Boys

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Boys in the 9-12 age group follow much different rules than the rest of society. Based on my close observation of this subgroup over the last five weeks, I can now offer you the following examples:

1. The amount of fun derived from kicking a soccer ball in the air increases in direct proportion to the number of elderly adults sitting within a three foot radius.
2. The busier the street, the closer you must walk to the curb.
3. Anything hanging over your head while you walk, including tree limbs and sun shades, must be swatted.
4. There is no such thing as having to go the bathroom a little bit. Either you are fine, or it’s a HUGE EMERGENCY AND YOUR BLADDER IS GOING TO BURST ANY SECOND!
5. You are required to practice your skateboard jumps and turns when the sidewalk is really crowded.
6. You must make one joke about a bodily function every hour that you are awake, and two when your parents are tired.
7. When touring an art museum, you must tell your parents how boring and stupid it is at least once every 10 minutes.
8. Sleep must be resisted at all costs.
9. The main reason for learning a new language is to learn a new set of swear words.
10. You must take off your smelly shoes and wave them around whenever you sit near your parents.

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