Looking for Love on Tu B'Av: Romance in Israel.

---

Today is February 14th, the day that many in the world celebrate Valentines Day, known as a day of romance and dedicated to lovers. The origins of Valentine's Day are not clear but many sources believe that it stems from the story of St. Valentine, a Roman priest who was martyred on or around February 14 in the year 270 CE. How ahe became the patron saint of lovers still remains a mystery.

The ancient form of the ceremony included putting girls’ names in a box and letting the boys draw them out. Couples would then be paired off until the following year. The Christian church substituted saints’ names for girls’ names in hope that the participant would model his life after the saint whose name he drew. However, it was once again girls’ names that ended up in the box by the 16th century.




<table class="tr-caption-container" style="padding: 6px; margin-bottom: 0.5em; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="center"><tbody><tr><td>
</td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px; padding-top: 4px;">
Valentine Card from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/</td></tr></tbody></table>

Eventually the custom of sending anonymous cards or messages to those whom one admired became the accepted way of celebrating Valentine’s Day. There was an increased interest in Valentine's Day, first in the United States and then in Canada, in the mid-19th century. Early versions of Valentine cards fashioned of satin and lace and ornamented with flowers, ribbons, and images of cupids or birds appeared in England in the 1880s.

Judaism has a holiday - Tu B'Av, which is associated with romance. I will share some of the history of our celebration and then a recent quest for true love.

Tu B'Av (Hebrew: ט"ו באב, the fifteenth of the month Av) is a minor Jewish holiday. In modern-day Israel, it is celebrated as a holiday of love (Hebrew:חג האהבה‎, Hag HaAhava), compared by some to Valentine's Day. It has been said to be a "great day for weddings".

According to the Talmud, Tu B'Av was a joyous holiday in the days of the Temple in Jerusalem, marking the beginning of the grape harvest, while Yom Kippur marked the end of the grape harvest. On both dates, the unmarried girls of Jerusalem dressed in white garments, which they borrowed, and went out to dance in the vineyards (Babylonian Talmud, tractate Ta'anit 30b-31a). That same section in the Talmud states that there were no holy days as happy for the Jews as Tu B'Av and Yom Kippur. The holiday celebrated the wood-offering brought in the temple (see Nehemiah 10:35). Josephus refers to it as the Feast of Xylophory ("Wood-bearing")



Originally a post-biblical day of joy, it served as a matchmaking day for unmarried women in the second Temple period (before the fall of Jerusalem in 70 C.E.). Tu B'Av was almost unnoticed in the Jewish calendar for many centuries but it has been rejuvenated in recent decades, especially in the modern state of Israel. In its modern incarnation it is gradually becoming a Hebrew-Jewish Day of Love. Below is my experience during our most recent Tu B' Av.


<table class="tr-caption-container" style="padding: 6px; margin-bottom: 0.5em; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="center"><tbody><tr><td>
</td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px; padding-top: 4px;">
Israeli folk dancing</td></tr></tbody></table>



My seamstress Anat is a pleasant looking and rather charming woman of fifty. She was born and raised in Haifa. She comes from a family of ten siblings of Moroccan origin. She insists that her mission in life is to find me a wife. She is divorced, but seems happy with her work, friends, hobbies, and most importantly her grandchildren. Zehava is two years old today and Daniela is a young lady of four. I enjoy their monthly visits to Haifa. They live in Tel Aviv. Daniela refers to me as the Dod. The Hebrew word for uncle is dod דוד (aunt is doda דודה). In modern Israel, the word Dod is a term used by Israeli children to refer to all male adults whose name they cannot pronounce or simply do not know. The name Earl is generally a challenge to pronounce for Israeli children and many adults. I often use my middle name of Joseph to communicate with my Israeli neighbors.

I did agree to meet a rather attractive female friend of Anat, named Lena. We celebrated Israel's day of romance together. Lena (not real name) is a tall dark skinned and dark haired Israeli who was born and raised in Haifa. She appears to be in my age range. Lena is retired and enjoys her three children and six grandchildren. I now appreciate the meaning of the term "comedy of errors." Tu B'av was my third date with Lena. Our first two encounters were at the local Japanese restaurant. We ate dinner and each of us drank one Japanese beer and we chatted. Lena is a retired pharmacist but shares my two great passions. The first is an effort to promote peace through interfaith activities in Israel-Palestine. The second is the study of Judaism. The Jewish faith is a knowledge based way of life. Judaism puts a great deal of emphasis on the study of The Torah and Talmud. There have been great debates for three thousand years as to whether knowledge is more important or spiritual fulfillment in the Jewish faith. Both are important of course but I believe that how we practice Jewish values is far more important than the formal study. Lena and I agreed on this very important topic in Israel.

Sadly, our third encounter was not a good one. We added two more potent Japanese ales each to this dining occasion. Lena proceeded to tell me that she felt somewhat deceived by my behavior. I had told her during our first phone conversation that my grasp of Hebrew was solid. She then proceeded to critique my vocabulary, grammar, and Hebrew sentence structure at great length. "You have been here for five years and can't do better than that", Ouch!!!! I calmly thanked her for concerns and suggested a quiet walk at our local park. She agreed and grudgingly admitted that she may have been a bit harsh about my lingual progress.




<table class="tr-caption-container" style="padding: 6px; margin-bottom: 0.5em; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" align="center"><tbody><tr><td>
</td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px; padding-top: 4px;">
Tree in San Diego decorated with hearts on Valentine's Day with hearts, from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine%!s(MISSING)_Day</td></tr></tbody></table>




Like most Israelis, Lena carries her cell phone with her everywhere and always. Her cell phone rang; she answered it and gasped, as the person calling was trying to reach Lena's mother. "I was visiting my mom this afternoon and we must have switched phones by mistake". She pleaded with me to make the forty minute trip to her mom's home to switch phones. We took the bus to her mom's home, I was asked to wait outside as "It will just take a minute"... It took thirty minutes in the 95 degree and 90 percent humidity summer evening. 'Moms still come first'; therefore, I just smiled and we boarded the return bus to our own neighborhood. Lena surprised me by she grasped and kissed me with some degree of passion while we walked to our seats. Yes, the bus lurched and we fell on our tachats (tucheses). Everybody on the bus laughed including me, with the exception of Lena. We arrived at our stop and as we walked away from the bus stop, Lena quickly and sternly bid farewell with a terse "don't call me, I will call you", Ouch again!

I stopped by the next morning to say hello to Anat. She looked at me and sternly told me that there is no hope for my romantic future. There is a happy ending to the story. Zehava and Daniela were visiting the store at the time. Yes they love "The Dod" What greater joy is there in life than sharing precious moments with youngsters. I walked home passing by the Japanese restaurant and stopped to say hello to their greeter, Natasha. She is a twenty five year old immigrant from Russia and my buddy. I told her about my experience with Lena. "I didn't like her anyway", added Natasha. She did have a nice Jewish woman for me named Natalie... She is a different story for another time.

---