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Published: October 30th 2010
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LIFT OFF!! ....Under
Thoughts From A Plane
Before we even got on the plane there was what we believed to be a problem with my visa. The first thing I thought was, “what did I do/leave behind in Ireland.” My second thought was, “well it was only a matter of time before I ended up on the no fly list.” Turns out everyone has to get a phone call to Australia to confirm you VISA, so no big deal. We didn’t get a chance to rock the red carpet lounge, so we kept our passes for another day, though I was looking forward to be being called sir and pampered for the first time in my life.
For some reason I always do some intimate thinking on planes, my best guess is that I’m usually awake and have too much on my mind and no one to share it with but a piece of paper and a pen. I think I would have been financially successful in a world where you can only trade and barter for goods like in the movies Water World or Madmax Beyond Thunderdome. The only thing standing between me and the lady from New Jersey’s
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Morning Sunrise sleeping pills is Tara snoring. I used to envy people’s ability to sleep anywhere or anytime. When I want to, I can sleep on a pile of shit and nails, but sleep doesn’t come easy to those whose heart is like a radar, always on alert, searching for something to make it beep. After years of finding love, music, fun, happiness and adventure, I’ve come to understand one simple thing, I’ll always be the guy trying to find the next fun thing, while most people are busy hoping that it comes to them in a dream.
Two things to remember on a flight to Sydney: drink carts have no mercy for your barefoot toes. I can’t wait to limp around Sydney with 3 toes on my left foot. Secondly, don’t put red wine and a cup of sunflower seed remains within 20ft of Tara’s flopping sleeping arms. At first I was concerned about the mess we had created and then I remembered my toes. Have you also ever noticed that airline bathroom floors have sparkles on them in order to try and hide the urine spots because they’re no one on board to clean up the pee pee we
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That's a long damn way to fly by the way all leave behind in our drowsy states of mind? You don’t really want your attendant to do it cause they’re gonna serve you food and drinks later and unless they have handy wipes available I wouldn’t trust the airplane water to be very sanitary. Really airplanes are flying explosive toilets with uncomfortable beds and movies you’ve already downloaded on some sort of filesharing program. Thank god we’re catching internet copyright thieves instead of child molesters and the wall street mafia over at Goldman Sachs.
My plot to join the mile high club was once again thwarted. Economy class on Aer Lingus has headsets with movies and games and bathrooms big enough for a small disco party. United airlines Business Class is basically 3 extra inches of room and toilets made for people with the same measurements as a Barbie or Ken doll. The food on airplanes is always top notch, probably cause it’s 98% salt.
Sleep has been nothing short of a joke today. Tara’s ability to sleep anywhere and for dubious amounts of time is amazing. She could probably sleep through child birth. Seriously she’s a Grizzly Bear in January. As I wait for the sunrise with adolescent
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Jesus Conor didn't get enough at the wedding? like giddy enthusiasm , I have been searching for a tune to watch the sunrise come up too from the airplane window and settled on Neil Diamond’s, “Solitary Man.” Come on horizon, give me my sunrise.
The sun is finally peaking it’s way through the windows in the form of a thin golden line out the left side of the plane, like a child colored the border around the grayish red clouds in her coloring book with a yellow crayon. It’s moments like this where I am inundated at the beauty of such things and I understand people in history’s need to believe and create explanations for how this all is and happened., to justify the way the feel and what they are experiencing. I’m going to skip all that nonsense, and just be.
Breakfast came and they attempted to give us a fat free meal. I still plan on keeping my workout routine here, but the motto of the trip will be, “extra fat please.” Tara scored a breakfast bloody mary, so I must counter with a breakfast whiskey soon. Looking up at the travel board I see we are landing in 25 minutes. My stomach is
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I always do in knots and cramps. When I was a kid I mistook this feeling for fear and nerves. Now it is my joy. It means the unknown is upon me and I can’t wait for it.
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