Superclean superefficient DC

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Today was the last day of touring we could do before the conference
started properly. We decided to do a day trip to the county's capital
- Washington DC. The trip was a uneventful 3 hour bus journey, that
was made all the more uncomfortable by a big oaf in front of me who
insisted on reclining his chair to the maximum amount. I had to stare
at his big oily fat head the whole journey while trying to fight back
fits of clostraphobia.

Our first impressions of Washington were "what a clean city". Yup, I
officially deem this the cleanest nicest city I've seen in the US so
far. All the roads are super wide and the building exteriors look
like they're washed daily. Everything smelt of order and
preciseness.

Washington is the capital, and its obvious when you walk around.
Almost every subway station has posters advertising something about
the government - many of them about joining the armed forces.

Our day consisted of monument hopping. First off was the famous White
House which was surprisingly very white - in fact, too white. I
embarrassed myself immensly when I asked the guard how much tour
tickets were - apparently you're only allowed in when you have an
appointment. Next off, we meandered through the memorial region of
DC, including things such as the Washington Monument (big tall
obelisk-like thingo), the reflecting pool (you may have seen this long
pool with the Washington Monument at the end of it in movies), the
World War 2 memorial and the Lincoln Memorial (one big giant Abe
sitting on a chair). Everything was very large, very impressive, and
most importantly very clean.

From that, we headed off to the Pentagon. Upon arrival we were
surprised to not see even a single tourist. The reason for this
became clear very quickly. We were ordered by a guard not to stray
from the path, to only walk on the foot path. There were numerous
signs stating that photography was strictly prohibited. And most
dauting was the guard walking around the outside with a big AK-47.
Even the car park was patrolled by two special "Pentagon Police".
Security was tight here - so tight that both Terry and I were too
scared to even sneeze. So we just walked around the outside, sighed
numerous times at not being allowed to take a photograph, and then
left. I tried to sneak a photo by taking a discrete photo from my
pocket but ended up with just a detailed snapshot of my armpit.

We then headed back to the centre of the city to the Museum centre.
There are heaps off Smithsonian museums in Washington that are all
huge, and all FREE!! But I was sick of Museums, so I left Terry to
wander around the museum of Air and Space, and instead went out to
validate a conspiracy theory.

The east-to-west streets in DC are named A, B, C, ... st ie. letters
of the alphabet, and I had been told by a friend that apparently for
some strange reason, I st was instead labelled 'Eye' street. More
bizarrely, the address of 666 I st was the International Monetary
fund, meaning it would have the address 666 Eye st. For those who are
familiar with End-times literature, both 666 and the 'Eye of the
Illuminati' have significance with regards to American history. So I
decided to try and hunt down the 666 Eye st building and take a photo.

Unfortunately, it appears I was hoaxed. Either that, or somebody told
them I was coming and quickly disguised 666 Eye St as 638 I st, and
shoved all the furniture around to make it look like a cafeteria. So
sadly, now conspiracy theory.

Our day ended by grabbing dinner in a Chinese restaurant. When it
came to paying the bill, Terry insisted on leaving a tip as is the
custom in the US, but I jewishly said that you didn't have to tip in
Chinese restaurants, because everybody knows that most Asians
(including Chinese, Indians, etc.) are all too money-concious to tip,
and therefore it wouldn't be expected in a Chinese restaurant. How
wrong I was. When the waiter collected the money, she counted the
money, then angrily stormed off. The manager returned seconds later
and angrily poured some water into our glasses (which I'm sure he
spiked with some poison or something). When I asked him for a copy of
the receipt, he grabbed a dirty piece of paper and asked us whether he
should write the total including the tip or excluding the tip. When
we told him that he should exclude the tip (since there was no tip),
he just wrote three letters in Chinese and wrote the total. We're
still not sure what I wrong in Chinese - I'm hoping it says 'dinner
for 2', but it may say something a lot ruder.

After dinner, we hopped on the bus back to Phili. Apart from having
the most immense lady sit next to me and squash me against the wall of
the bus, the journey as rather uneventful.

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