72 More Things I Have Learned

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To round out my year, I am re-doing an old favourite. This is a list of things I have learned since October. It is not complete (I swear you didn't waste money on my education, parents of mine), and I was tired, but I hope it is funny.



You'll notice that I have learned one more thing than the previous 'things I have learned list'



1. While it is in fact possible to write an essay in one night with no sleep, that essay will be stupid and you will loathe yourself.



2. You will be lying to yourself when you tell yourself that you’ll never let that happen again.



3. You probably won’t make the mistake a third time.



4. In ancient Rome, they believed that if a woman wasn’t getting enough *ahem* good lovin’ *ahem* their womb would dislodge itself and wander around her body until it reached her throat and choke her.



5. It is not a good idea to befriend a person purely in order to get a look at old atlases they claim to have. Your attempts at friendship via old cartography will be rejected and your European History tutorials will be awkward.



6. Showing up ten minutes early to every tutorial and then not speaking at all when they start will confuse the heck out of your History tutor.



7. The Corn Laws actually had very little to do with corn. It’s all in the grain, my friend



8. Don’t leave finding a flat to the last minute, or you will end up in the reject flat with the two other dorks who didn’t ask anyone earlier.



9. You will laugh at the reject flat. With love, of course.



10.While on Easter Break, a good way to bond with the four or five other losers still stuck in Halls is to watch crappy horror movies found on Netflix from midnight to four AM



11.While it is effective, it is very much not healthy.



12.There’s a film called Unrest. This film is better described by the title “Body Soup”



13.There may or may not have been a revolution within the British Parliamentary system when the Great Reform Act of 1832 became a thing.



14.When you win a bet about secretly being in love with your annoying, posh English friend, the loser won’t pay up.



15.But that’s okay because at some point your annoying, posh English friend stopped being annoying.



16.But you still won’t be in love.



17.Because he makes you watch weird Japanese movies about a noodle restaurant.



18.Japenese movies about a noodle restaurant kind of rock. They feature singing vagabonds. How cool is that?



19.Don’t befriend people who go kissing people when they are drunk. It’s annoying and awkward.



20.Wagamamas. It’s an Asian fusion restaurant that offends every actual Asian ethnicity.



21.It’s still delicious.



22.Medical students don’t actually know anything about medicine.



23.But they still get the coolest society buildings.



24.One group of medics actually stole a stone eagle from a building.



25.The details of said heist are still a mystery, but the eagle is sitting in the hall in the Royal Medical Society



26.Which actually isn’t all that royal on the inside.



27.Mostly it’s just used as a place for medics to drink.



28.Even after a year of actual hard work, medics can and will out drink everyone, regardless of outstanding workloads.



29.There will come a point during the research portion of every essay, in which you realise that someone has taken the only available copy of the most obviously helpful text to be found in the library, and the string of profanity that comes out of your mouth will be prolific, creative, and shameful to even the saltiest of sailors.



30.If you want to watch a TV show efficiently and obsessively, start it two weeks before your exams.



31.Have someone take away your computer two weeks before exams.



32.The Irish Potato Famine is one of the main causes of the repeal of the Corn Laws



33.Just because their repeal was brought on by an interesting event, does not mean the Corn Laws themselves are actually interesting



34.A trip to Ikea is an event that takes a day, and is almost more bonding than repeated movie marathons at unhealthy times of day.



35.If you go on late night adventures to random towns with no nightlife, you will fall down and injure your knee rather badly on the walk back.



36.You’re still an uncoordinated dork, even if you’re also an adventurer.



37.You can get a meal deal at Sainsbury’s for £3.



38.And it is good



39.If you wait so long to do your laundry that you literally cannot fit your laundry bag through doors without a struggle, the cleaning lady will mock you.



40.The cleaning lady doesn’t like you.



41.Your neighbours also probably don’t like you.



42.This is made obvious when they all conspire against you so that, at any given time during the night, the people directly beside, across, and below you are making at least enough noise to wake you up.



43.Not that you have proof of such conspiracy, but you know.



44.Your neighbour to your right will throw parties at four in the morning the entire week before your second last essay is due.



45.The friends of your neighbour across from you will toss a bottle of pee at your door when you tell them to screw off at five in the morning.



46.Both of these events will make you cry.



47.But that’s okay because your RA is totally cool and yells at people for you.



48.The neighbours won’t stay quiet for long, even after being yelled at.



49.Invest in earplugs. They are a gift from heaven itself.



50.If you go to punk rock concerts in Glasgow, a guy who likes to toss crowd surfers at people will be responsible for your concussion.



51.That same concussion will prevent you from being able to go to the concert’s after party, where the band was going to be.



52.That dude is a jackass.



53.You should go out with your friend when she wants to show her other friend around Edinburgh even though you’re tired.



54.Because when that happens, her friend will meet some random people who take you to a Brazilian bar to see a band that the randoms like.



55.And you’ll go, because you’re not alone and the randoms offer to pay.



56.That will be what probably counts as the weirdest night out of your life thus far.



57.That will include being able to pet a puppy who was being taken out for a late night walk.



58.Which in hindsight, is super suspicious.



59.Your friend will start dating one of the randoms.



60.They’re really cute and it’s super gross.



61.It might not be wise to let your friends know that you have an open door policy when it comes to emotional issues



62.Because you will be woken up at two in the morning by crying friends and you won’t know what to do



63.This will happen more than once.



64.Question why you let your friends believe that you are an emotional expert who is able to give good advice about the things people freak out about at two in the morning



65.You can love your friends and love sleep as well. It’s not a ‘choose one’ type of deal.



66.Eating healthy is kinda cool



67.But pizza is still cool too.



68.Don’t let yourself become known as the ‘pizza and batman’ girl. Your friends will mock you and then give you pizza.



69.Maybe being the pizza girl isn’t so bad.



70.It seems like a joke when people tell you that your friends in Uni sort of become your other family.



71.It’s actually kind of true.



72.Don’t waste this year. There are people and experiences and adventures that only show up once

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