Battle of Independence

---

Frustration is writhing. In attempts to dissuade my inevitable angst I have been playing Christmas music all day. But if that damn door opens one more time and makes those chimes laugh annoyingly one more time ...

Independence is a funny thing. You have to fight to get it, fight to keep it, fight to feel it and fight to share it. I'm just so angry.

( 1 hr later - after a slightly reassuring text from my mother)

Maybe it is a lack of confidence in my judgment. Maybe I feel like I made one grave mistake and that has therefore clouded all my future decisions -- I should know that it is to the contrary: My awareness for danger is heightened and so my decisions are already made more cautiously. I feel like overall I need to have more confidence in my ability to live strongly and smart. I am indoctrinated with the doubt from my parents whose over-cautious theme in life has caused me many more stomach aches than have ever been necessary. But it's my responsibility to know that I don't have to live my life for anybody else or by anybody else's standards. I should know that my standards are exactly and precisely perfect for me -- mistakes or not.

Part of me wonders if I'm traveling in attempts to grasp my dream of leading an unconventional life -- and to prove to my family that unconventional works for me.

Nah.

My boyfriend is taking me to Ireland for New Years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can we please focus on how incredible that is????

---