New Zealand begins.. all alone.

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Welcome to my world of hell. My plane is at 8.50am and I have to be there 3 hours before which means waking up at 5bastardoclock in the morning. Not only that but I didn't end up going to bed until about 1ish and I couldn't even sleep anyway because I was silently crying in bed in Dave's arms. He doesn't know that though. I hate knowing I'm never gonna get this again.. HATE it! So at 5am my alarm goes off and I'm pretty much already packed up and ready to go. So Zoe and Orla wake up, Dave is passed out because he took a sleeping pill so I shake him to wake him up. So he didn't come downstairs to wave me off or anything.. this was our goodbyes.. quick hug, cya later babe, couple of kisses.. the end. and that was it. That's probably the last time I'm ever gonna see him and all I get is that. I don't know whether he did that as a defense mechanism or just because he didn't really give a shit, which upsets me even more. I know he was half asleep but still! Thankfully Zoe came down with me to wave me off.. and then I broke down into tears. I literally just went off. I hate the thought of going travelling alone, I know a lot of people do it but when you go from having your close friends with you 24/7, and then stupidly end up in a mini relationship with a guy.. to NOTHING, it's the most gut-wrenching feeling ever. So the airport shuttlebus happened to be there when I checked out so it made sense to hop on. So I said bye to zoe, she went back to bed lucky cow. Her and Orla aren't leaving for Melbourne until tomorrow so they have one more night here.. which means they'll be spending most the day with Dave until he leaves, and I'm super jealous because I wanna be with them all 😞

When I get to the airport I'm a complete mess, a complete emotional mess. I can't stop wanting to cry and choking up and not knowing what to do with myself. I'm texting Zoe to make myself feel better and then I text Dave to send him a proper goodbye seeing as we didn't say much earlier. This only makes me feel worse because I just wanna be back in bed cuddling him, not waiting for this pissing plane. Then it gets delayed.. by TWO HOURS!!! I was absolutely fuming, I wasted valuable snuggle time to get a numb fucking arse sat on those seats for an extra un-needed 2 fucking hours. NOT HAPPY. Eventually once boarding the plane I of course am struck with the worst luck ever on my worst day possible and get landed next to the smelly guy and with the screaming brat sat behind me. Well this is going to be a LOVELY journey! I tried to switch off and sleep but it wasn't happening. So now whilst I'm typing I'm still surviving off 2 hours sleep last night and no food because I can't stomach anything. Yeah call me an idiot but I literally can't eat, my stomach is rumbling like hell but when I try and eat it I just wretch. I sound like such a fucking emo bitch but honestly this is all new to me. I've never had these kinds of feelings before. Eventually after the torturous plane journey was over, I managed to catch a shuttle bus to my hostel.

At least I thought it was my hostel. On my bookings it said confirmed.. but when I got there I WASN'T FUCKING IN THE BOOKINGS. AAAAAAAAAH. WORST DAY EVER! I had to go to a bastard internet cafe with a huge backpack on my back to get my reference number, and even once I told her it she still couldn't find me! Luckily she found another room for me, but my god if I was left stranded without a place to stay I think I would have actually just had a complete mental breakdown and jumped on the first plane back to Sydney. I got to my room and felt completely alone. There was no-one there, it was dark and I was just completely drained from crying so much. I know I sound like such a selfish cow because I'm the lucky bitch that's just arrived in New Zealand and gonna be touring around for the next 3 weeks none stop.. but when you have no-one to share it with it really is sucky. I know I'll meet people but right now the way I'm feeling I just want my friends. So I get into my room and just burst out crying and then look like some mental person walking around talking to myself because I have no-one else to talk to. I can't even ring Zoe or Marc because I've run out of credit and I can't top up my Oz sim card.. I have to buy a new NZ one! Wtf is that about UGH. Luckily I still have my old English sim card and give them a call through that.. I dread to see what the bill looks like at the end of the month! I think I'm just gona fuckit and buy a sim card, will work out much cheaper. Zoe and Marc can ring me for free. Dave however.. I cant contact at all coz he's in the middle of fucking nowhere and doesn't even have an internet connection. Orla I'll see again when I get back to Sydney which is good. Anyway yeah so I'm walking round the room talking to myself, and then my door opens.. thank god.. HUMAN PEOPLE! However I dread to think what went through their mind just then, because they said hi how are you and I just said 'SHIT' and broke down into tears again! OH dearrrrrr. Luckily they were super sweet girls and were like awww everyone has bad days etc, which is so true. This one just seems to get worse and worse though. I hope the rest of my trip doesn't go downhill from here.. So anyway now I'm just sat in my bed craving some d-cuddles and some lovin from my housemates and they're not here to give it. Gonna go shower and try and freshen my face up because I look like a corpse. So far my day in NZ has been poo.. lets hope things get better, my pesimistic ways are kicking in and telling me they wont but I hope someone out there will throw positivity my way.

Bye people xxxx

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