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Published: April 28th 2012
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Resurrecting the Blog. I credit the Midwestern Slack Jaw: a very distinctive look that can easily be sighted in airports in the Midwest, this example is from Minneapolis. Tall and big. The look in the lineup at security is decidedly beige, with most outfits too casual for your couch. The ponch is stuck out and the jaw is slack. It’s a long lineup of this same look. Comfortable shoes, lots of q-tips, but more large midrifts and oversized clothes. One guy I think is fully sweated but turns out they are jeans. His wife is looking good from the neck up. There must be 20 people in line with the gut thrust out and the bottom jaw hanging. It’s a simple look. No pics. Unfortunately, I behaved myself. I'm of course dressed cute casual in case there is some other rude and shallow person in the airport taking pics of poorly dressed travellers to post on their blog. The number of socks and sandals is disturbing.
Excellent flight, direct from Minni to PS, less than four hours. On the plane the hunt for E’s readers begins. Second verse, same as the first. Where are my glasses game discovered under the
seat of the chair across from E. Shocking. So we have an excellent seat, or moved to an excellent seat with an empty one between us. So I'm sitting sideways on the two seats. Barefoot. Wishing I had followed Little Lou's lead of the travel socks. So I'm tucked on the two seats very comfortably having a nap. I wake up because the place smells like a giant breakfast sandwich. You know how I am with smells. And of course I'm thinking why would people be purchasing these things? A pre-cooked egg and sausage product, reheated at least once on a plane? That can’t be good. As I wake up, E is enjoying the end of his $4 breakfast sandwich! Which is slightly mind boggling because I spent $32 at the airport getting snack-prepared. You never know with these budget airlines, so I bought water, coffee, a banana and assorted junk, which E requested as 'just in case snacks that include chocolate'. So I have a purse full of just in case. $32! I have got to get more organized and stock up at Target. At about 7am I had the just in case jelly bellies. Nothing like starting the
day with caffeine and sugar. This won't help me today as I try Day One of Kayla’s exercise program. She's going to put me on a wedding boot camp. 11 weeks and 15 lbs. And the first two weeks are during vacation. This won't be pleasant like my usual vacation which consists of bags of Harry and David and too many tacos. E and I are planning a few hikes. Let's hope they go better than last year.
E says that I have turned the two seats into a little pod. Perhaps I have. You’ve got to be comfortable if you’re going to sleep most of the trip. So E is of course very glad that there is an empty seat between us, so that he isn’t complaining about how heavy my head is. Coming home from NYC I fall asleep with my head on his shoulder. It’s the least he should put up with considering I have a lifetime of sitting in the shitty middle seat of airplanes because he’s got the 'claustrophobia' and needs to have an unobstructed aisle seat near the front of the plane. So I’m stuck in the middle, usually with some arm rest hogging male on the other side. So I fall asleep leaning on my husband. When I wake up he is going off about how heavy my head is. Says it was like having a 20 lb weight on his shoulder. So uncomfortable. '20 pounds for sure, and you weren’t even holding it a little bit’. Yes, I was asleep. He could hardly read or eat. Cannot believe how heavy my head would be. Then about 10 minutes later ‘I’m thinking it is more like a 40 pounder. You cannot believe how heavy your head it.’
So we get to PS uneventfully. The SlackJaws (SJ) comprise about half of the people on the plane. I’m waiting for the luggage while E gets the car rental. A group of 6 SJ are talking very loudly about what a great time they are going to have. They are about 60. At one point one guy is looking for the other and yells to him. The other guy replies “Yo”. Ok, you are way too old for Yo. So I had to take the pic. What you can't see is that he is very efficiently using his belt not only to tote around his phone, but also his newspaper.
I don't know why my blog fell apart. I did Day One on NYC and then not the rest or the 2 vacays after that!?! Probably because I was hard at work on my dissertation. Hahaha. My bb is full of random stories from those trips. Or continual insults of strangers. Things E said that I can’t write about. Like the names he called me. So far this trip the best and most publically appropriate was ‘tanker’. Really there is nothing travel about my travel blog. More like examples of how nasty my thoughts are. Still get lots of comments about how mean I am to my sweet husband. So I will try to include some variety.
Day 3 in PS I head to the pool by myself. It is two days before Stagecoach, the country music festival, and I get to spend an hour with the middle age bimbos. This is the issue with the public pool. The public are there. So I just want an hour to relax and have a swim. The Bimbos are planning their meals for the weekend. They have half-caf coffee, coffee mate, bananas and almonds for protein. The one woman who calls decides that what is missing is grapes and agrees to pick them up. They are in from LA. No one has normal coloured skin. Or real finger nails. And yet much better than the group at the large community pool today, the Rednecks. The Rednecks are really loud. I am sitting on the other side of the pool, as far away as humanly possible. And this is a big pool, seats 80 people! So the Rednecks are beyond rude. And dull. There are a few kids in the pool but that doesn’t stop the swearing or other inappropriate details.
Brent is wearing a tilley hat, has a huge tattoo of a name across his stomach, and is trying to splash the women who are with the group. I can’t get a good pic because I am so far away and really want to stay there. Brent is the leader. Or at least the most vocal. Brent’s wife is modeling her new breast implants. This is her second set. Brent likes them. Brent also loves Nascar, and the group agrees. Brent likes to open the door at home naked. Brent is super cool and glad to tell us all about it. His wife is also bright. “I like Dwight Yoakam, he’s white, right?” “If you get a speeding ticket, does it go to the insurance company or the person?” “When you are driving with your hands at 10 and 2 (friend interrupts – that’s not where 2 is )” “This is a LVV – lazy vagina vacation” I have no clue what that means. The last conversation is about how there is no beer left so they should go home and get ready for Alabama tonight. “Brent, I know that was your fart” “Nope, that isn’t mine” “I know what your farts are like, that was you”…
So now we are off for more shopping. E and I end up talking about how many husbands want to spend time with their wives. E yells “Zero!” and makes a zero with his fingers. Yells! Car gets quiet. Really, zero? Then he says “I mean who want to spend more time with their wife”. Really, this is an improvement? “What percentage do you think it is”. Well, I think it is zero in this vehicle! The back pedalling is horrible to watch. “I didn’t mean me”… It’s way too late. The answer is clearly zero. And that’s after only 6 days together. We have 8 more days to go. This ain’t trending positive…
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