Day Fourteen (London)

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"Ay, marry, now my soul hath elbow-room;
It would not out at windows, nor at doors.
There is so hot a summer in my bosom
That all my bowels crumble up to dust"

It be-ith hotter than Hades in yon Londontowne. Hark, I doth require better conditioning of the air than the mere spinning of tri blades of plastique in my tiny window. Methinks I shall perish in this Stygian cave forlorn.

Not only don't these rooms have air conditioning but the bloody window only opens about 1/3 of the way. There is some sort of device that keeps the window from cranking all the way open. Despite having my cheap little fan run all night on the highest speed there was virtually no airflow.

The good news is that we would be out of the hotel all day. The morning would feature a city tour by bus followed by our watching the Changing of the Guard at Buckingham Palace. The afternoon would be free time.

Breakfast this morning was fantastic. Scrambled egss, bacon, sausage, baked beans and grilled tomatoes. And genuine orange juice. I ate too much and started getting the drowsiness caused by a too-full stomach.

We were on our bus once again at 8:30. A local tour guide led us through the streets of London for my third time in the last three years. The early morning hour combined with the familiarity of it all and the big breakfast made me struggle with staying awake. As you can see, I took no pictures. We covered most of the Olde City. Our guide was excellent and added a number of interesting anecdotes.

Once again the highlight was the majestic St. Paul's Cathedral. And just like the previous visits much of it was covered with scaffolding and dropcloths. Everytime we do these EF tours of the cathedral we are in too big a hurry so I don't get the opportunity to read the memorials and tombs of England's military heroes interred in the bowels of the church.

The primary reason for the big rush was so that we might secure good viewpoints for the Changing of the Guard Ceremony. I've seen this ceremony from every angle conceivable except from the Queen's balcony. And of course the best spots are far away from the shade of trees and tall buildings. We stood waiting for over 45 minutes under a more intense sun than any I've ever experienced on any beach I've visited. I was not happy. As the start of the parade approached more people began to crowd the streetside. In my increasingly foul mood I wasn't about to budge an inch from my curbside spot. When a group of Japanese tourists toting their parasols and click-clicks started to wedge themselves in front of me, I firmly planted my feet and used my huge bulk to block their egress. I pushed back with all my might; proud of the fact that I did it without displaying any emotion or effort on my face.

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Photos

Beneath the pillars of St. Paul's Cathedral
This was one of the very few photos I took during our city tour. I guess I figured that I had taken more than enough "normal" pictures of this great awe-inspiring church that I now needed to be "creative".

Queen Victoria guarding St. Paul's
This was the only angle where I could take this photo without getting a bunch of scaffolding in the background. Keeping this old cathedral alive requires constant upkeep.

St. James Park
When our guided tour concluded James hustled us off to get a good spot for the Changing of the Guard Ceremony outside Buckingham Palace. We situated ourselves directly along the line of march for the military band that would relieve the retiring troops. While we waited, and waited, and waited for the start of the show I wandered a few feet back from the roadside to photography this lake in the park behind us.

The Queen' place
We stood almost directly in front of Buckingham Palace. The British cops and security have this whole thing very well regulated. Traffic continues to flow onto the many roads approaching the palace up until just 5 minutes before the troops show up. During the march traffic is stopped until that particular military unit gets inside the palace grounds and out of the street. Then the cops allow the traffic back on the roads until a few minutes before the next unit marches up. Very efficiently done.

The Queen's Guard marches in
Finally we could hear the distant sound of drums. From along The Mall this group of musicians followed by a contingent of troops emerged and passed around yet another monument to Queen Victoria.

And now from the other direction...
After allowing traffic to resume for a couple minutes, the Bobbies shutdown the approaches to Buckingham Palace once again in order to allow another group of soldiers to come marching in from another sidestreet. Unfortunately I never learned what regiments these troops served in. Whether they are Coldstream Guards, Grenadier Guards, Irish Guards or Scots Guards, when they are on duty guarding the palace, they are called "The Queen's Guards".

I can't imagine how hot it was for these lads
I've gone through 5 pictures without complaining about the heat. You can almost get an idea of how hot it was just looking at how sweaty the tourists look and by how many Japanese are holding up umbrellas or parasols. In those bearskin hats and heavy red wool coats these guys had to be dieing.

Right behind the band marches the Guards
I'm not entirely certain whether the bands are part of the actual military regiments that march in or if they are a separate entity that marches in with whomever is handling the guard assignment that day. I do know that these same soldiers that are one day marching in these pretty red uniforms and posing for tourists could be wearing desert camo and serving in Afghanistan the next day. These are real soldiers and their regiments have long colorful histories.

A better glimpse at precision
Despite the hot humid day not a hair was out of place nor a button tarnished as the troops marched by.

The Horsey Guys
As a little kid I enjoyed playing with toy soldiers and my favorites were always these oddly-dressed horsemen. They are called the "Horseguards" probably because they also guard the Queen and ride horses. Not only are these elite troops well-trained but the horses are also highly disciplined. Not one of them dropped a load in the Queen's driveway!

