Tears in REI

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I was standing between the climbing gear and the headlamps in the overwhelming REI store and I could feel the panic coat my stomach lining and the edge of my esophagus. I looked down at the cart full of great stuff that I would be able to use and enjoy many times over and I tried to keep the panic from coming out from my eyes. It wasn't just the money that was bothering me. My feet were killing me (my fault seeing as I tried walking around with a loaded pack in heels for longer than I should have) and I was anxious about a conversation I was supposed to have with a man I'd never met before. I tried to put a smile on my tired cheeks and lighten my eyes as well I could for my mom but after the long day at work I'd had and this sick feeling that was growing I hurried her over to the cash register and tried to get out of there as fast as I could. As my credit card processed I silently pleaded that it would go through. Approved.

I wrote a letter to a friend in distress today where I told her that if she was unhappy where she was, it was okay to leave. Her unhappy facebook status' mounted and her disappointment with Australia was evident. I thought back to my days in Madrid where I forced myself out of bed in the morning (or late afternoon). I told her she had nothing to prove to anybody by staying in a place where she wasn't happy. I think it was good advice. I figured back then that staying in Madrid would teach me something down the line that would be useful. I haven't found it yet.

I spoke to Mike Bohnen today on the phone (after Grandma's notoriously persistent phone calls about how I had to speak to this man about my Birthright trip) after begrudgingly playing phone tag. He was very courteous and professional on the phone. It was very clear that he was a busy man -- a busy man making time for a girl he'd never met before. He asked me a few quick technical questions and the dates that I was hoping to travel to Israel this year including the trip I was interested on going on and asked that I send him an email a couple of weeks before the sign-up day to remind him. He said he would try to help!

I was invited to Ireland by my boyfriend. No words besides, Dream come true...

Is it okay that so many good things happen to one person at one time? I mean, I know I've had my fair share of rocky roads and tumultuous decisions but I can't help but worry about all the positive elements in my life. I hesitate even to write it because it sounds so pessimistic (pathetic?) but, I can't reason my mind out of those thoughts.

ps. really bad pms this month...

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