Money doesn't fill voids.

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Capitalism, Schmapitalism
I've been working for about a month now. At a headhunter. Do you know what a headhunter does? They recruit people who probably HAVE jobs already, for other jobs that probably pay better. And they charge for it. A lot. For example, to recruit a CEO for another CEO job, the fee is roughly 30%!o(MISSING)f what their new salary would be. So if they get hired for their new job and they get paid 150,000, my employer would charge that company 50,000 for that one person. And there are lots of companies. And thousands of people. That means a ridiculous amount of money for moving one person from one company to another company.

It's the rat race at its best. People with the most letters after their name win. It's a cash grab between one tall tower and another tall tower; between hands already covered in gold. While the hands holding cups outside these towers remain tired and dirty.

I'm torn.

I'm the Type-A personality, one that can recognize why the letters after one's name is important. But I was also born and raised by two of the most selfless and generous people I know, with a volunteerism gene that Barack Obama would clone. So while theoretically I may be one way, the way I was raised also has a hand in it.

I hate it. As idealistic and naïve as it sounds, as green as it seems, as juvenile as it might feel, I want a job that makes a difference. A difference in someone's life. Doing something that MEANS something. Does that make sense?

This job pays my bills, it pays my rent, it pays for me to travel. I appreciate that I have a job, and I am thankful for being blessed with it. But it doesn't fill that void inside. There's still that nagging feeling that I should be doing something else.

My days at work are filled with me thinking about what ELSE I could be doing. What ELSE I should be doing. Maybe I'm cursed with a plate that always looks too big with the things to fill it that are always too small, so I always want MORE.

This is why a month and a half of being in England, I've already tried to look for places to volunteer at. I found sikat.org, but I am waiting for the lady to ring me again since she rang me while I was in the checkout line at the grocery store. So til then I'm currently waiting.

I'm always hurrying, but always waiting.

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