My love/hate with Busses

The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round.

Busses are interesting here in Israel. First you have the 2 main ones, which are called Dan and Egged respectively. Now, there's a new company called Kevim which to me seem like much nicer busses as far as public transportation goes. However, their lines are very limited and only go to places within Tel Aviv and the periphery towns such as Petach Tikva, Or Yehuda and some others.

But ok, not to bore you with bus schedules but I just wanted to write that it's a subculture - those who ride public transportation and those who do not.

I fall into the first category since I have sold my car back in the states and didn't bring my baby (my motorcycle - not the human kind) with me to Israel. This means that not only can I not go where I want when I want, but that I have to leave at least an extra hour in my schedule for the various route I have to take. It's not fun I tell you, but alas, these are the olim pains.

So various ridiculous things happen to me: I'd like to let you in on some of them, like usual.

1) Dan Bus 247 the 11:30pm or 2330 if you prefer line: my bus drivers name is Vladimir. He's a immigrant from Russia that left over 20 years ago, has 2 sons - 1 in the states working as a lawyer in the Financial district and 1 who lives here with his 2 daughters named Mina and Slava. He speaks Russian and Hebrew fluently and is learning English (through me and his classes he takes). He's 53 and married for 22 years to his beautiful wife Marina. So how do I know all of this?

Because he told me so! Basically on our nightly rides back to Ra'anana, he and I would talk and get each others life stories. I'm a pretty friendly girl and I saw this man everyday for weeks on end - so it only makes sense. He also drives like a maniac and is horrible to this crazy woman who always rides down into Tel Aviv (to his defense, she really is crazy - mutters to herself, wails into the cell phone crying hysterically, carries cans around and looks like

Egged
My first love affair with busses was on an Egged Bus - look at that sexy green color. By the way....are eggs supposed to be green? Think about it.
she slept outside with the dogs and smells) But he's my bus driver and I adore him. He smiles when he sees me and sings me Russian lullabies.

2) Dan Bus 149 weekly: Now that I live in Tel Aviv, this has become my bus number du jour. I have various drivers but I usually get the nice ones. There is one (the 2:15pm line) who actually wakes me up with a "boker tov yaldah" when I reach my stop. I ride the line all the way to the end and if it's not a holiday we get the "deluxe" busses with much more comfy seats and air conditioning.

3) Egged Bus 29: Oh the dreaded 29…this bus is always slammed packed, smelly and lack of air conditioning. This is the main line I would take from the mercaz klita in Ra'anana to the end of the street that I work on and from there have to walk down about a mile before I would get to the office, unlike the nice 149 Dan Bus that drops me off right in front. So in the sweltering heat this summer, I would come in looking like a water buffalo

Present
I am the proud owner of this puppy. Be envious.
with my sweaty hair and clothes sticking to me. Nice picture right?

And ok ok I won't regale you with the other busses that I go on, but instead tell you about some of the crazy people.

Let's start with the woman who fainted getting off the bus one night coming from Tel Aviv and practically everyone ran to help and I got to her first besides the bus driver. Jumping into my EMT mode, I started asking her questions - but of course she didn't understand me because I was talking in English, so the bus driver was translating for us and by luck a doctor was on the bus with us (what doctor rides the bus??) but then she miraculously jumped up, flailing her arms and cane and screaming at us, shoving our hands away and just crazily limped away. Yeah - that's nice.

Or, we have the crazy can man. Who when he gets on the bus, has not only 3 pulley carts full of cans and bottles but who actually smells like he lives in the garbage bins he pulls these jewels from. Then he spreads his bounty out all over the center of the bus so no one can get by and yells at you when you try to get off the bus.

We have the annoying "I must talk as humanly possible on my cell phone while discussing my bowel movements/period/hemmoroids/Moshelai's next birthday/cramps/whatever the hell else other people don't care about all the while disturbing the other people around me and I don't give a shit" people. They're fun. Then when you ask them to be a tad bit quieter - they look at you like "oh? I was talking loud?" No jerkoff - I'm just bleeding from my ears because I think it's sexy.

You have the people who take up both seats by sitting on the outside seat and no matter how full the bus is they don't want anyone sitting next to them people and refuse to budge. Stingy people I tell you.

Back scratcher man who sings Ethiopian songs on the Ramat Aviv Gimmel route. He joined us bus-goers with his pulley cart full of those dollar store wooden back scratchers and was trying to sell them for 10nis a piece. He would come up to you, scratch your back with it, sing some song and hold out his hand for the money. Weird guy. Well this old lady wanted one and she had a hard time getting up from her seat so I saw her and went and got the money for her and then gave it to the guy who gave me the scratcher which in turn I gave to the lady. Get it? So anyways, because I did such a mitzvah, he hugged me and gave me one for free. So that would be how I ended up with a back scratcher. Woo hoo.

Speaking of free stuff - some lady gave me her scarf the other day. She sat down next to me and I noticed it and said it was beautiful, she smiled and said thank you and then 2 seconds later said "Do you want it?" I laughed and said no, but she insisted and now I am the brand new owner of a scarf. How about them apples?

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God I wish I had a car or a motorcycle, but hey…I always have a story to tell right? Speaking of busses…I have to go catch mine now, laila tov!

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