The rest of the day to ourselves
When the ceremony concluded we were let loose for the rest of the day. The first order of business for me was to get out of the sweltering sun. Gail, her mother and I started walking along the densely shaded Birdcage Walk. It felt 20 degrees cooler as we headed toward Westminster Abbey and Parliament. At this point we really didn't have a plan. When we strolled by the Guards museum and the area where the Queen's Guards assembled prior to marching into the palace, I spotted a sign with a little toy soldier hawking Guard' souvenirs. Inside I immediately thought of how much Tyler would love this place - it was full of beautifully hand-painted metal toy soldiers. They adorned each wall of the room and depicted British military people from Roman times through the Medieval Period through the English Civil War through the Napoleonic Wars through the World Wars and up until the present time. There were loads of military books, medals, pennants, headgear and artwork. There was too much to admire and desire. I ended-up getting another book on British history for myself and another miniature Tyler's collection.
About this time we decided it was time for lunch. We continued on to the neares Underground station and travelled during Covent Garden. During my many years of visiting London I had never been to this section of town but the last three EF trips had introduced me to the many restaurants and pubs in the area. I felt sure we'd find someplace good to eat. We spotted thsi corner pub advertising cheap Shepherd's Pie. I knew it might be my last chance to enjoy this treat before going home.

Imperial War Museum
The combination of intense heat, a delicious filling meal and almsot a month of continuous travel finally caught up to Gail and her mother. They wanted to go back to the hotel and nap before heading out to our Medieval Banquet that evening. We took the Tube back to the Lambeth North stop then walked back to our non-air-conditioned Days Inn. While the ladies relaxed I decided to walk two more blocks over to the Imperial War Museum. I had been here once before, back in 1975. The building resembled nothing I remembered but the big cannons out front had a familiar look about them. The huge grey facade held the promise of air-conditioning. Best of all, entrance was free.

World War I tank
The interior didn't look nearly as large as I recalled but things were displayed in a much more open and airy manner now. Again I though of how much Tyler would enjoy all this military history on display. I was overwhelmed by how much there was to see and learn. As a result I kind of hurried my way through the entrance and central foyer displays. I didn't take the time to read all the pertinent information for the display items but instead tried to see as much as possible.

V-2 rocket
This was the type of rocket-propelled bomb that the Germans aimed at London in the latter stages of the war. After taking a long look at this nasty weapon I went through an exhibit entitled "The Children's War". It dealt with the story of how British families in the larger cities sent their kids off into the countryside or to Canada to live with host families while Hitler sent German bombers and rockets to destroy the urban population centers of the U.K. The parents had to survive almost constant bombings living in these target areas while also being separated from their own children. In the exhibit there were reconstructed homes and bomb shelters, photographs and recordings of the days' events and all kinds of memorabilia from the era. The most touching display was the letters that the displaced children wrote home to their parents. A great many kids were saved by this temporary division of families but many children were also left orphans.

Medieval Banquet
I went through the museum far too quickly but I had to hurry in order to be ready for our special evening dinner and entertainment. Somehow Gail conned me into going with her and part of the group to the Medieval Banquet near the Tower of London. We were driven over to the other side of the Thames and arrived at the restaurant 45 minutes too early.

Trying to keep busy while we wait
The banquet is held in the St. Katherine dockyards. This area was a run-down industrial area back in the 1970's but once the Thistle Tower Hotel was constructed in this area gentrification of the dockyards ensued. Now million dollar apartments and boatslips have turned the area into one of London's poshest neighborhoods.

Designed for the tourists
When we finally got into the restaurant we were put at a long table with a bunch of other obnoxious tourists. Fortunately the cost of admission included unlimited free wine and ale. I started off with a glass of mead then proceeded to slake my thirst with glass after glass of room temperature ale. After my first refill our waitress made some sort of reference to how she was going to embarass me later and I immediately fathomed what was afoot. I hate audience participation and I usually find a way to stay off the stage, but not without a lot of anxiety leading up to it. Knowing my probably fate I decided to fortify myself with tankard after tankard of ale. I wouldn't have considered myself drunk but within the hour I was certainly mentally impaired. As the king sashayed into the room along with his entourage I was well-aware of how stupid and touristy this whole night was about to become.

The Medieval table
In addition to unlimited drink we were also given unlimited bread in an effort to fill our bellies before the main course arrived. Each time the master of ceremonies spoke and toasted the king we were supposed to lift our glasses and cheer then bang the table. After about 10 ales I was smashing the table without needing to hear any toasts to the king.

Officially a dork
I knew it had to happen. I avoided getting called onstage over the past 10 EF trips, but now my number was up. Remembering how Tyler had been a good sport in Greece when called up on the stage, I figured having a couple brewskies in me would help me through this. Our serving wench pulled me out on the dance floor to entertain King Henry. I tried to pretend I didn't feel like a complete ass and played along. The stupid dance seemed to go on forever. But the longer I was up there the more I realized that most of the people at the tables were too busy eating the free bread to pay attention to my ineptitude.

I actually look like I know what I'm doing
If my dress weren't so tight I would've done a couple splits and spins, but I decided to save my best moves for later.

Very incriminating photo
I know it looks bad but I REALLY wasn't all that inebriated. I was just playing along with the frivolity at this point. I have to admit, I do look like a dirty old man.

Thank God it's over
All good things must end, and awful things too. After consuming a totally unremarkable meal and watching everyone else at our table get called up to dance, we finally got the heck out of that dank basement. Our driver was waiting for us as we emerged and we arrived back at our stinking hot hotel around midnight. At that point the ice machine had broken. In an effort to get through another sweaty night I took a shower then laid in bed with the fan blowing hot air over my naked body.