partake in one.
Paddy’s day has been a day of treats, just that morning we enjoyed a decent cup of coffee. New Zealanders although widely known for their fondness for rugby and the leisure pursuit of hurling yourself off a cliff with an elastic band tied to your feet, otherwise known as bungee jumping, are also very very keep on their coffee. Auckland for example has more coffee shops per head then New York which is a shocking statistic.
Their beer is also top notch, my favourite being Stein larger, especially when I found a lovely seafront bar that served the lovely liquid for only 5 NZ dollars a bottle. Needless to say we had a lovely paddies day,.
The following day it was aquarium time, Auckland’s Aquarium is known as Kelly Tarltons. Aquariums, god love them, just don’t have the same excitement of the zoo and are all too often are populated by lots of poor fish trapped in small tanks darting in fear
as lots fat children do the opposite of the what the aquarium signage dictates by thumping their fists against the glass or trying in vain to earn a Darwin award by shoving their fists into the shark and ray tank.. Auckland aquarium looks great on the brochure though and for a price you can even free dive in the shark tank or swim with the rays, the shark free dive however is unfortunately limited to qualified divers.
We caught the “Sharkbus” from the main street, the shark bus being a contraption that looks like something I would think up after one too many Steinlargers and probably would design should the Euro millions ever come my way, it being a car dressed up to look like a great white shark. Shark bus dropped us off at Kelly Tarltons and inside we went.
Tarltons highlights hit you once you get in the front door. This highlight in question being their 80 strong colony of penguins. Someone once said if you ever needed proof that god had a sense of humour then just look at the duck bill platypus, well he obviously had a bit of craic thinking up the penguins as
Pengiuns
And the award for worlds most unintentionally amusing animal goes to.... well as they are hilarious little fellas, the way they waddle about, pivot their heads and then suddenly leap awkwardly off the rocks into the water can have you in stitches, I could honestly watch them all day.
In contrast to their above ground gait and mannerisms they are a very different creature below the surface, whizzing around using their seemingly useless wings to turn on a sixpence at top speed. Niamh of course had to be carefully contained when watching the penguins and thankfully there was several layers of glass between her and the creatures, otherwise myself and the aquarium staff would have to prise one of the creatures from her grasp. Let’s just say Miss Power was showing all the happiness symptoms with lots of “Awwws”, excited hand squirming and loud giggling snorts of excitement.
Thereafter we saw a stingray the size of a wheelybin, Steve Irwin wouldn’t have had a chance and following that the shark tank which contained what the aquarium insisted was the extremely scary Sand tiger shark. The Tiger shark is a known man-eater, the second most dangerous shark to humans after the Great White and grows to about 6 metres
ANNDDREEWWW HE JUST NEEDS SQUEEZES!
Niamh checks out a sea turtle thankfully safe behind thick glass in length and recognisable by its blunt snout and blue striped pattern, hence its name.
The Sand tiger shark found in the aquarium, on the other hand, is a completely different fish, growing only to about 6 foot long and is completely harmless unless you really go about pissing it off. However due to the fact that it has the word “tiger” in its name people tend to get confused. Aquariums love sand tigers, the name sounds fierce, they easily adapt to captivity and despite the fishes docile deposition it looks really realty dangerous. Sand tigers have the classic shark shape and contour that makes swimmers soil themselves in fright and also a mouth full of really nasty looking teeth. You can also see Sand tiger sharks in pretty much every aquarium around the globe so they were a bit underwhelming,
More impressive was the preserved remains of a giant squid, an incredibly rare creature the world knows practically nothing about as they live down so deep, this one was about the size of a saloon car but from the scars found on Sperm Whales, the giant squids only predator, there are other tentacle monstrosities down there bigger
The Giant Squid
Calamari for several hundred people then buses.
Our time in New Zealand was nearing an end and it felt awful to have only stayed in Auckland and not gone exploring further field. We had originally planned to head to Wellington for St Paddies day, the capital , but unfortunately it was 9 hours away by bus and with only six days we felt we would be cutting it close to get there and back. The long bus journey through rural New Zealand would have also put us at risk of being ambushed by Orcs or possibly something even worse like Urak Hai so that was another reason to stay put in Auckland.
