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Published: February 9th 2007
Well here I am...I'm finally in Australia, my final port of call...a place I now call home. Just gotta learn the language!
Australia's an amzing place. The first thing I noticed was how BIG it is. Australia's BIG. Actually, it's not just BIG it's HUGE-MONGOUS!!!! I flew in to Sydney from Kuala Lumpur on the 21st January and spent two weeks travelling up the east coast towards Brisbane, stopping off at Port Stephens, Port Macquarie, Coffs Harbour, Byron Bay and Noosa along the way.
Everywhere in Australia seems to be named after one of three things....Back in the 17-1800's
I imagine the early explorers who arrived here conquered different towns and decided to name them in one of the following ways: The homesick named them after where they came from in the UK; the arrogant named them after themselves and then there are the towns where Mr Early Explorer met Mr Aboriginal and following brief conversation rolled around laughing at the original place name, repeating the already repeating name over and over before exclaiming "there's no way we could name Wagga Wagga any better". That's why in Sydney you have Darling Harbour, Kings Cross and next door....Wooloomooloomooloo!!
Despite
threatening to arrive at the airport sporting a mullet; wearing boardies, a singlet and akubra (with compulsory dangling corks); a surfboard under one arm and a slab o' tinnies under the other loudly ordering "Hey, Sheila....take me grog and go get me ute, willya, ya flamin' mongrel!"....instead I turned up with a battered looking rucksack and the final stages of a rather annoying and prolonged cold! Man flu....but even worse, it was! The summer sun beating down through ozone-free sky soon cured that though.
I'd read a bit about Australia before arriving and I'd subconciously spent my childhood and teenage years researching the place via the reality tv show they call Neighbours. In fact, I hear it is sooo true to Australian life that no Australians ever watch it because...well, what's the point.... all you have to do is peek through your curtains and there's your very own Ramsey Street right before your eyes. More recently I've picked up tips on Australian language and communication skills from both Kath and Kim....again, set in Melbourne and as far as I can tell, they're not even acting. It really is like a fly on the wall documentary of any regular Melburnian
Sydney Opera House
Mickey Mouse's Albino friend!family. (Don't tell Nichole I said this....she'll call me a dumb wombat and kick me out, or something)
So I had a fairly good idea about Australian life before arriving - Everyone knows everyone in their street, perms are definitely IN and all kangaroos are trained in survival skills and can converse with any human, particularly the words "bush", "well" and "stuck".
However, much to my dismay, the first 'roo I was to see was roadkill. Dread to think what the front of the vehicle that hit him looks like, but Skippy was a right mess. The second kangaroo I saw (hopefully wasn't also the first one!) was dished up on my plate. What better way to celebrate Australia day (26th January) than by eating one of their national icons! Thankfully the third roo I witnessed was actually bounding through the outback....well...a field! (Oh, and for those of you interested, kangaroo meat is delicious!...and no, it's not like chicken, more like lamb!)
It wasn't just kangaroo I was desperate to see...there are loads of weird and wonderful creatures in this country, some weirder and more wonderful than others. There are also some I'm not so desperate to
Sydney Opera House
...or is it an ant's eye-view of a tyre? see...unless they're caged, behind glass or some other substantial barrier is preventing them from eating, biting or....I nearly wrote 'poisoning me', but that's not technically correct (is it?). Snakes are venomous, not poisonous, but I can't write 'venomenomenoming.....venomen...venoming me' cos that's ridiculous. I can't even say it so it can't be a word!
Anyway....while in Noosa, we went for a walk thruff (through) the National Park. There I was lucky enough to see a school of dolphins breaching the surface as they swam passed the aptly named Dolphin Point. Later I was lucky enough to see a Koala up a not so aptly named 'tree'. At the end of the walk I popped into the toilet, was just about to enter one of the cubicles when I saw a small spider crawling along the toilet wall. It wasn't particularly threatening but I thought I'd skip that cubicle and go into the next one. I walked in, closed the door behind me and AAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH, there in the corner behind the door was a huge hairy-legged huntsman staring back at me. Perfect place to crap myself...and that I did! Slammed the door shut and went straight for the urinal instead. Wasn't
Sydney CBD
And some fit bird!!! that desperate to blow my nose anyway! I'm sure I could hear the spider laughing as I peed.
