The Endless Weekend (or, "We are Indestructible Drinking Gods") part1

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Thursday: At midnight, our friend Whitney turned 21. That should've been all the encouragement we needed, but there was the added incentive of the Beer Olympics weekend. Whitney and Brion's roommate, Alyssa, invited a ton of their college friends down to the Cape for sun and debauchery. They started to arrive during the day and early evening when Whit and I were tending bar. I got my first hint at the trouble this weekend was going to cause when my cousin Brion texted me and asked if it was ok if he and Dave could come in for a drink. For those who are unfamiliar with that situation, although Dave is one of my best friends, he was under a temporary ban from the Fairway for his actions on St. Patty's Day. That's a story for another blog. Needless to say, since the least offensive thing he did that night was faceplant through a table, I'd say everyone needed a break. But this weekend was gonna be good, so, since I was managing, I lifted the ban. He and Brion came in after having already been drinking for a bit. Immediately shots of Jägermeister were ordered and consumed. I noted that, since he'd stopped coming in, no shot of Jager had been sold. Tequila soon followed. Alyssa and her girls arrived, and away we go....
It was decided that we would not go far, just across the street to the grand opening of Arturo's, a new restaurant and bar. The place was jammed! Nothing brings Cape Codders out like a new watering hole. I arrived before the crew, having just gotten out of work and walked right over. They were still pre-gaming, and waiting for midnight when Whitney would be legal. That was ok by me, I knew some people there and was chatting when all of a sudden i was attacked! The crazy cougar lady from Tuesday night (see previous blog for details) materialized out of the crowd and remembered me. She asked me for some of the shirts I sell. I asked if she had money this time, to which she replied in a drunken scream: "I got these!!!!" At this point, she pulled down her tube-top shirt and flashed me her boobs. Being polite and having been raised right, I said thank you, but that wasn't gonna cut it. Seeing my friend Clarky, I thought maybe i could disengage from the Cougar and slip into his conversation. He immediately sensed my dilema, as the Coog (short-hand for Cougar) followed me over. Instead of coming to my rescue, he formally introduced me, and was quick to add inflated stories of sexual prowess to encourage her for his amusement. (Thanks bud.) Witnessing all of this was a group of "Smart Chicks" I went to high school with. I escaped for a bit. Dave arrives with Brion and the girls, and everyone is pounding beers. The a.c. broke and it was a thousand degrees inside. We retreated to the porch. I'm sorry to report that we couldn't take pictures of the night as I locked my camera inside work. There is an artist's rendition of the Coog though (see photo) to protect other potential victims.

Closing time and the Cougar is really sizing me up for one final pounce. She yells at me, and I quote (as this will forever be emblazed in my memory): "Do you REALLY love Cougars or are you just a p---y?!!" I was shocked into silence, not so much from the declaration, but from the fact that a woman that drunk could make the feline connection in her punchline. Bravo, lady. Coog 1- Justin 0. She flashed us again and then made a cowboy "Yeeeehaw!" I was too shocked to be scared. Alyssa finally came to my aid by claiming to be my girlfriend. That proved to be like garlic to a vampire; she left in a a hurry. We went back to the cottage (home base for the weekend) and played beer pong and flip cups. All and all, a satisfying start to the weekend.

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Photos

Back in the Saddle at the Fairway
It's like he never left.

Artist Rendition of the Cougar
A public service message

Comments

[Jay]

is alyssa still hot? I miss her boobs in my passed-out face

[Beccy]

You guys are f ing hillarious!
Now it all makes sense. We shoulda hit up the Fairway first but it sounds like those guys woulda been in (not so) rare form by then. Anyways, we need to have a re-do this Thursday, promise we won't let the cougar attack! Although I bet it was pretty entertaining! haha can't wait for the next entry!

[anonymous]

you need to start posting again!