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After 20 days and more than 230 miles, certain things can start to wear on a person. So, in the interest of your entertainment and our therapeutic benefit, we'd like to present Honeymoon's and Short Stick's list of the top ten things we hate right now. And, just like the amps of the legendary band Spinal Tap, this top ten list goes to eleven.
11. POISON IVY
Not such a big problem until we reached Duncannon, poison ivy has choked certain parts of the trail ever since. We have avoided any major outbreaks, though we both have a few spots that we're pretty sure qualify. On the upside, this has led to several in-depth conversations beginning with the phrase, "Hey, what does this look like to you?"
10. KNOW-IT-ALL HIKERS
Fortunately, we have not encountered too many of these, either. But when we do, boy are they annoying. The unofficial motto of the A.T. is "Hike your own hike." Most hikers take this motto to heart; some do not. For instance, the other day a pair of thru-hikers saw our 3 oz. bottle of camp soap and began to ridicule it as a "section-hiker special." Thanks, guys, but we'll carry the extra three ounces, and you can carry your own stench and some dirty cook pans.
9. CATERPILLARS
I know what your thinking. Caterpillars? You mean those cute, fuzzy, harmless little critters that transform into beautiful butterflies? Yes, those caterpillars. At first, we were charmed as well. But after several days of brushing them off our packs, our clothes, and ourselves (as well as accidentally squishing them and getting their juices all over ourselves), their cute factor has long since worn off. A specific kind of black caterpillar is especially profuse (we're told that they become gypsy moths, which are a pest that Maryland and Pennsylvania are currently trying to suppress--so there). They like to hang their silk strands right across the trail so that they catch on the bills of our hats and dangle back-and-forth as we walk. They haven't been as bad for the past few days or they might be higher on the list.
8. UPHILL
True, this sort of comes with the territory when you're hiking. Many of the mountainous sections of the A.T., however, choose to charge straight up a steep grade without switchbacks, leaving us gasping and wheezing, having to stop every ten feet to catch our breath. At least, that's how it seems.
7. PEOPLE WHO TALK AT US, INSTEAD OF WITH US
An incredible number of people we've met (both hikers and non-hikers) have been what you might call "conversationally-challenged." One hiker, Bunz, describes this as the difference between people who listen and people who just sit and wait for their turn to talk. So when we tell a hiker we're from Oklahoma and he says, "I drove through Nebraska a few years ago..." and then goes on to talk about being snowed in for days in Wyoming, we tend to just nod and walk away. On the other hand, non-hikers who hear we're hiking the A.T. like to impress us that they have some knowledge of the trail, however limited. So they'll say something like, "Yeah, my wife's got a cousin who lived in Georgia about 50 miles from the Appalachian Trail. He said he drove past a sign for it once." Wow, that's fascinating. See you later.
6. POORLY BLAZED SECTIONS OF TRAIL
The A.T. has a reputation for being one of the best-marked trails in the country. For the most part, it is pretty easy to follow, with white blazes every hundred feet or so. Occasionally, however, we'll stumble into a clearing with no clear path in front of us, and there are no blazes anywhere. Or we come to a "T" in the trail and there are white blazes...leading in all three of the possible directions. These confusing sections have caused us to lose 15 or 20 minutes at a time on a few different occasions, from walking in the wrong direction and then having to backtrack. Seriously, how hard is it to paint an extra white mark on a tree?
5. DOWNHILL
That's right, folks. Downhill is worse than uphill. Especially when it's steep. Or when it's rocky. In Pennsylvania, it's usually both. Where uphill taxes the lungs and the leg muscles, downhill destroys the knees, ankles, and feet. It takes an extra special toll on Honeymoon's healing (but still sore) Achilles tendon. Plus, anytime the trail goes downhill, it's a sure bet that it will be coming back up sometime soon. For a discussion of why that's no good, see #8.