Once I'd finished I was in a hurry to get outta there, so marched out keeping my distance from the cubicles and my eye on them at the same time until I was outside. AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!! As I took my eyes off the cubicles and forwards to where I was heading, I looked down and two feet away from me, on the path walking towards the toilet was a huge goanna!!! Although not quite so scary as the huntsman, it was still a bit of a shock to nearly step on a massive lizard!! My heart was racing and I nearly missed the amusing photo opportunity of the goanna walking into the toilet...just about got it and will upload photos soon!
Apart from weird animals, surfers, Vegemite, barbies and a national sport that sees players wearing a uniform that looks like it requires surgical removal after the game, Australia is home to
BIG THINGS. No, I don't mean Nichole and her 6'8" brother, I mean the Big Pineapple, the Big Prawn and Big Banana, to name but a few....also to name
Blue Mountains
They are mountains....coloured blue! but the only three I have seen so far. And quite frankly they're not as big or impressive as I was hoping. I thought, like Australia itself, they'd be HUGE!! My initial plan to see
ALL of Australia's BIG THINGS has fizzled out after seeing a less than impressive pineapple by the side of the road that was....well, bigger than a regular pineapple, but looks like it had seen better days. Perhaps when I was 5 or 6 it would have been fun. Maybe even at 7 I'd have given a gasp of 'wow' as it reared up on the horizon. Thinking about it, I reckon that up until the age of thirteen I would have found it 'cool', after that, not so cool! A bit like Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I wish I'd watched that when I was younger...then mabe I'd have enjoyed it. First viewing at 26....less than impressed.
Anyway, now I'm in Melbourne, having flown in from Brisbane last Sunday. I've not seen a lot of the town yet as I'm stuck out in the suburbs, car-less. The bad news is I don't have a job, the good news is Pin Oak Court, AKA Ramsey Street
I'm not Canadian...
I'm not from Canadia(sic)!!! is only 15 minutes away. The bad news is I can't be an extra on the show as I'm not a member of Equity, the good news is....ummm....I might bump into the Mighty Harold Bishop on the street and he can give me tips on how to wobble my double chin, look sternly and give a deep "d'aaahhhhhh, young Paaauuuul!" (I've not actually seen Neighbours for a good few years now!)
Right, well, I'd better be off. This is the end of my travels, but I'll probably add a few bits of history in every now and again. It's not always been easy to write and especially upload photos on the move. I've had a few complaints that there aren't enough photos...sorry....not my fault....I took plenty it's just that as it takes ages to resize them all and upload them I only bothered uploading the good ones....when I had time...and could be bothered. In fact, I may even continue blogging on this sight, assuming I get up to some exciting activities in Melbourne and the surrounding environs. Look forward to my forthcoming "I went to the zoo to see the monkeys", "Is Federation Square a geometrically accurate name?" and
"How
Great IS the Great Ocean Road" installments in the near future. I'm also toying with an amusing "What?....no Armitage Shanks?" episode too...
So, it's jobhunting for me now.... My Careers Advisor at school suggested I do something I'm good at and enjoy. Why did they include an
'and' in that sentence? I can't think of anything I enjoy that I'm actually good at and could make a career out of! If only I could get paid for writing sem-eye amusing blogs, which lack the quantity of pictures required for my audience! Sadly English and Art weren't my strong points at school....it was Maths! Oh joy!!
Things I have not mentioned yet:
* Australia's hot. I blinked and burned my eyelids last week.
* Laos is an amazing country
* I had a cold for most of my time in Malaysia
* I went to the Petronas Towers in KL and didn't even take a photo of them
* My hair had got quite long when I arrived in Oz. I had to wear a cap to hide it. It made me look American!
* Eucalyptus trees shed approx a ton of bark per annum. I don't
Big Banana
It's a banana and it's big! know whether that's an average sized eucalyptus and nor do I know why they do it...that's what Goole's for!
* In Cambodia a 7 year old girl knew more capital cities of the world than I did! Even Outer Mongolia's!!
* In Vietnam they only have 10 different words that can be used to name a hotel/guesthouse. Each hotel owner picks two at random and then adds any accents they like to them to create the hotel's name. Makes it confusing when Thanh Thanh is nextdoor to Thanh Thuy, which is opposite Thanh Tho!! My favourite was Phuc Dat, in Nha Trang. I think it was a shop though.
* In the Cameron Highlands most people spend longer trying to find the start of a trail than they do actually walking along the trail. Maps are not considered vital to Asian life!
* Billabong and Quiksilver are the National uniforms of Australia
* Australia is pronounced 'Stralia
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