Published: August 3rd 2012July 16th 2012
16th July Joe's birthday !!! Big day planned. Rent a car and head to the Grand Canyon and the Hoover Dam to be followed by a big night casino hopping and hopefully proceed to get joe so paralytic that he wets himself or sleeps in a fountain. Rich has earned himself the title of "fun police". Carl, Steve, Joe and myself are happy playing with a ball in the room and jumping from bed to bed but Rich is such a debby downer. He needs to up his game if he's going to uphold his membership in our wolf pack. It is interchangeable if people don't uphold a standard of immature silliness throughout the stay in Vegas. Up early and off to Hertz in order to get our car. Our luck was in. We managed to get a car upgrade as the car we had booked was unavailable. We got a Cadillac escalade. This was a big mother of a SUV. 6 seats and a lot of messing around room. Unfortunately I wasn't in a messing around mood. My throat was killing me, my uvula had swollen up to twice its size and swollen glands. I was praying it would go
away and not turn into tonsillitis which is what I had a few months ago. Joe was the first driver of this epic machine. He drove it pretty well, and believe me I wouldn't want to drive to get out of las Vegas. Congestion and awful drivers are present everywhere. 2 1/2 hours later we arrived. When we got there it actually came to light that we actually had to buy pass to get through to the edge of the canyon. $40 it cost to get through onto the bus to take us to the Canyon. Absolute rip-off. Either way we pay the $40 and got on this bus that was a short 10 minute ride to eagle point to where we would get a good view over looking of the grand canyon. It's so much bigger than any others thought it would be. It's hard to put into words the velocity and epicness this huge crack in the ground would bestow upon us. Of course we got our pictures. Rich got about 500. We got our silly photos too. Rich got one completely naked facing the canyon but got told off for straying to far away as we were
all in rattle Snake territory. The grand canyon is the last place you want to be bitten by a snake. It is in the middle on no where. Check the pics to see. There was one obese women who looked about 15 that casually walked to the edge of the canyon and stepped over the edge, or that's what it looked like. Me and rich literally thought she was about to take the 4000 ft drop to probably make the grand canyon a little bit deeper. Little did we know she hopped onto a small ledge just out of sight to the public. She must of been before and have the balance of a cat. Richard and I kept our distance as we were a touch hungover and tired which made our balance that of the three year old girl. Once all pictures were taken we got onto the bus and then back to our mean machine. I was pretty ill by this point so I went straight to sleep. I told rich about the joke where if one person falls asleep in the car everyone should shout as if you were crashing and get the driver to break. They
kinda got me 1st time with me waking up and grabbing the seat but the 2nd and 3rd time I just battled back by coughing around them. Michael 1, rest of the car 0. On arrival to the Hoover dam the Chinese tourist in our car got out and went into his element. Leaving his camera at the hotel and not having a phone, guess who's phone memory took a massive hit and got 9 of the same photos of each and every angle. It was cool and architecturally brilliant but a couple of pictures is enough. Driving back down the Vegas strip looking like the 5 whitest boys in the states trying to look G by playing a load of gangster beats. Init bled. Onto joe's birthday. First thing was first. Get me some strepsils for my throat. Secondly, get joe a badge and a silly hat. We could only find a pink happy birthday Sachet. And then a pink tiara, good enough. We, as usual We headed down to our hotel casino to order the strongest drinks possible. We all started off with a shot of tequila and managed to get the waitress to make a special extra
strong couple of cocktails for Joe. I had a taste and did not want to be Joe tonight. Onto the New York New York casino as they bring drinks quicker and have lower stakes on black jack. However, on the way we find two girls messing around on a statue of some penguins. We were very used to silly statue manoeuvres so we enquired and long story short took them under our wing and onto our night out. The quick waitresses did there job and rendered Steve and Karl useless and pretty illiterate. They took themselves to bed and the three others stood strong. We managed to get both girls to give Joe cheeky kisses as it was his birthday. I got a few pictures but pretended like my phone was playing up so they had to hold the kiss pose for quite a while. Twas funny. We headed to the club/bar in our hotel which for girls to get in was free with also a free bar. For guys it was $20 for entry and extortionate drinks. We were blitzed so not too much of a big deal. Pretty much as soon as we got in Joe made a B line straight too the loo. Of course the inevitable happened. Chunder Dragon o clock. The lucky lucky man (guy selling smellies and lollipops in the loo) got on his walkie talkie to the bouncer. A mountain of a man turned up ready to escort joe out. I dont know how but Rich and myself managed to convince this guy he wasn't sick and he was ok. Shortly after we were all too messed up to do anything. Even the girls who said they had driven in. We couldn't let them drive so as the English gents we are we said they could stay in our room. We were hoping at least Joe was going to get lucky but as soon as we got to the room one of the girls flopped to the floor where Steve was sleeping and the other in the bed where Karl was passed out. With complaints of my snoring being too bad and my throat almost closed up and got a strepsil, my hoodie and sweat pants along with a pillow and took myself off to sleep in the bath. A decision I would regret in the morning. Joe had a bed to himself and rich slept on top of my suitcase.