TBagBay at 100 degrees

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So the Stagecoach Music Festival is in full swing. Everywhere you go there are people riding bikes to the festival, wearing what appears to be some kind of unofficial uniform. Cowboy boots, very small jean shorts, bra tops and straw hats. Most seem to be drunk or quickly heading in that direction.

E and I go to the small neighbourhood pool around 5, it is so hot and the pool isn’t busy. We get set in our lounge chairs and it becomes very apparent why it isn’t busy. It is some kind of drunk fest at the pool. Mark and Matt seem to be the main focus. Matt is completely drunk. And loud. And burnt. He is red all over. And he is staring at me. He’s in the pool directly in front of my chair and as E says, ‘staring up your dress’. E commences napping. Obviously not very protective. Mark is in a chair at the far side of the pool, asleep. We saw him at the pool a few days ago, he was lying on a lawn chair having a beer at 10am, and every 15 minutes would spray himself with Hawaiian Tropic coconut. His body was slick with the stuff.

So we have a swim. Mark is asleep and making what I would consider to be private noises. I don’t even look in that direction. Matt is now eyeballing me in the pool. And then he starts coughing. Or choking. Whatever it was it seemed to be putting additional fluids in the pool, so we get out. E is now resting on his chair and I’m attempting to read. A woman comes to pick up Matt and Mark. Neither of them are going anywhere. Matt is now standing at the end of my chair saying ‘you’re the best aren’t you?’. I try my usual insincere smile hoping he will get the point. Really? He is so loaded, he isn’t getting anything. So he says it again and now wants to shake my hand. My very possessive husband is reading.

The next 20 minutes were so TBagBay. Get in the fucking truck. No, I’m ok here. Fine, I’m having a swim. I want to leave, how much longer until we go? I said 5 minutes. How much fucking longer? Watch your freakin language. I’m dying here, I have to go. I said 5 mintues. I’m not that drunk. Repeat. Endlessly. So Matt is now dressed. Mark is not moving. There is no beer left, which may be the motivation for Matt. Mark refuses to go, he’s fine, he’s not drunk, but the joint has paralyzed him. They finally leave. It gets nice and quiet for about 10 minutes. So we have another swim. But now there are weird things floating in the pool. Not sure what it was. Flaked off skin? Paper? Don’t know. Just got out and continued trying to get a wedding tan.

And they are back! Matt is now dressed in a golf shirt and shorts. They have come to get Mark. Mark is fine, he hasn’t smoked dope in 15 years, so this kind of hit him. The woman decides to have another swim. Matt is helping Mark put his shoes on. Everyone is yelling at each other. Matt decides he also wants to swim, so he takes of his golf shirt and goes into the pool in his shorts, belt included. He can’t follow any of the conversations, so sticks with Fuck no. That seems to fit for each comment. He gets out of the pool and puts on his shirt backwards. He wants everyone to go home. This relaxing hour at the pool has turned into a complete joke, makes yesterday’s rednecks look normal. Every now and then E is joining in the conversation. What is going on?? I’m the only sane person at the pool now. E is participating in the analysis of the difference in marijuana now compared to 15 years ago. Seriously? Vacation E is very loose today. Which is surprising because yesterday he was thinking about punching a guy on a bicycle in the head. Matt now wants to go home. Matt you don’t have your shirt on right. Fuck no. Really, it’s not on right. Fuck no. Come on Mark, we are going. I’m not that drunk, it was just the joint. Repeat. Repeat.

Now Mark gets up, and puts his stuff into his truck and gets ready to drive home! Good lord. He is parked right behind us. So E gets up to move the vehicle. Mark assures him that he isn’t going to drive, he is just going to sit there for 20 minutes. And that it’s ok, because he lives here. E thinks this makes sense and comes back into the pool. Mark then fires up his truck and off he goes. Fortunately not hitting our rental.

I’m pretty much done. Not my idea of a fun afternoon at the pool. I’m saying to E, ‘I think we should go to the other pool from now on.’ E says ‘I kind of like it here’ ‘This doesn’t seem to annoy you, drunk man looking up my dress, the endless mindless conversation, weird things floating in the pool.’ ‘It wasn’t that long ago that I was on the other side of that shit show’. Enough said.

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Comments

[Jennifer]

Trailor park?
You are painting an undesirable ambiance. A good reason to get a pool installed?

[Jennifer]

The pool
Ed has lived life!