Miami, Florida - American Adventures 2014 (Part 2 of 8)

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To be honest I didn’t have that many adventures in Miami because I was busy in business. I knew the fun times would happen in Brazil. I spent 8 weeks in Miami in total, some of it living with a friend, some of it leaving in hostels on Miami Beach.

I was helping my friend out with IT support and one of the advantages of going into his building was that they had a gym. I soon realized that not many people used the gym … you have to ask the receptionist for the key, go open the gym, come back and give the key back, then go back and shut the door. It was a small and amateurish gym, however it was better than nothing. After a few visits I was sure that nobody else would be using it so I started to workout with less and less clothes, until eventually I was benchpressing butt-nekkid. This went on for a while and then 1 day as I was huffing and puffing for my last rep, I saw a red light flash at the far wall … yep, there was a security camera there watching me all this time. I’m prancing around like a caveman and there’s video footage being recorded. Now I knew why the girl at reception used to look at me in a strange way, all the cameras send the feed onto her screen … it didn’t bother me, I carried on …. Caveman Etch.

Although the trip was mainly business, I had social fun times now and again. This one time we went to the birthday party of a guy I met back in 2004 during my first trip to Miami (who didn’t recognize me anymore). Now this guy is smart and has enough cash to burn … let’s just say there were maids at the party, 5 super-expensive sports cars in the garage, table tennis in the lounge and much more. I was doing my best to mingle in and when it wasn’t working I just went inside to sit on the sofa and stare at people. Suddenly there’s a cheer outside so I go and see what it is …. It was time to cut the birthday cake. I gave off a little cheer myself at the same time as the others so nobody would hear me, and then I did my ‘phone-wallet-key’ check to find I didn’t have my phone. Figuring it would have slipped out of my pocket on the sofa, I turned around and ran back through the patio doors ….. BANG …. I actually ran into the glass door of what would probably be $10k doors. This is the 1st time in my life I have ran into a glass door. Trying not to look like a fool I just laughed it off saying “oh why would somebody close the door?” then trying to find the door handle and failing. The person behind me then grabbed me and moved me 2 feet to the right and pointed to an open space and said “that’s where you walk through” … I went in, got my phone, and looked at the floor for the rest of the night (which didn’t last much longer).

It was time for me to experience hostel life on South Miami Beach. I was excited, I booked my hostel, packed my bags, said goodbye to my friend and off I went. As I was in the middle of my journey I looked at my phone and realized something … I booked the hostel for the wrong week. It wasn’t today I booked it for, it was the following week … what a numpty. Luckily there was enough room for me that day so I wasn’t homeless (that time).

Hostel life was awesome, however not as awesome as it could have been. You see, I was in work mode and coming home at around 11pm then heading out to South Beach and chilling out by Ocean Drive where all the action is. I’d go to the hostel and want to sleep instead of mingle, then wake up and head to the office. Occasionally I socialized. There was this one girl who looked like she’d started clubbing since she popped out of her mother … she was fun for sure but just went clubbing every single day … and I mean every single day. It was funny because I’d be jumping from hostel to hostel and I’d always see her, she’d be jumping hostels at the same time and that was her life for the past 6 months, spending a week at each hostel, clubbing then moving around. I didn’t hit a single club while I was there, they don’t interest me anymore … the loud noise hurts man.

I met some wonderful people during my stay on South Beach (shortened to SOBE). I can’t put into words how amazing it was to stay there … I’d defo love to have a pad somewhere on the island. If you go to Miami Beach check out Southe Pointe, it’s not well-known and it’s a beautiful chillout spot at the south-east end.

The first hostel I stayed in was the cheapest and you could tell why … bed bugs, too many rules, getting told off to be quiet, not allowed to sit outside after 10pm. This was the only hostel that wouldn’t let you in without a passport, no other ID would do. When I first when there I made sure I had everything, copies of copies and copies of copies of copies. After a few weeks I was in the office and I booked that place again for that night. I left the workplace at around 11pm, hoping that it wasn’t too late to get a bus to Miami Beach. The way the office works is that after 6pm everything shuts down …. You can exit each door but you can’t get back in. So as I leave and head to the bus station I realize I left my passport in the office. It’s very late and I’m concerned they won’t let me in at this hostel. As I wait for the bus I decide to call them to explain what’s happened and that it should be ok because I was there 3 weeks ago and they have a copy of my passport in their system. What did they say? “Nope, no passport, no entry” … so I told them I’m coming anyway. First I went back to the office building as there was a Spanish-speaking night cleaner I saw mopping the floor. I knock on the door and she looks at me, I explain that I need her to let me back in and she just refuses and carries on mopping. I start getting angry then and remember all the bad things to say from my Spanish-speaking days … I can’t remember the last time I’ve done that to somebody … it wasn’t nice but I was desperate to get into the building. After a while I thought she was going to call the cops so I left, got on the bus and walked to this hostel. I went in and asked if they were really going to kick me out on the street at midnight and they said “of course, no passport, no entry” …. “but I gave you my passport a few weeks ago” …. “no passport, no entry” … “ah f*ck it” and I left.

I had a play up my sleeve. 2 weeks prior I stayed at this hostel that doesn’t use keys. Each room has a keycode and I’d saved the code for my room on my phone. Every few weeks they change the codes but maybe …. Just maybe. When I stayed in this place I didn’t sleep on the bed, they had a little sofa there which I turned into my bed. So if all beds were taken I could just sneak in and sleep on the sofa, nobody would ever know I didn’t pay. Off I go to the other end of the island to this hostel, sneak past the communal area and go straight to the room. I make sure the lights are off and people are sleeping, then tap in the code … beep beep …. Beeeeeppppp … it worked. The door opens and I sneak inside. As I’m trying sneak past all the bags and beds, something doesn’t seem right. The room has totally changed, instead of 8 beds there are now 15, the sofa has gone, the kitchen has been shut off … there’s definitely nowhere for me to sleep. Plan B, I have a shower, brush my teeth and freshen up … then head back out to find another place.

I used to enjoy my routine of leaving work late and getting back to the island at midnight then heading to a 24-hr subway for my 1000 calorie Tune Supreme. One of these trips made me feel sad and doubt myself as a decent human being. I was waiting for the bus and this homeless man was sitting next to me. He asked me if I wanted pizza and I was very hungry so I said yes … he gave me a slice in a box next to him and then pointed to another box on the bench and said his friend started a new job today and was celebrating by handing out pizza. The other box was empty so this man was kind enough to give me his last slice. I ripped it from him and chowed down rapidly. While we were sitting he was telling me how people should help each other out, and when I said I’m going to subway soon to get a juicy sandwich he kept saying “I wish I could afford a sandwich”. On the bus we sat together and he was still talking about how we should help each other. My stop came, I got up and walked out straight into subway, didn’t even thank him for the pizza slice. I don’t know what happened to me that night …. Looking back it wasn’t a very humane way of behaving.

My final weekend in Miami was pretty awesome. They had something called SOBE Fest on the beach … it was a good vibe.

….. To be continued

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