I was gutted; Peter Jackson lives in Wellington and Weta workshop, his special effects company, is also based there. Weta are the guys who did the effects for Lord of the rings, the King Kong remake and rumoured to be working on the Halo movie as well. Peter is legend, he began making home made films with his mates and went onto do the lord of the rings trilogy, using the money he pocketed from that he did a 3 and half hour remake of his and my favourite film,
King Kong . Being a crazed fan I originally had visions of me breaking into his house to steal a lock of his beard or should his home be equipped with security windows then I would have to suffice with sacrificing a goat on his front lawn in his honour. No doubt both these plans probably would have resulted in a restraining order and me swiftly being deported.Maybe next time.
We did however managed to book a ferry to Wahike island, a scenic island a short ferry trip away that contains some amazing vineyards and beaches that one normally sees on the front of postcards. We had a lovely walk, I had a cracking hoki burger and then we just lay on the beach for the day, this particular beach being nearly devoid of people. Blondie went for a walk while I sat with the gear and read my book, a real train wreck of a book I might add, but I wont bore you about it just now, lets just say the author somehow managed to combine Giant Squid, Antarctica and US and Russian special forces killing each other and manages to make it boring.
The beach
Auckland from the Sea
Nearly every building you see here is Bungee-able was amazing, the lukewarm breaking surf quietly masticated the coast, a thin layer of seashells lined the waters edge and all you can hear is the calls of seabirds and the drone of crickets in the dunes. A considerable number of boats nodded at anchor and an old man fished in his dingy while his golden retriever balances precariously on the bow wagging his tail at something in the water, it was almost a shame when the sun came down and the return ferry beckoned.
Our final day was unfortunately a functional one, booking accommodation in Thailand, our next destination and sorting out anti malarial drugs. While Niamh has gotten over her fear of earthquakes she is back to preparing for her old fear, food poisoning. 7 travellers have died in Thailand’s northern province of Chiang Mai from a horrific bout of food poisoning, a number of them are New Zealanders and the Kiwi government have issued a travel warning to all those heading to the land of smiles.
All of those unfortunate people seem to have stayed and eaten in once particular hotel but details are still sketchy. We were told to make liberal use of
disinfectant and ensure all food is cooked thoroughly. Niamh, already hugely into her hand sanitizer at the best of times, is now in overdrive so I would like to advise all of you at home to purchase share options in any South East Asian hand sanitizer firms as business is going to hit the roof once Blondie gets to Bangkok.
After nearly getting refused entry to the plane due to our lack of proof of onward travel we are en route to Thailand after a stopover and transfer at Sydney, Unfortunately we spent exactly 15 minutes on Australian soil and all of that was spent sprinting from one side of the airport to the other. Our exodus from the plane was not helped by fellow passengers taking several minute to remove items from the overhead luggage and even more time wasted deciding to stand in the aisles and stare vacantly at ceiling of the fuselage rather then making their way toward the exits.
In Auckland airport I also managed to pick up the worlds first airtonic beverage that promises to cure jetlag over long flights. I must admit the sales people for weird and wonderful Hydration drinks must
see me coming, once the sales girl began to go on about how it offers 6 or 7 times the hydration of regular water and showed me the bottle which looked like some sort of hi tech power cell I was like a vampire bat to an open wound. Niamh of course gave me lots of ribbing for what in here opinion was a “useless buy” but she was just jealous as she had to make do with regular water rather then my beverage that looks like melted down lightsabers. All I will say, it worked, nine hours of flight and I still had clear pee.
In flight movies are excellent, I’ve just watched The Reef, an Australian thriller about shipwrecked tourists getting graphically devoured by a Great White shark, this film really has me pumped for my Scuba diving course doing next week.
127 hours is a drama, based on a true story, about a caver who gets his hand buried under a boulder during a landslide and his attempts to survive. I won’t give anything away but it gets pretty harrowing. The cabin crew have just served the in flight meal during a scene where the
Wahike Beach from above
Great view to enjoy with a few Stienlargers unfortunate climber, suffering from thirst, is attempting to drink his own wee, really regretting asking for that warm ginger ale from the stewardess now.
Getting pretty restless in my seat and I keep fidgeting and knocking out Niamh’s earphones.
Hurry up plane…bring on Bangkok.
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