plans, back up plans and travelling

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I knew I'd be busy this holiday but am a firm believer that a change is as good as a rest, and I do in fact feel very refreshed despite working on the stalls, and doing various admin tasks from home.

Being at home has allowed me to look at my situation from a different perspective, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. I've love being here, with my family, but there's stuff I miss about China. I miss how driven I am there. True, there's not a lot else to do, but I love that I get up and just get on with my work, whether it's studying or school work, or going to the gym. I like not having a lot of time to think, and I like that when I am in China I feel different to everyone else. It's not just about working 9-5, earning my wee bit salary and then spending it all at the weekend. I like feeling that I've got a purpose, and feel a bit lost now I'm home. It's all too tempting to think I could just move back here and be happy, but I know that I'd soon feel trapped. I also miss the fact that I don't have boy stuff to deal with in China. I've never been very good at it, but when I'm there my love life just seems so far down the list of priorities it's laughable. When I'm there, I'm far more content. I guess it's because, ironically, I am far more in control of my life and my emotions in China than I am here. Here, I look around and see couples, and think maybe I *should* be settling down, but then I just panic, actually panic at the thought of being with one person. Forever. And 'settling', who wants to 'settle' - I always want something better...
But, in China, I don't even think about it, apart from to know that one day, if it's meant to be, it will. So I am actually looking forward to getting on the plane on Monday and leaving all the "does he like me, why doesn't he like me" shit at Glasgow airport.

So, being at home has basically raffirmed my belief that I am in no hurry to get back here. I would love to get a place to do an MBA, but given that I am applying to Yale, my chances are only slightly more than I have winning the X Factor.

I need a back up plan that doesn't feel like it's second rate. I don't particularly want to stay in China, maybe only for another year max. I get really excited at the thought of doing some more travelling, and perhaps living in another country for a while. If I don't get into Yale, I'd love to take a road trip up (or down!) South America, spend three months just driving, eating, sleeping and meeting people. Tarik and I originally talked about doing this together, but now he's loved up and the business is taking off it might be a solo trip. In fact, even if i do get into Yale, I'd like to do this anyway, it just might be a bit more difficult to find the time.

The other thing I have to consider is doing an MBA somewhere else. I don't want to spend a lot of money doing the course at a less good uni just for the sake of it so need to think carefully. I think I will apply to Strathclyde, although it's not a shoo-in by any standards. It's a very good course (in UK rankings) and as I wouldn't want to live at home for the duration would be non too cheap either. But the MBA there would have the advantage of giving me a built in local network so if I did decide to set up my own company afterwards that would already be a head start.

I can always reapply to VSO of course, that would be wonderful, two years living in Africa, or central Asia, and perhaps after 12-24 months in China I will feel more up to the challenge. And if I go to live somewhere really poor I can just adopt a couple of kids, thus circumventing the need for a man at all!

So, I am excited about 2011. I've been talking to a few friends since I've been back, some of whom are feeling a bit stuck so I am very glad to be in the position of having loads of options, rather than feeling the next 12 months are going to pretty much be the same as the last.

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