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Published: September 17th 2006
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Putt-putt
The boys were kind enough to take some time out between the 14th and 15th to pose for this photo. Notice Loges flexing... again. Hello and welcome back to a very belated, very behind time, no doubt to be very unthorough and rushed through blog. I ask you all to hark your minds back to late July. As you will recall I had been battling away in the Gold Coast, working two jobs (ok, it was only like 25 hours, but still - I'm a vagabond. That's a lot for me), fraternizing with hot clientele at Cocktails & Dreams, and working on the early stages of a tan following the racial villification I copped from the Dutch girl (see "Surfin' Safari..."). So it came as a very pleasant relief when Virgin Blue loaded up a few of the boys from back home and sent them north to grace the sun, sand and sticky bourbon-covered dancefloors of the Golden Coast.
It was hugs all round when I met up with the boys at the (now) famous Condor Apartments in Surfers Paradise (the same was chosen by virtue of the fact that it shared it's name with a former Gladiator*). The boys were pumped, I was pumped, it was all happening. All happening that is till the boys decided it had been a long day and
Bodies in the sun
The Queensland Tourism Bureau asked me to take a few photos for their new advertising campaign in which they're targeting females aged 18-80. Here's a snap that I captured at Wet'n'Wild which will probably be coming to a Billboard near you very shortly. Note the strategically placed backpack that I cut and pasted into the shot after an embarrassing 'wardrobe malfunction' was spotted courtesy of Logo's very short and very revealing Glen Iris Under 13 Footy shorts. went to bed at 10pm, leaving me to sit up watching the Country Music Channel and sharing a beer with myself. Cheers boys.
It's amazing how a good night's sleep will breathe life into a bunch of fellas, and so, bright eyed and bushy tailed, we all headed off to our first Gold Coast excursion the following day. Now, people say there are certain things you have to do while in the Gold Coast: Sea World, Dream World, Movie World, take a ride on the AquaDuck, have a 3am slice of Pizza from New York Pizzaria after a night of getting blind, starting fights and being booted from nightclubs - you know, all those real 'Gold Coast' things. So, naturally, early Tuesday morning we headed off to Mermaid Beach Super Dooper 54 Hole Putt-Putt!!! Given the degree of competition involved it's not surprising that it was a spiteful encounter containing more Happy Gilmour quotes and sledges than you could poke a putter at. In fact, I think we our combined repertoire was exhausted by the 3rd hole meaning that original material was required (and not lacking might I add) for the following 51 holes. Anyway, after 54 of the
Simmo, Jase and Loges
Another snap from our action packed day at Wet'n'Wild. Comments have been made about the hat that I'm wearing in this picture. For example, Ange said that "it makes me look like a right twat" or words to that effect. As a man who is always keen for self-improvement and interested in constructive criticism I would be happy for readers to have their say. Please click on "add comment" to tell me weather or not I suit wooly hats with ear protection and tassles... best (and worst), seasoned golfing stalwart (courtesy of his "goofy pants and fat a*#@") Charles "The Investor" Logan came out on top, I was two shots off the pace, Munerz was a couple further back, followed by Jase, and bringing up the rear was Wognuts who admitted that "someone should have told (him) it's called putt-putt, not putt-putt-putt-putt...putt-putt...puttputtputt. Putt."
The following day we got back on the more 'traditional' tourist route and journeyed out to Wet'N'Wild. Now to be perfectly honest I wasn't overly pumped for this outing but it's amazing how zooming down waterslides can bring out the inner child in us all. It was just like those Macca's ads where the kids pop out of the adults bodies. I know the question you're all asking and the answer is yes, Wognut's inner child DOES have a beard. So we all had a ball at Wet'N'Wild, till we got kicked off our favourite ride for being way too Xtreme for the attendant's liking. My advise to anyone heading to the Gold Coast, find yourself a bunch of fat guys and go on Mammoth Mountain - it rocks!
Despite the fact that there's no doubt that the boys do their best work during daylight hours, it would be remiss of me not to mention that we had some good circuiting too. In fact, their still rebuilding the podiums at 'Cocktails' and 'The Bedroom' after Logo single-handedly ground them down to ground level. After that bloke was finished the dancefloor looked like the square at Waverly park in the middle of 1991. The big fella was fantastic with his 'double pot twist' featuring his intermittent 'DJ scratches' which he has a knack of throwing in at just the right time to work the music. Meanwhile Jase danced like a large breasted girl with a fetish for clicking, Woggies bounced away like a marionet, I continued my Guy Sebastian like footwork with the odd 'fist pump', all the while looking around just to check who was watching, and Munerz... well, Munerz sat on a stool sipping on G&T's.
On the Friday Ange made her way up to the GC and spent the last couple of days with us at Condor. It was a Baptism by fire for the poor young girl from Liverpool who was stuck in the middle of private jokes, toilet humour, 6 days of filth in the uncleaned apartment and at least one 'Under Siege' Tournament (I'm not even going to explain 'Under Siege' for fear that I'd be forced to beat myself up for being such a nerd). Possibly the hardest thing for Ange was coming to terms with the way that every time she walked in the room the boys, in unicen, would shout, "WWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFF!!!" It took some careful explaining on my part that this was an 'AFL thing' refering to former Carlton backman Ange Christou who's raking left foot prompted his adoring Blues fans to shout WWWOOOOOFFFFF every time he disposed of the ball. By the end of the explanation I was sweating like a pig, and ready to defend myself, fortunately her rage had subsided and I think she saw the funny side. Anyway, despite this and other similar such communication difficulties I think she had a good few days and got along well with the boys. I think.
Well that briefly sums up the Gold Coast but still doesn't bring me much closer to Cairns (where I am currently). I might try to churn out one more entry today so that I can kinda fill you all in on where I'm at now. Anyway, I hope all's well wherever you may be in the big wide world.
Take care and happy putt-putt,
Simmo.
* Note that Tower Apartments, Flame Resort, Vulcan Sands and The Mike Whitney Hosel were all booked out
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loges
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cut and haste
As i suspected, the backpack cut and pasted in that photo still didn't do the intended job. May I suggest a surfboard, or a caravan of some description. PS. You'd flex too if you had a mouse checking out your cleavage!