4. SORE FEET
Sure, our legs hurt. And our backs ache. And our knees, hips, ankles, shoulders, and even arms (from using the trekking poles)--all have their own special kind of soreness. But none of these hold a candle to the pain of our poor feet. After a day of hiking, it feels like King Kong's given us each an extra vigorous foot massage. We just can't wait to take off our boots, put on our Crocs, and have a few hours of respite before we start all over again.
3. BITING INSECTS
We've begun to feel that, like the poor, insects will always be with us. Whether we're on the trail or at a shelter, walking or sleeping, cooking or eating, there is no escape from the insects. Mosquitos, horseflies, and sweat bees are a constant presence, leaving little red bumps and welts wherever they can. But the most persistant and bothersome insects are the gnats. They especially like to attack while we're hiking, and they seem to have an affinity for the ears, nose, eyes, and mouth. No matter how much Deet we spray on ourselves, it won't stop some devoted gnat from going all kamikaze and dive-bombing into an ear, leaving us slapping ourselves in the head and wondering whether it flew away or just got trapped somewhere in there and died.
2. THE HEAT
The weather wasn't bad at all until this past weekend. In fact, for a few nights back in May, we actually got kind of cold. So much for that. Just two and a half days of temperatures in the upper-90s has rocketed "The Heat" all the way up to #2 on our list. And if that weren't bad enough, the humidity has been through the roof, too. We've been getting up by 6 a.m. (at the latest) every day to try to avoid it. Even then, after an hour or so of hiking, our clothes are completely drenched with sweat. Sweat beads up on our faces, necks, and arms, until our bandanas are dripping wet from wiping it away. Heat like this makes almost every other factor worse, and it makes everyone irritable and on-edge. We have to filter water twice a day just to keep hydrated. And to think: we assumed that by avoiding the Southern half of the trail, we would avoid the worst of the heat. Ha! So much for that. We might as well be in Oklahoma.
1. ROCKS
Nothing is worse than the rocks. We always heard about "the Pennsylvania rocks," and PA has delivered in spades. Ask an A.T. hiker about the trail in Pennsylvania, and it's a sure bet one of the first three words out of his mouth will be "rocks." From gigantic boulders to sharp little ankle-turners, PA has it all. When we stumble onto a few hundred feet of trail composed mainly of dirt, it feels like we're walking on clouds. But it's almost guaranteed that a field of boulders is just around the next bend. The rocks are the biggest contributing factor to #4, and they make #5 and #8 a heck of a lot worse. In many stretches, it seems like whoever blazed the trail was intentionally leading hikers over a bunch of boulders, instead of around them. As far as the little rocks: Bill Bryson, in his book about the A.T., wrote that Pennsylvania made him feel like God had decreed that all rocks must be placed in the ground with the pointy side facing up. We know what he means. After you've stepped directly on top of a sharp rock for the hundredth time in one day, it's hard not to think that there is some cruel intelligence behind it all. We could go on for hours about the rocks, but surely you get the point. We've only got 40 or 50 miles of Pennsylvania left, but it's supposed to get worse before it gets better. Anyhow, our hiker pal Daisy has persuaded herself that since everyone goes on about the PA rocks, once we get to the New Jersey line, all the rocks will suddenly disappear. For the sake of our morale, we've decided to adopt this belief ourselves.
Hope you all have enjoyed this little entry. We certainly had fun composing it. And, though we did spend quite a bit of time hashing out the particulars, rest assured that we could write an equally long and descriptive list of all the things we love about the trail. It just wouldn't be as funny. Or as helpful to our psychological well-being.
A more detailed, day-to-day entry (complete with pictures) will drop tomorrow.
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Glen Gebhart
non-member comment
I feel your pain
I was thinking about both of you yesterday as I was mowing and sweating (at least I wasn't having to walk on rocks). Actually it was only in the 70's today, but I noticed PA was having a heat wave. I agree that the downhill can actually be worse than the uphill climbs. It was great talking with you. Enjoy the experience.